Corrie's Blog...The Daily Walk

The Nativity

2010-12-23T22:41:00.005-06:00

I just finished watching the movie, The Nativity with Steven. I love that movie. What a great thing to stop and pause and watch this time of year. On KSBJ today someone said, "You wouldn't go to someone's Birthday party and bring everyone there a birthday present but them. However, that is what we do at Christmas. We buy everyone a present and neglect presenting our very selves (His greatest gift) to Jesus, the man of honor." A good and true word. I reflected on that, amongst many other things, while watching The Nativity. It really hit me (as I watched the story I have heard and read so many times played out on the big screen), the theme of humility and opposition. Jesus chose a humble girl, a righteous man, a humble manger, and a bunch of humble shepherds all to be a part of this beautiful story. For it is through the unlikely that He shows Himself strong! And not only that, but then I got to thinking about all the opposition that they faced. I grew up thinking that if things didn't work out "perfectly," then you must not be in God's will. But that is so far from the truth. In reality, if you are facing opposition, then most of the time you know that you are in God's will. That is Jesus Himself's story! Now don't get me wrong, sometimes we face opposition due to our own sin. And also, there is a peace that comes with being in God's will. However, His peace usually comes with a sword. Take Mary & Joseph for example...they were considered humble, righteous, highly favored, yet if you really think about it, I'm sure they faced much ridicule, gossip, slander, judgement, etc. They couldn't even find a place in which to birth Jesus in! And they had to flee from their own home town. And all b/c Jesus chose them to carry Him. But that is true of us. We live in a world that doesn't even understand morality, much less the choices we make for the "much more" of God, to live like a George Bailey. But as I previously blogged, if we endure the opposition, we will gain Jesus. And that truly is the greatest gift that we have. I pray and hope that you un-wrap that gift this year my friends. It will require humility, sacrifice, righteousness, and probably some opposition, but it also comes with the "much more" of our Savior. Trust me, it's worth it! :) Nothing good ever comes easy! Merry Christmas!!!

It's a Wonderful Life

2010-12-20T11:37:00.011-06:00

I love watching Christmas movies this time of year. And now Steven is forced to be a part of it. :) One of the ones that we watched (and he had never seen) was, It's a Wonderful Life. A classic. I've seen it before but this time it really hit home to me and made me cry. What I noticed was that the constant theme of George's life was sacrifice. He was always sacrificing in order to help someone else out. And at times, he would get bitter for it and lose perspective...like he did at the end of the movie when he was ready to take his own life. I love it when the angel comes down and shows George what life would be like without him in it. People are worse off and it grieves George. And then the angel explains that it's amazing how one man can affect so many peoples lives. Thats so true. We are here for a purpose. And sometimes I don't think that we realize what we do really matters. Our sins don't just affect us, they affect everyone around us. Just as our obedience. There is fruit all around us. Since my fast, I have grieved for the body of Christ to take their stands in the Kingdom of God. I think that it is sadly safe to say that most of us aren't. I felt Jesus grieving over me about that during my fast and I have decided to step up to the plate. Although far from perfect, since that decision I have seen a change and now I grieve for the rest of the body to do the same. So many un-touched lives b/c we are choosing not to be "displays of the Glory of God." I pray that the Church rises up in 2011! I pray we see our wonderful inheritance in Christ, and live for it here on earth so that others may see and want it themselves. Otherwise, eventually we will find ourselves like George Bailey and that's a sad place that too many are in. We'll either be at the end of ourselves, or realize we had no impact. Let's sacrifice instead. Lose ourselves for the sake of the Kingdom, and therefore gain the Kingdom. That is why Jesus came this time of year after all, right?! As one of my favorite Shane & Shane Christmas songs states, "He was born to die!" May we follow suit and die to ourselves, that we may truly live and shine His life to those around us to catch onto!

In conclusion, I wanted to post some pictures of the rest of my fun December thus far since my last post... :)

A true Christmas evening with our friend's, the Park's, over egg nog and chestnuts roasting on an open fire (people really do that what the song states...ha!)

Another Christmas evening out with our friend's, Jarrad & Crystal. What started out as a sushi dinner out and looking at Christmas lights in River Oaks, turned into crashing a Christmas party at a random person's house in River Oask...hillarious! :)

But here's lights really here! :)

Letters to Santa! :)

Steven and I watching Christmas movies as earlier stated (see here the enthusiasm that Steven and Linus have for doing this...ha!)

many days at my friend, Aimee's house as we chat and are entertained by her new puppy, Piper!

YL's last events of 2010...Our All area Red Neck Christmas tradition...

And our annual YL all area Christmas party (Steven was practicing & marking his territory) :)

And the rest of Red Neck Christmas (see if you can find my man's normal background poses in pictures...lovely!) :)

My December thus far...

2010-12-11T09:18:00.020-06:00

*Watching my nephews football games...always with my sidekick, Abi (that is when she doesn't find someone cooler that day!) :)
*Many walks with Jesus as HE constantly delights me! :)

*Several date nights with my man (this one was to Cirque de Solei)

*Christmas jammies!

*Lazy nights watching Hallmark movies with my crew (very few & far between but so cherished!)

*Time with family

*My first, own big Christmas tree! :)

*Young Life!

*Many holidays drinks!

*My new stocking that Steven's mom made me! :)

*Making Gingerbread houses

*One of the best days ever with my YL girls: Rachel, Gabby & Mallory (at church, Korea Gardens Restaurant, & a Korean Market-all in honor of Rachel who is from South Korea!) What yummy food!

*Fun times raiding my nephews closet and relaxing in my parents hot tub while they are away at Disney! :)

*And lastly, watching my man graduate from fire school. He is now a fireman and I am so proud of him! Congrats, Steven! :) I feel better, esp. as my crew and I were recently just evacuated from my apt in the middle of the night due to a fire. :/ All is well now though!

As usual this time of year, it's been busy. But so much fun! I've cherished so many great times with friends, YL friends, family, and Steven that I wish I had more pictures of, but I think that these are enough for now. :) However, mostly I have cherished my sweet times with Jesus. I know that I wanted it to be true before, I thought it was true, it was partly true, and in my head it was true; however, I don't think that I have ever been able to say this from my heart before, but I really mean it now...Jesus truly is my gift this year...and boy do I ever praise Him for that! Hallelujah! :) The story of Mary has come alive to me this season, but in a different way than normal. God recently revealed to me just how hard it must have been for Mary. I think we overlook the fact that people surely must not have believed her that the Holy Spirit put Jesus in her. I'm sure there was ridicule, judgement & gossip and that it hurt her deep. Scripture says that even Joseph had in mind to leave her until an angel visited him and assured him of his mission. In return for Mary's obedience, she got pain. However, she persevered, obeyed and what did she gain...JESUS! Not just for her, but for us. What a picture of what the Christian life is truly all about. If we choose the Kingdom of God vs. the Kingdom of this world, it will be hard. We will be mis-understood. Worldly living is easier. However, in the end, we who pursue the Kingdom of God gain a greater reward (Jesus) and our life has purpose while the rest of the world misses out. I have lived for the world and know first hand how un-fulfilling it in fact is. How purposeless. But now, as I choose to try and live for the Kingdom of God, I have found that it is hard, but it is SO FULFILLING!
"Greetings you who are highly favored!"
"Who me, Jesus?"
"Yes, you, Child."
"I don't feel highly favored. Things are hard."
"But you have gained the greatest gift of all, my Child."
"What is that, Jesus."
"You have gained Me. I am more than enough. And my life looked no less 'rosier.'"
"Enough said, Jesus."
Amen!
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas friends! :)

What I'm Thankful For This Thanksgiving...

2010-11-18T12:58:00.008-06:00

* Fall Leaves (not here of course, but somewhere in the world!) :)
* That Starbucks is ready for Christmas!
* My babies: Linus, Lucy, Woodstock, Sally & Pooka
* So far I've survived on my own!
* My amazing, handsome, loving, and God-fearing fiance and gift from God, Steven!
* My donors in YL
* My YL kids that have fallen in love with Jesus
* My job and ministry
* Amazing weather today
* I survived my 40 day fast and learned SO MUCH with Jesus!
* Christmas is coming!
* My health, safety, protection & provision
* That Jesus is my all!
* What I'm learning in my counseling classes
* I'm about to get married
* My friends & family
* The Food Network
* Simplicity of children
* Freedom
* In every way...JESUS!
* Jarrad and Crystal
* Christians rising up and living for Jesus!
* Ways I have been taught, healed and grown
* All pumpkin flavors

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! Rejoice in the Lord, always! And enjoy some good food! :)

A good day...

2010-11-02T20:38:00.002-05:00

It's nice when you just have a good day and didnt think it would be one. I live on the 3rd floor of my apt complex so when it thunderstorms, you can surely hear it. Well last night it was a doozie! I got no sleep. My electricity kept going on and off, therefore setting off my alarm and it truly sounded as if there was a hurricane out there. My dogs were shaking in terror. It wasnt pleasant. Then i had to leave early to drop linus and lucy off at the vet, which i was a bit frightened about. They were only getting their teeth cleaned, but they have to "put them
Under," and that isnt 100% safe for this dog mommy. After a rough night and a fearful attitude, I thought, this is just gonne be an awful day. But i was wrong. After dropping my babies off and saying a prayer, i headed to do my civic duty and go vote. I was told to vote at the high school that i attended. As i was walking up to the door, thats when my day turned around! I smelt it...the heavenly aroma of my teen years...fresh, hot, fattening, huge, cheese rolls that I partook of daily and they are still serving today! Yum! I smiled. Too bad i cant still eat like that! :) Instantly and unecpectedly my heart was full of praise and i just started thanking God for all of my many blessings as i voted. Then i went home to a quiet house to have my qt and do some yl work. Dont get me wrong, i missed my babies and love them, but they are obnoxious yappers. The others aremt. So i had some peace and quiet. Not to mention, that storm that had kept me up had just blown in a cool front so i was thrilled! Isnt that just like Jesus?...beauty from ashes! I then got news from our banquet last night...it was a success! Praise Jesus again! In the storm, out of the storm, & for memories of giant cheese rolls! :) Now i am writing after picking my dogs up from a successful teeth cleaning and training a new group of yl leaders. Tonight was their lastnight and they were commissioned to go out. They are a great group. It was beautiful! So many things my heart is thankful for tonight! But i will end with this one...THE RED, CHRISTMAS CUPS & CHRISTMAS FLAVORS ARE OUT AT STARBUCKS!!!! Oh my...I cant take much more! Im in heaven, yall! I enter your courts with praise, Father! :)
Written from my iphone so please excuse any grammatical/spelling errors!

My Halloween

2010-11-01T15:37:00.009-05:00

I started off the day yesterday like i do everyday, walking my dogs when we all first wake up. And lo and behold I discovered the most glorious sight ever...tons of hot air balloons were launching right behind my apartment complex and flying directly over my house. So cool! After admiring that a bit, I began getting ready to head to the zoo with Steven. We were seeing about possibly having our wedding reception there but that was a no go. :( Too bad b/c it would have been beautiful! And also one of my favorite places ever! :) However, we found another awesome place and we got a free trip out of the zoo from it and that was fun! It was a pretty day and the animals were just a showing off for us! Afterwards, we found a hotel for our honeymoon night, did church, and then just relaxed for a bit. Later that night we went to my parent's house (where everyone was dressed up) and celebrated with all of the kids and tons of food! It was a good day! Steven and I were dressed as honeymooners in Hawaii! :) Last week I was batman (taken from our YL skit closet) :) for our YL Halloween club and one of my YL kids was me...ha. It was fun! I also dressed up as a fireman for Steven the night that we carved pumpkins. What can I say...I don't necessary like Halloween, but I love fall and all it has to offer! :) Sorry so scattered (but that is me!) :) Enjoy the pics! I'm off to our YL annual Banquet tonight! Pray it goes amazing please!

Maryland

2010-10-26T17:23:00.011-05:00

I just returned from Maryland, where my grandfather was buried. My mom and her whole family were born and raised in Maryland. My papa moved them to Friendswood, TX when my mom was 15 and he got offered a job with NASA. But they are tried and true Maryland! My dad is the true Texan in the bunch! :) I took a week off work last week and attended the funeral here and then we all traveled there for another funeral and burial. It was a long, hard week but also a sweet one. Besides the yummy food and visits to where my favorite Sylvester Stallone had been, we visited the historic sight of Gettysburg in Pennsylvania, and I got to be in a place where they really have fall! It was awesome! I also got to watch my grandfather have a military honored burial b/c he was in the Navy. That was such an honor and tear jerker! But I think the sweetest part was seeing a part of my heritage. As previously mentioned, my papa had a rough childhood. He was orphaned after a rough go with his own family, and then when he was 12 another family took him in and moved him to their farm. We got to meet some members of that family, hear about my papa, and visit the farm. It was awesome! I also got to see where my mom grew up (I was too little last time to enjoy.) Enjoy some of the pics below! I gotta get back to my job, ministry, and planning a wedding! :)

Death to Life

2010-10-15T12:08:00.004-05:00

A weird title, I know...but something that has been so very real to me here recently. As stated a couple of posts ago, God has been bringing me to death in many areas lately. And at the same time I have been beginning to experience new life (the kind of life that He intended) like never before. Praise Him! One particular way that this has taken place was just last night.

The picture above is of me and my grandpa (my mom's dad), who I have referred to as "Papa" all my life. He has been sick for awhile now and I have enjoyed taking care of him as much as I could. Well, a couple of weeks ago he took a turn for the worse and with in the past few days he began declining very rapidly. Last Sunday I spent the day with him in the hospital...just he and I. He was in need of some love and care. So I saw to it that he got a good bath, a good meal and we watched 2 Pirates of the Caribbean together. Although not his usual self, we talked and enjoyed one another. The very next day all was different. He could no longer feed himself, he was disoriented and his speech was slurred. It was then that the doctors informed us that there was nothing else that they could do for him. So my mom checked him out of the hospital, set up hospice at her house for him, and by Tuesday evening he was at our house. Family began to swarm him and each hour grew worse as he was becoming more un-responsive. My mom called Wednesday night and said I should come over quick b/c he was actually awake. By the time I got there he had already fallen back asleep. I was heart broken. I prayed God would give me one last moment with him and lo and behold he woke, for one last time. I told him I was there and that I loved him. He said, "Corrie." Praise You, Jesus! Then he asked for water. After that my cousin said, Papa, Jesus is with you. To which he said, "I know." That was the last words he would say. He reached over and grabbed my mom's hand and then fell asleep. He slept until yesterday at 5. The hospice nurse informed us he would be going soon. At 5pm yesterday, my grandpa drew his last breath here and stepped into eternity! As heartbroken as we all were, I rejoice that he is pain free and now in Heaven with the Father! You see, my grandpa had a rough life and the effects of it had lingered for some time. But like I said, in death, there is always life.

For most of his life, my grandpa was raised in an orphanage during the Great Depression. About a week ago he had shared with me how when he was dropped off there at the age of 3, he laid in bed that night, crying himself to sleep. He then said that he felt Jesus pick him up and have him look down upon the bed he was sleeping on. He said he could see Jesus holding him and he knew he wasn't alone. How beautiful! I told him before he died that now, 80 years later, Jesus was still holding him and ready to take him home. It was sweet. The death of his lost family and childhood brought him life with Jesus. And now in his physical death, he is sharing life still with Jesus. Hallelujah!

You know, I have watched the dis-unity and also unity during the sickness of my grandpa. The death of a family member usually does that to a family. It's so bittersweet. But even in the deaths of dis-unity, God has brought some life through unity. I hope that makes sense. This concept is a constant flow in the lives of God's children.

Romans 6:3&4 states, "Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

My grandpa is now living a new life. And I, while on this earth, am learning to live a new life through death. It's a hard but beautiful thing. I want to really live so I'm all for it. I hope you are too!

In closing, I would like to thank my grandpa for the legacy that he did leave. Papa, I thank you for overcoming, and for teaching me and others: how to overcome, fight, manage money well, be creative, embrace all, be kind & be healthy. I took your devotional, that you faithfully read for years, everyday, last night and it was so sweet to see all that God was teaching you. I will learn as well. I love you, Papa. See you soon. You are missed!

In death, there is life! But you must die to find it! It's worth it.

Ode to Linus and a lesson on Meekness

2010-10-06T23:00:00.012-05:00

As you can tell by the picture, Linus is a tiny guy. He's also just as sweet and demanding in his presence as this picture portrays. Let's just say that he also suffers from what I like to call, "little man syndrome." He's suffered with it since he was born. The day I picked out Linus, I was actually going in hopes to get a little girl maltese. But Linus sold himself to me with his commanding presence. He was hillarious...fighting with all of his siblings and acting like a spaz. Perhaps b/c I am a little bit myself :), I like spunky personalities, so I was sold. The minute I put him in my car he crawled up on my neck and has demanded the attention and that very spot ever sense. He loves being the center of attention with people, but he absolutely hates other animals who steal it from him. The fact that he is spoiled doesn't help. Therefore, getting him used to the rest of my zoo was a challenge. We have managed for the most part however. All that leads me to yesterday. Like I said before, Linus suffers from little man syndrome and hates other dogs. The daily barking at them is quite annoying. Well yesterday, he officially humiliated and equally frightened me to no end.

I live on the 3rd floor and so everyday I have to hike 3 dogs up and down those stairs. Pooka can't walk them b/c she is blind, and Lucy thinks she is too good too. Therefore I carry Pooka and Lucy and Linus takes one for the team and walks down. Almost every day we see my neighbor walking his male pitbull and Linus barks to no end. Establishing his dominance, ya know. Well yesterday morning we had finished our walk and once I get them up the stairs and right outside my door I let them off the leash and open the door for them. It has seem to work fine until yesterday. I didn't hear or see my neighbor out with his dog, but apparently he was and Linus could smell him b/c the minute I undid his leash, he high tailed it down those stairs, barking up a storm. I jetted after him and by the time I got there, I found him attacking my neighbors dog and my neighbor having to hold him down. Let me remind you that Linus weighs 5lbs and this other dog is a rather large, male pit bull...hello! I snatched Linus up, quickly apologized, and then scooted as fast as I could back up the stairs. I was mortified and Linus was in trouble. I peeked outside my window to find my neighbor wiping blood off of his dog! Can you believe it?! That's it, I told Linus that I just knew we were getting evicted now. I hurried and wrote an apology note and stuck it on my neighbors door (he was already at work.) Last night when I got home he came by and said he had gotten the note and it was no big deal and thanks for it. He then wanted to ask if Linus was current on his shots b/c his dog had a pretty big bite and he didn't want him to get rabies. Oh my! I assured him he was and then he preceeded to tell me how Linus was hanging off of his dog's coat and trying to shake him. I see him do this with his toy rabbits. I could only imagine. He said it was actually kind of funny b/c his dog could have destroyed Linus but he just sat there scared. At that point I finally shifted from mortified to laughter. So true! I'm glad I wasn't there and that Linus didn't get tore up nor do any more damage, but I wish I could have seen it. It got me thinking...

As previously stated in another post, I am going through a 40 day journey book with Deitrich Bonhoeffer and yesterday was focused on Matthew 5:5, "Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth." After studying that verse I was truly slayed by God. To be meek means to, "see yourself for how you really are; To be gentle." How often I look through eyes of my own rights and try to justify myself and fight for myself when wrong is done to me. That is not my place. My place is where Jesus' was...to replace the ear that Peter cut off for the injustice done to Him and to trust God to take care of it. That's hard to do. However, if we fight like Linus, we draw blood and are liable to get tore into ourselves. We don't bring Glory to God. That's the way I have been most of my life and I grieve over it now as I am aware of it. Thank God for forgiveness and teaching us! You see, to be meek means that we must die to our own rights. Bonhoeffer states, "No rights they might claim protect this community of strangers in the world. We must renounce all rights of our own for the sake of Jesus Christ." For Psalm 10:17&18 states, "O LORD, you will hear the desire of the meek; you will strengthen their heart, you will incline your ear to do justice for the orphan and oppressed, so that those from earth may strike terror no more." Amen! Let's release our rights and not look ridiculous like Linus! However, we could learn a thing or two from that little one. Have some confidence in who you are and go and slay you some "Goliath's." You are more than able with God on your side! Just beware when you are to fight and you only need the weapons of faith, truth and prayer. Put down your vicious teeth! :)

The Pumpkin Patch

2010-10-04T15:05:00.005-05:00

This morning my sister and I took my nieces and nephew (and adopted neice) :) to a pumpkin patch and boy was it fun! My love of fall grew deeper! Especially b/c today is the coldest day we have yet to have! It's simply gorgeous outside...praise Jesus! I bought some pumpkins while there and then got home and pulled out my fall decor. I am so excited! The windows are open, my pumpkin spice and candy apple scented candles are burning and I'm doing a little YL work now. Thanks for coming to us, fall! :) It would be a perfect scenario if my little yappers didn't bark every time they heard a car outside the window! :/ The next few months hold all my yummy fall recipes in store, pumpkins in abundance, and me getting to wear my new Halloween costume with my man. We are both going as firemen! :) Enjoy the pics. Im off for more work....

Fall

2010-09-22T13:42:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning to walk my dogs and discovered that it was half way decent outside as a bit of cool air brushed past me. It made me smile. Then I realized that it was pretty much fall! Fall is my absolute favorite time of year! If I could make a trip out to New England every time at this time of year, I would. I did it before with my bestie, Hanna, and it was amazing! Although we don't get it so much here, I love the fall leaves, apple orchards, crisp air, festivals, etc. The best I get here is a relief from the summer scorching humidity and that the Pumpkin Spice Lattes are back at Starbucks...my Fav's!!!! Can I get an amen please? :) They are so delightfully yummy! Try one as served, or my way: Triple, grande, non-fat, 2 pump, pumpkin spice latte with no whip but extra foam. High maintenance I tell you but so worth it. And if possible, hit up Maria at the Starbucks by the Ulta and Baybrook Mall. The absolute best. Ok, now that I am off my coffee speech, I will continue. Fall. I love fall! :) Perhaps it's because that even in death, there is still beauty. I found that statement profound enough that after I wrote it, I made it bold...ha. Feel free to quote me. But I probably stole that from someone else along the way. :) (Side note: I am now able to share my inspirations with you b/c I finally got internet yesterday! Woop-woop!) Ok, may my ADD self get it together. :) Anyways, the fall leaves (my fav) are perfect examples of beauty from death. As they die, they turn amazing shades of red, orange & yellow before they fall. And even though they die, it's only so new life may arise in just a short awhile. It's as Jesus said, "anyone who wants to TRULY live, must die to themselves." However, death is a hard process. It hurts. But it's so worth it. All I know is that even if it's painful, I don't want to be the same. I want to live! And if so, I must die. I have been having to die to myself a lot here recently. Die to a dream of how I want something to be, but can't force it to be. But it has been such a maturing process for me. I have realized that, as Max Lucado says, "If I want to go on with Jesus, the way goes through Gethsemane, through the city gate, and on 'outside the camp.' The way is lonely and goes on until there is no longer even a trace of a footprint to follow-but only the voice saying, 'Follow Me.'" Luke 22:28 also states, "You are those who have continued with Me in my trials." I want to continue with Jesus! Unfortunately, lots of times it's through trials. The way of the Kingdom can get lonely and hard, as Jesus Himself knew, but in it is life and beauty equally. My "fall colors" of beauty amist death right now are my fiance, Steven and the fact that I get to marry him soon-ministry with my YL kids-and sharing my joyous engagement with my loved ones. The rest is hard. But soon enough the death will be over and new life will appear! Hopefully and appropriately when my wedding is...which just happens to fall in the Spring! Jesus is so cool like that! :) That being said, the date is now set: March 19, 2011! (significant enough for some boldness too!) :) Things are finally starting to come together and I am so happy! :)
In conclusion, don't be afraid to die to yourself. For when you do, life is just right around the corner! Take some time today though to enjoy your "fall leaves" amist the pain. It's worth it. Like I, and Rocky, always say, "Nothing good ever comes easy!" :) I feel peace today and it feels good. Aaahh...
I love you.

Checking In...

2010-09-14T16:07:00.003-05:00

Well, I'm starting to bring my head up from above water and my life is getting back to somewhat of a routine now. I like things that way. I thrive on "Organized Chaos." :) YL started back in full swing for me this week and I honestly couldn't be more excited about this year! I have no clue what to expect though. We're meeting at a new place, I've added new leaders, and another new school has been added to my area as well! But I'm excited for the group of kids we have and my new team! Take it Jesus!

On top of that, I also start training to become a Christian Counselor for the next few months. It's through an organization called Elijah House Prayer Ministries. I heard about them through my church years ago and have been meeting with one of their counselors myself for a few years now. I'm excited about this new tranistion. If I could plan my life (we'll see what God wants), I'd quit working for YL and just volunteer, stay at home with my children (that I yet to have) :) and do this counseling ministry at home (as my counselor does)-hopefully partnering with YL. I also want to write a book. We shall see.

On top of that, I am also planning my Spring Wedding!:) I could not be more excited, but it is stressful. There is in fact a lot on my plate right now...every night is full! But nothing good ever comes easy, right? I have no clue what this next summer holds for me, but that is what my fall and spring look like! Things certainly do drastically change in just a year! But walking with God is like that. He is full of surprises and life with Him is one big, faith-filled, wild ride! So I'm buckling in this semester! And if you're looking for something to read, Radical, by David Platt, A 40 day journey with Deidrich Bonhoeffer, and of course the Word itself is grounding me and something I suggest. Feel free to send a prayer my way. I'm off now for some much needed time with my fiance (still wierd to say!) :)

A LOT to catch up on...

2010-08-29T12:23:00.016-05:00

Ok, it's been awhile and there is a lot to catch up on, so I'm just gonna go in brief order. First things first, as previously stated, my summer has been CRAZY!!! There has been some great times...as you will see in all the pictures at the end of this post! :) For example...

Since moving, I am able to entertain YL folk a lot more and I love it! We've had some fun girl times!

Wilderness was AMAZING, as usual! Seriously, I am in love with my whole group! That place is the reality of Jesus and the few pics could not describe the Majesty, beauty, and sweet richness in community! Praise Jesus!

However, for over 2 weeks after Wilderness I had no car and I have no internet so I was trapped (hence no post.) It was very confining! Therefore I ran a lot and sweated to death (all the while my apartment ac went out 2 more times...ha.) My car just kept going down hill and then my mechanic broke my engine (no lie!) But after a chain of miraculous events, I finally got a new car! It's not my dream car by any means, doesn't really "suit" me, and I really miss my xterra, but it's new, reliable, was a great deal and starting to grow on me! :) Another praise!

My neices and nephew continue to make me fall more and more in love with them! Joshua is now in 5th grade and in football again currently. Grace is now in 4th grade and turning into a beautiful, young lady. And Abi has now started kindergarten and gymnastics and is hillarious!

My man, Steven just graduated from college and is now right back in school training to be a fire fighter. I am proud!

But what's most exciting....

I JUST GOT ENGAGED LAST NIGHT...FINALLY!!!!!! YAY!!!!! :) Praise, praise, praise Jesus! I love you, Steven! And I love my ring! Can't wait to marry you!

Wedding probably in March. I will keep you posted. Gotta head to a baby shower now. Check out the pics! Sorry all so jumbled. Miss you! Jesus and I love you! :)

Update :)

2010-07-22T16:32:00.007-05:00

Well, it's been one busy, crazy summer, but I thought that I'd grab a quick moment to update you on my life via picks. So far, I have settled into my new apartment; kept busy at the YL office with my 2, awesome, college interns; enjoyed fourth of July with family and Steven; witnessed my family participate in their first sprint tri and I was so proud of them; taught a girls bible study to amazing, college aged, YL leaders in our area; trained some new YL leaders; spent time with YL kids; braved the heat in my broken AC car; and most recently...enjoyed a week away in beautiful Colorado with my awesome YL kids...all the while my amazing Steven stayed at my place watching my sweet babies for me! I leave again soon for another trip to Colorado with YL kids...back packing in the mountains! I will write as soon as I settle. Pray for us please and enjoy some pics and this hot summer! :)

Grace

2010-06-23T14:20:00.000-05:00

I lay there half asleep and it was as if I heard strong voices overhead. I just knew that He was there. My Victorious Warrior singing over me with shouts of joy! It made me smile. As I woke up, He gently took my hand and led me to the closet where I slipped on my royal robe. After all, I am His Princess. But I couldn’t bear for Him to place the tiara on my head this morning. The guilt ran too deep. “I don’t deserve Your loving-kindness. I don’t understand Your grace. The fleas and such suit me better, Jesus. That is what I deserve and what I’m used too,” I cried out. But He wouldn’t let me escape. He kept shouting the word, “Grace” over me…over and over again. “It is a kindness, child. My grace lets you know where you once stood and where you now stand. And seeing the difference, you are to bow down in humble gratitude at the greatness of your on-going salvation. Don’t deny me the pure joy of granting you My grace.” My Jesus kept speaking as I made some coffee (so as better to hear Him) and after that I sat down to enter into my Bible study with Him. I love my new Ruth Bible study. Today Ruth met Boaz and He bestowed such kindness and grace towards her. I began to long for a husband like that. And that’s when He stepped back in. “No, Princess. You need not long for a Boaz…You already have one…Me. I am Your: Protector, Strength, Healer, your Man who longs to do immeasurable more than all you could ask or even imagine- as I bestow my kindness and grace upon you.” It was as if scales fell from my eyes. A concept I knew all along but one that ran deep this morning. I do deserve the fleas and such. But b/c of HIS grace and kindness, I get the tiara. And He bestows it upon me with joy! An exchange needs to be made in my heart. So today, I put on my tiara and walk forth to my destiny. And no princess must encounter fleas. I can’t wait to see what my God is going to do to my enemies. No princess of His will wear fleas…. ☺ “Stand Firm, Child, and see the deliverance that I will bring you today! The Egyptians you will see no more!” Amen!

Romans 5:1-8

Hope is on the way...

2010-06-17T17:08:00.002-05:00

Once a week my pastor sends out an e-mail to us members informing us on what he will be talking about that Sunday. We have been in the book of Genesis for some time now and I love it! As I've said in my past few posts, recently we have been studying Joseph and it has been speaking to me in my current crappy season. I have felt less "picked on" by God as I study Joseph's life. However, as my circumstances continue to crumble, I still haven't seen much hope. But today, my pastor said the following in his e-mail...

"Joseph stood strong when faced with temptation from his master's wife. Based on her accusations alone, Joseph was thrown into jail. No trial. No jury. No opportunity to share his side of the story.

Maybe you've found yourself in a situation similar to Joseph's. It may not have involved sexual temptation or false accusations, but you ended up down-and-out just the same. For some reason, you lost favor in the eyes of those around you. You were cast aside or passed over for no good reason.

This Sunday, as this complicated story continues, we'll see a case of divine intervention and redemption as Joseph rises from the pit to a place of honor and respect. His story is evidence of God's desire to restore us as only He can, and of His faithfulness to do so. Do you trust that He can do the same for you?"

Hello...What a word! Praise You, Lord! I pray restoration is on it's way for me! God is good! I trust God!!! Do you?

Update

2010-06-16T12:31:00.005-05:00

Since my last post, the compressor on my car AC has gone out and will cost $700 to repair (as well as other repairs), they forgot to re-bomb my flea infested apartment so I still have fleas (although I did the vaccate and cleaning hassle prior...for nothing), and I just found out that YL in my area is 1 month away from being in defecit due to donors not giving as promised. I feel so defeated! I know that those out there struggle too so I write all this in hopes to encourage you with some encouragement that I have received in this tough time. As previously mentioned, I had to spend the past few days at home and therefore was around my neices and nephew a lot. You can learn a lot from children. One evening, after giving Abi her bath, I was giving her lotion, brushing her hair and helping to dress her when I thought...God wants to take care of me just as an adult has to help take care of Abi...every detail. I just need to trust and remind myself that He is for me. And then I walked out into the kitchen to find Grace crying that she couldn't have dessert or watch one of her favorite shows. She is on much needed restriction right now and it is killing her. My sister was talking to her about starving her flesh and feeding her Spirit and is able to monitor her to help her do just as such. Without my sister, my neice would crumble. That too hit me. Right now, I need to trust Jesus and feed my Spirit, not my grumbling flesh. Without HIm, I would crumble. And in the meantime, it's OK to be bummed, but I must cry out to Him alone. So I am. Friends, I'm sure that Job (from the Bible) had no clue at the time why all the drama in his life. But that book in the Bible helps so many of us now and look at the ending. I hope to bring God glory in this and find a better ending soon! Life is complicated, but our God is faithful! Today I choose to stand, starve, praise and trust! :) Hope you do too! We are not forgotten!

Frustrated

2010-06-14T18:11:00.004-05:00

I went away on Saturday for a nice day on Lake Livingston with Steven and his family. I got to do one of my favorite things which is to swim and ride jet skiis! :) I returned home, however, to a boiling hot apartment and a broken AC. I therefore decided to pack up my dogs and we headed to my parents (at midnight no less) so that we could actually sleep and not sweat to death. I proceeded to start my car and come to find out...it wouldn't start. 3x and no luck! A few days ago I heard it making a noise when I was trying to start it and I was with my boss, Haddad at the time. He said I should hope that it was just a battery problem b/c that would be the cheapest solution. So upon his advice, I headed to Advanced Auto Parts and they tested my battery and it was bad. I had no money to pay for a new one and no warranty on it; However, by the grace of God, and my charm :), they replaced it for free. I was happy! But now a day later (and with a new battery), and my car wouldn't start. Aaahhh! After a few tries it finally started, but it sounded like it was dying. I drove straight home and fell right asleep on my parents couch with Linus & Lucy. The next day (Sunday) I remembered that they were re-bombing my apt for the fleas (on Monday) and I had to have all of my animals cleared out of there. My dad suggested I no longer drive my car and no auto stores are open on Sunday's so I borrowed his and headed to round up my bird, Woodstock, and my cat, Sally. I survived the heat, got them all packed up, then headed back to my parents. I had nothing to do there and I hate being bored! The next day (today) my dad took me to drop my car off to find out what was wrong with it. It was the starter and it's going to cost over $400! Hello! They also suggested that I get a tune-up, new fan belt, etc. b/c my car is old, over 112,000 miles and in need of it. That extra bit would cost me $900. Um, no. After finding that out I checked the Kelly Blue Book Value (great tool) on my car. If someone paid me the minimal amount for it, I could get over $6,000 for it. Any one in desire for a 2003 Xterra? :) I'm not one to have a fancy car, but in order to save money on future repairs (since it finally decided to start breaking down...my baby's been good to me thus far), I thought...maybe I should trade it in and get a new car? But could I make the payments now that all my money is in my apt.? I'm unsure. While pondering that I headed to my apt to find that they were finally fixing the ac. Praise God! But how am I going to pay for my new starter? I'm gonna have to break into my savings. Bummer! Now, just 30 minutes ago they called to tell me that my car was ready but they close at 6. It was 6. I had no time to get the $, find a ride, and get there. Not to mention that the flea bombers just decided to do my apt and I have to wait at least 4 hrs to re-enter it. Looks like this car-less, gas filled apt. girl has to sleep on her parent's couch for a 3rd night in a row now. And they are starting to stress me. I no longer have a pool house to escape too. It is now bare. It is now the 4th day in a row now that I have not gone to bed before 1 am yet woke up before 7...and on a restless night. I am tired, I've somehow gained 3 lbs, my $ is being sucked dry, my car is falling apart, my "luxury" apt. is turning out to not be so "luxury," and running Yl in the area while my boss is on Sabbatical is hard. Needless to say, I am venting and I'm so frustrated! I just want to see the favor of God! As my last post stated, although I know that God is not like that, I feel like I'm being picked on so bad by God. However, He again reminded me, in so many ways, that I am not picked on but picked out by God, and He is with me in my "prison," just as He was Joseph. I just hope to see His hand in all this soon. Forgive my whining! I know it could be worse. I am grateful that I even have a car, have $ in savings, and am alive. After all, this world is not our home. I can't cozy up to it. Only God. I will be in Paradise soon enough! If you think about it, you can pray for me bloggy friends....or send me $...ha. :) At least I have internet here...ha, ha.

He's Faithful amiss the chaos

2010-06-07T13:53:00.008-05:00

Well, I survived my 1st week in my new place. Forgive my last post please. I was a little grumbly. ☺ But I am better now. Besides all those irritations, I was frustrated with some other things around me as well. However, God has been re-affirming to me that living for the Kingdom will be complicated, but He is faithful! I was just re-encouraged of that through my pastor’s message on Joseph at church yesterday. Amen! I am happy to be here and now see God’s hand in it. The minor irritations are becoming less of a pain and I am sensing more freedom with Jesus here so praise God for that! However, I will say that as I write now I have a handful of “workmen” on my private patio beating so loudly that things are falling off of my wall…ha. They decided to “up-do” all of our balconies the moment that I decided to move in. Let’s just say that it’s been a challenge. I truly can’t help but laugh. It sounds like an earthquake in here! My dogs are so terrified that they aren’t even barking. ☺ Anyways, on a better note, the best thing about this apartment is that I have what they call a “Chef’s Kitchen” and I love it. It’s big for an apt. and now I am able to put out all the appliances that have laid dusty on a corner shelf of my pool house for years. For example, at this moment I am sipping a free but oh so delightful cappuccino from my 10 yr old espresso machine from Starbucks.

Delightful! As I said before, I am enjoying all of my new found freedoms now here. A huge one being with my family. Although I love my family dearly, upon moving out I shared with Steven how hurt I was that my family was not supportive nor helpful. To which he said, “Corrie, I think moving out will help yalls relationship so much. Right now you expect things that they can’t give you and b/c you live here you are constantly disappointed. But once you move out, the expectations won’t be there as much and you can just love them for who they are.” There is a lot more complications too personal to go into than that, but that made sense. And I can say that he was right. I went home last night (I try to about 2x a week to walk my old dog, Pooka, to water my garden and pick some veggies, and to let Linus, Lucy and myself visit) and while there I had a normal encounter with them, but one that didn’t rattle me to the core this time. I left and came home weeping, yet full of insight and love for them. It was a nice discovery and one I never had while living in their back yard. I do so hope for more freedom in this area! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for me….See the fruit from my garden! And I also had to include the love bird lizards and Abi and Alexis after their ballet recitals! :)

Before I sign off I have to give a shout out to my baby girl, Lucy. See pic below! ☺ Lucy, your 2nd birthday was 4 days ago but I couldn’t write you b/c getting on the internet is a big deal now that I no longer have free, accessible wifi. ☺ But still, I wanted to tell you, “Happy Birthday, my sweet angel!” I can’t believe that you are already 2! As well as Linus, you are a gift with no regrets. Although you are only 1lb less than Linus, you look so much tinier. You are so petite and cute. For being the same breed, you are definitely both very different. Lucy, you are quiter (except at night), you are a big cuddler, you are more independent, you are playful when you want to be, you actually like playing with other dogs, you like to chase cars, and you hate getting your nails trimmed. You are my little, cuddly, yet moody ball of cuteness and I love you! I am so happy that you are mine little girl! And although Linus took awhile to get used to you, he actually loves having you around now! So does Sally since she can get away with biting you and not the alpha male, Linus. I love you, precious!

Well YL camping season is in bloom and I’m off to tackle all those tasks at hand. Stop by for a cappuccino some time bloggy friends! ☺ It’s homey in my eclectic place. See, Linus and Steven enjoy it! ☺ Love you!

Birth Pains

2010-05-30T12:45:00.012-05:00

All I have been doing these past few days is moving and it stinks! I did most of it by myself. I can assure you of this, if you are looking for a good workout, grab a box, fill it with heavy weights, and then carry it around and then up 3 flights of stairs like over 100 times. My whole body is in pain but it hurts so good! :) A few friends did step up to help me though and I am very grateful for them. Last night was my first night in my new place. It was weird. I have been in my pool house for almost 10 years now and I am a creature of habit. I woke up this morning wondering if I made the right decision. People have been yelling at me to move out of my parent's pool house for years. I haven been wanting to move out for years. But as I said previously, due to a host of reasons why, I haven't. I never had enough money, then I thought that I was going to get married, and then I was afraid that I just couldn't do it. But I finally took a step of faith and did. I really felt that this decision was of God, despite the opposition from my parents. But ever since I signed the dotted line, there has been nothing but opposition. First of all, the apartment complex decided to work on my balcony (to make it "look nicer") and it won't be done under construction for like 2 more months. Then I found out my place was infested with fleas but they weren't gonna fix it b/c they said that I brought them in. Ha. I assure you that I don't have fleas and I hadn't even moved in my animals (which don't have them either) or anything else in yet. So they stalled me on moving in. Once they finally decided to fix the problem, they said that the fleas wouldn't be completely gone until like 1 month and I couldn't move anything in for awhile. I have so many animals that I don't want to get fleas but we had to go in there....aahh. On top of all that, my dishwasher, dryer, and garbage disposal weren't working. But that finally got fixed...Praise God. Then, as previously stated, no friends stepped up to help me. I tell you this much, you find out who your true friends are in times like this. I was so down about it. I thought, "I help so many, why is no one helping me?" But Jesus reminded me, "I did not come to be served but to serve little one. You do as Me." "Ok, I'll just keep serving regardless. You're right, Jesus." But many thanks to the Parks', Steven, Aimee & Reeder who helped me...thank you so much...esp. you, Kristen and Steven!!! This whole process has been overwhelming!!! I am now on such a budget that I couldn't even buy contact paper for my drawers...Kristen had to buy it for me. Ha. :) Thanks again, friend! Amiss all the chaos, I have had to be at ballet recitals, graduations, graduation parties, baptisms, weddings, baby showers, etc. It's been crazy! So that brings me to today...

Last night was my first night in my new place for me and my animals. As I said before, it was weird. My animals had no clue where they were and pets like sameness. Linus kept barking at every car and person that walked by. I have to hoof it up and down 3 flights of stairs for potty breaks. I can't walk around due to all the boxes everywhere. I no longer have direct tv and internet (free things I had at home but can now no longer afford this luxury...and I work from home when not out with kids.) And I already found fleas on my poor dogs now. :( The list could go on and on but I will spare you my whining. WITH ALL THAT SAID...Obviously I was complaining to God this morning and wondering if I made the right decision. "Can I just see Your hand of favor in one thing, God...if this is of You?," I cried out. That's when I loaded up my dogs, took a break from un-packing, and decided to head to my parents for some free wi-fi and to water my plants. After dropping my dogs off, I headed to my dad's office for my weekly cleaning of it. While there I listened to my church on radio (too much to do to go today, sadly.) I tell you what, God spoke a word to me. SInce it's around Memorial Day a Marine shared a brief testimony. Thank yall for all you do!!! Anyways, one thing he said really hit me. He said, "it takes birth pains to lead to freedom." And after all the pain that he went through, he wondered what it was all for. Then one day, Iraqi kids were kissing his burned cheeks and thanking him and that's when he heard God whisper, "This is what it was for." After his testimony, the sermon was about Jacob wrestling with God and then receiving restoration. A good and timely word for me. That is what my 10 yr old nephew prayed over my new place a few days ago (he's so sweet.) That my new place would be a place of peace, fun and restoration for me. Amen! I felt encouraged and chose to praise.

So, I am still "wrestling," and look forward to seeing what all of these minor irritation were for. But until then, I know that life is full of irritations, it doesn't mean that we are not in HIs will. I choose to trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding and He will make my paths straight! Please pray for me. Freedom is on it's way...but right now, I am in birth pains. Pictures coming soon. I'm off to be busy, busy. Thank you, Jesus, that You are my Shepherd and in You I have everything that I could need or want! I'm officially in my first own place now...

Moving on up...

2010-05-22T14:14:00.004-05:00

Well, it's official....as of today I am signed to a 12 month lease on an apartment! I know, I am 30 and this is the 1st time that I am on my own. I could give a list of reasons as to why, but all that matters is that God said, "Now," I heeded the call, I'm taking a step of faith, and I am moving out on Wednesday! I'll be going from this about 600 sq ft tiny pool house in my parents backyard to 818 sq ft...woo-hoo...haha! :) If any of you are free this next weekend, please feel free to come and help me move! But seriously, pray for me in my new endeavor. I am scared yet so excited! I have been grateful for this free, little home and yard that accompanies it, but I am ready to see what God has in store for me...

In these last days...

2010-05-19T09:37:00.017-05:00

This past year has been probably the toughest year of my entire life! I have encountered many painful losses, lessons and changes. However, in the midst of it, and in some ways, I have truly learned what it is like to consider myself worthy to suffer like Christ. A constant theme that God has been stirring in my heart all year has been, "You must live for the Kingdom of God, not the Kingdom of this world." I have found that He has also been stirring this same theme in a few, close friends of mine as well. The Sermon on the Mount has come alive to me in ways that Jesus radically intended it too for all of us. And as I learn these things in this season of my life, I have also noticed a "trend" amongst many in the body of Christ as well..."The End Times." So many Christians are fixated on it...on how bad our world is getting. To some extent, I agree with them. But what I feel that they are missing out on, as they focus on Christ's 2nd coming, is focusing on His 1st coming as well and simply telling others about that. After all, isn't that what we are here for anyways? The Bible itself states that yes, times will be tough in the last days, HOWEVER, God will pour forth His Spirit beyond measure on Believers and there will also be a mighty outpouring of that as well. So as I couple the trend amongst my small group of friends and myself, and the one amongst many believers today, I deduct this...we are possibly headed quickly in towards the end times, but for the Christians who choose to actually live for the Kingdom of God and not the Kingdom of this world, a MIGHTY outpouring of His Holy Spirit is going to take place and it will be miraculous! Amen! I have already begun to see this take place. Far too long all of us Christians have been living lukewarm, for ourselves, including myself. But it is time now that God is going to separate the "sheep from the goats." What side do you want? I can tell you this much...living for the Kingdom of God is HARD, but so worth it. I can testify and will now with a quick story...
It was about a year ago today that this painful season took place in my life. God ripped me away from many things, ripped many people away, stripped me of my reputation, etc. I made some poor choices, other people made some poor choices, and we were all wildly hurt. Yet, in the midst of it all, God was right there waiting to graciously teach me some things and lead me to live radically for Him. I was faced with many decisions to be made, and the ones that I was making were not popular to the "world" at all. However, I just knew that I needed to make them and stick with them, despite the persecution. And I did. I was very mis-understood. I encountered a lot of painful losses, including of my own reputation. One choice was in a difference of relationships. Although very painful, I wasn't married or even engaged so I did not understand all the fuss of my decision. Nonetheless, people had a lot of opinions. I'm not saying that I handled it correctly. I surely did not. But I chose what God wanted for me, despite public opinion. This choice did not make sense to me, or to anybody else. But I just knew that it was God's choice. Although I was already a believer, it was the beginning of my undoing from living for the Kingdom of this world towards the Kingdom of God. A lot of painful things occurred after this decision was made and at times, when it got really hard, I wondered if I made the right one. However, all along the way, God kept re-assuring me that I did. The world was just not sure of it yet and singing me a different tune that was hard to hear. Months went by, and as previously stated, painful lessons were learned and losses occurred. However, I just knew that God wanted this for me. I had just yet to see why and that is when the doubts in my waiting period occurred. Like the Israelites, they were in bondage for so long. Then they were finally freed and promised a land flowing with milk and honey. However, they were asked to walk by faith, not sight. And many times they would lose their patience and make some poor choices. I felt like I was there. But God was calling me to patiently endure. So I did. Not perfectly though. And that is when "it" happened. A few days ago, I finally saw, not just knew, why living for the Kingdom of God vs. the Kingdom of this world pays off. God showed me just "why" He wanted me to pick this other relationship and all the other stuff that surrounded it. Although I am obviously not afraid to be real, this story is just too long and personal to go into. But I will say this, after this choice, my ex has found the one whom he is about to marry and so have I. And as I study up on God's idea of marriage, I have learned that marriage is beyond what we or the world thinks that we need. It a couple, signing up for war, but having each other to lean on in the midst of it. Just as salvation is the same thing. I don't know the details of my ex's new relationship/engagement. All I know is that they seem to "fit" more than he and I did and I am happy for him. But I can say for my new relationship...although not engaged yet, it will happen soon and I now know why God wanted us for each other. I have found myself a "David," who God wants me to partner with in these last days. It is for His Kingdom, not this world's or mine agenda. And I am so happy! You see, living for the Kingdom of God is radical, hard, un-like popular opinion, but it's full of blessings, joy and peace, and it changes this dark world. God has given me Steven David to live in these last days with and I have already gotten to taste what partnering with him for God's Kingdom agenda looks like. Now I know "why!" Ministering with Him and seeing people be changed is worth it all! We are not here for ourselves! Thank you, Jesus for 2 warriors now (You and Steven!) I love you both!
Friends, in these last days, choose the Kingdom of God! It is hard but so worth it...trust me! :) The Holy Spirit truly is the greatest high there is! All in God's timing will engagement pictures be on here... :) In the meantime, go and read the Beatitudes...

My life now..

2010-05-13T12:23:00.002-05:00

Here is a letter that I am about to send out to my Young Life donors and prayer warriors and wanted to share with you guys as well. This is an update on my life of sorts. Enjoy!

MISSIONS BEYOND AFRICA-5/13/2010
A couple of years ago I went on a mission trip to help aids orphans in Zambia, Africa. I raised over $3,000 in just 2 weeks for that trip. It was an amazing opportunity that I will forever be grateful for. However, recently it has made me ponder the giving that is sent my way in YL. I heeded God’s call on my life (to be on missions) when I was a Sr. in High School. At that time, I too believed that to be a missionary you must go overseas. But over the years I realized that is not entirely true. Jesus Himself didn’t go beyond only several miles from His own home. Yet, I see people be so quick to give to someone going overseas for a 10 day mission trip, verses someone who has decided to live their life on missions. And don’t get me wrong, as a missionary with Young Life, I hate asking for money. But unfortunately, that’s what missionaries have to do, and that’s what Jesus told us to do. I too support many missionaries myself. With that being said, I want to try and clarify what I am trying to say, with a quick story.

Just yesterday I sat with a college age girl over coffee and was blown away by how far she has come in her life. This girl was in my YL group and three years ago I sat beside her at her mom’s kitchen table and held her as she cried. She had just found out that she had gotten herpes and another STD from one of her many partners. She was only 16. We talked about how God wants to be the main man in her life and she cried even more about how it’s hard for her to believe that b/c even her own father didn’t care for her. He is an alcoholic who abandoned her. And her own mother didn’t portray the right lifestyle for her teen daughter either. This 16-year-old girl was in pain and all her friends either encouraged her to be promiscuous or disowned her for doing so. A few months later I talked her into going to camp and it was there that she accepted Christ. The next year was a rough road for her as she struggled in between 2 lifestyles. But she was hungry and we kept meeting. And all this brings me to yesterday. A couple years later and this young girl is home, from college, for the summer and she and I were meeting to discuss her role as an YL summer intern for me. She then whipped out her journal and bible from her purse and proceeded to share with me all that she is learning from Jesus. She was beaming. She shared how she is a Young Lives leader in Austin (YL to High School girls with babies) and how perfect she fits there. And then she shared how she is in a relationship with a guy who, for the first time, prays with her instead of takes advantage of her. She even wept over her lost friends. I walked away from our coffee date praising God for how far this girl has come. And then it hit me, when I went to Africa, I spent just a few days telling these little kids about the God that loves them and hugged them. But then I left. Don’t get me wrong, that’s better than nothing. It was a privilege. But then I left them in the same situation as before, with no one to walk this hard road with them. But with this former YL kid, not only did I get to tell her about Jesus, but also I got to walk the hard road with her and watch a transformation, which wouldn’t have taken place without discipleship. That is more of missions to me than my trip to Africa. A week in a foreign country, loving on kids for a short time is easy. The long haul, everyday is the hard part. Will you help me continue to go on missions right in your back door? These kids need you. I need you. Being in YL is a mission. Will you partner with me? Our area is in need of $25,000 to do “all that we need to do”, to keep me on staff, to hire more staff, to continue to get kids to camp, and for kids to hear the Gospel and be discipled. This young girl is even helping us financially. According to her, “YL changed my life. I want to help change others with Jesus too!” Please keep praying as well. Prayer is our main need and our camping season is right around the corner…
Thank you for your time,
Corrie Cline ☺

Hopeful expectation rooted in God

2010-04-28T13:37:00.007-05:00

Do you ever catch yourself feeling like my little buddy, Linus here? I recently have. I have been waiting on something for awhile now and God has promised me a hopeful future, and there are days (when I am Kingdom minded) that I patiently wait for it. But then there are other days, like today, when I get weary. This morning I felt like Linus and basically cried out, "Lord, I'm tired of waiting! I just want to crawl under the covers until it's all over. Why me? When will I get my turn?" In short, "Lord, kill me now"...but not really...Hahaha. Sounds like the good, 'Ol Israelites from of old, doesn't it? To tell you the truth, I sympathized with them today. I thought, poor things are finally miraculously delivered after years of slavery, in hopes of a Promised Land, only to find that they have to wonder in the desert for the next 40 years until they can get it. No wonder they kept sinning and falling and grumbling. I probably would have too. So with that frustrated state of mind is how I entered into my QT this morning. And then God took over...

After grumbling to Jesus (no better person to grumble too), I heard Him speak so clearly to me (thanks for helping with that, Hannita!) He said, "Corrie, You are Mine. I want You! You won't have to wait for 40 years if you obey me. I long to satisfy you quickly. But what is your Promised Land...Me or your answer? Settle My love for you deep in your soul once and for all. And I promise you will get your promised land, but also gain your real Promised Land. Yes, 'hope deferred does in fact make the heart sick. But I am your Hope." Ok, I got it. :) The Israelites didn't get it. But here is what I get...

Psalm 130:1&2, 5-7 states, "Out of the depths I cry (cry out) to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear (give undivided attention, give heed to, listen) my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy...I wait (patiently, to expect in, hope) for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word (promise) I put my hope (to wait, tarry, expect, to be patient, hopeful expectation rooted in God). My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen (to keep guard of, preserve, protect a flock, to retain, as a prophet, to maintain self discipline, to observe the commandments and promises of God, with the sense of tending a garden, the term expresses the careful attention paid to the obligations of a covenant) wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. O Israel, (Corrie) put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love (an act of merciful, faithful, and loving kindness, presupposes the existence of a relationship between the parties involved, and though men may prove unfaithful, God's hesed love is everlasting) and with him is full redemption(to redeem, ransom, buy back.)"

May this encourage you as it does me. Bind yourself to Him...your Hope! Your husband changing is a good hope, but not your Hope. God is! Stay Kingdom minded, friends!

Simpler Times

2010-04-25T20:55:00.007-05:00

Here's a secret about me...I am not technologically savvy. I still own a vcr and videos, and I just bought my first dvd player not too long ago. If it wouldn't have been for my ex bf's and the hundreds of techno savvy high school kids that I am surrounded by daily, I would be utterly lost in our current day and age...and I'm actually apart of this generation...ha! With that said, here is another secret about me. I am extremely hyper sensitive about movies and TV shows. It's my own conviction...but I can hardly watch anything in this day and age. However, I love movies, so I have found some good entertainment in the Hallmark channel. God bless Michael Landon! Do you even know who he is?...ha. Well, my sister knows of and shares my conviction so we are usually swapping movies. Yesterday she gave me one called, Saving Sarah Cain. It's no Academy Award Winner, but made from a Christian book and a good "feel good." I was supposed to be back to my "jet-setting" lifestyle today, but my body would not have it. This sinus infection blows! (Tucker can attest to that.) So I ended my day early and decided to curl up and watch this movie instead. During it I got interrupted by a family friend of ours. He and his wife were over sharing some fresh veggies and flowers with us, straight from their garden (see below pics of their swiss chard and fragrant sweet peas...beautiful!) I'm not kidding when I say that, boy do they ever have a garden! It's amazing! They brought over so much that I felt like I was in the movie, The Lord of the Rings, and visiting the Shire (OK, it's fresh on my mind...I just finished the trilogy!) :) Anyways, while they were here they clued me in on some organic products that they swore were sure to cure my sinus'. I was desperate, so with their advice, I paused the movie and headed out to our local central market to fetch it. Once home, I ingested the pills, and their home-grown veggies, and dove back into my movie. The movie was about an amish family and one woman's healing through them. It was simple. And it got me thinking about my up-bringing within a Quaker community. My family was not as simple, but I was surrounded by a community that my family founded and were all Quakers and Friends Church attendees. I liked the simplicity of the church. I no longer attend there but it taught me a lot. So with my mind still, and freshly ingested organic pills and veggies in my body, I did what I usually do on a busy-free, cool night...I jumped in the hot tub. And now I sit here, under the stars, in a somewhat techno free world, and type this post. It's times like these when I wish that I could throw my cellphone away and live simpler. But then I ponder, who would reach the lost world of kids that I am so fortunate to get to do life with? (see below pic of me with some before their prom.) And with that I am convinced that Jesus wasn't telling us to live in "The Village" (another movie...more Academy Award style), rather, to live in this world, just look different. And that is possible. The world needs us. But are you ready to be salt and light. You will look different. But don't we all like to stand out every once in awhile? I know I do. And by golly, I just realized that my nose and eyes haven't dripped once sit I wrote this. It's a miracle! Perhaps that stuff did work!? I sure hope so! I'll let you know. I'm off now to behold the wonder of our Creator in His heavens! Here's the sad part though...now what appears to be slow moving shooting stars at times are really just satellites. Horrible! Technology, you are cool, but stay away! :) Goodnight! :)

Playing Hookie...Kind of

2010-04-24T14:46:00.015-05:00

I feel like a high school kid again who is playing hookie and stupidly putting herself in the position to get caught (which I did a lot back then) but I'm actually not now. :) I was scheduled for and had a colonoscopy this weekend and God had in mind just to bar me in all together. It's just like God to know when we need some time out. And I did. As far as the colonoscopy goes, (Eww...I know....as one of my YL kids so eloquently put it) :) I am OK (for the most part), so praise Jesus! But it seems that I caught a sinus infection while in the hospital so that has me under now almost more than the remaining anesthesia. However, I have actually been pretty productive. Just today I was supposed to be attending (somehow): 2 baseball games, 2 different Spring Shows, a wedding shower, a fishing tournament, selling mulch, and a crawfish boil...but I opted out of them all due to all this. I feel as if I am playing hookie by admitting it publicly on here, but hopefully my peeps will understand. Instead, I have done things that I haven't gotten to do in awhile, and despite my ill health, I have actually gotten a lot done. I have: cleaned my house (as well as my insides...ha), washed my bedding (which is one of my most favorite smells in the world), done some more writing on my book, gardened and finally caught some sun (my ghostly self is happy), napped beside my babies (something I never do), almost finished the entire trilogy of the Lord of the Rings (extended version I might add...but my favorite), got some YL office work done (my least favorite part of the job), and actually worked out. It's a miracle! I'm ready to get back to my fast paced life starting tomorrow. That's what I'm used to. But for now, I have enjoyed the past 3 days holed up with Jesus!

Attached are some pictures from my land of boredom. You will find my bird, Woodstock, enjoying a morning on the deck with me and Jesus (outsmarting the pretty singing birds with all the words that he knows); a before and after of my garden (thats zuchini coming!); some of my Spring flowers (including one called The Passion of the Christ-Yes, it's real and so cool); the kids playing on a new hill my dad made for them; my sleeping crazy babies and my badges of honor; a duck escorting her baby at one of my YL kids houses on the water (so cute), and pretty flowers for the patient, from my sweet man. Enjoy! :)

Clash between two Kingdoms

2010-04-20T19:04:00.024-05:00

(Side note: Above pic is what my YL kids recently referred to as "Fight Club" during YL on Monday when we used these for a game. Ha!) :)

If you haven't been able to tell by now, I am not afraid to be "real" on my blog. You can call me a lot of things, but not real is not one of them. And this will be another "real" post, so brace yourselves. :)

Yesterday I was told that someone once close to me referred to me as "psycho." If I would have heard that a few months ago I would have believed it, let it define me instead of God, and lost it. Then I would have probably ended up truly acting "psycho" b/c I believed what they said about me. Ha! :) The funny thing is, I don't deny that I have "schizophrenic" tendencies at times...ha. However, in all fairness to people seriously struggling with personality disorders, and obviously contrary to popular belief, I am not psycho, schizophrenic, or any other thing like that and I praise God that this is (at least) not one of the struggles that I have had to battle. I truly do feel for those who do and mean no ill will by this post. Anyways, I will even refer to myself as "psycho" at times, but who isn't one time or another....get real?! :) But yesterday when I was told that, instead of getting upset, I chose truth, passed the test and laughed. For you see, just a few short months ago this certain individual sincerely adored me and had for years. So either they too are psycho or I realize that their reason to refer to me as such was only due to hurt and denial, so I just laughed. And if you are wondering, there is no reason to talk to this individual either (for various reasons.) But anyways, back to my point. I haven't learned how to "laugh" over night. God has been working on me and teaching me how to get my identity, security, wholeness, and satisfaction in Him for awhile now and not let other people or things to give that to me. It's been a hard lesson but such a fulfilling and blessed one.

You see, as my previous post stated, it's been an "up-hill battle" for me lately. I have felt the "clash between two Kingdoms" (thanks Tuck!) In fact, last Thursday I had a "psychotic" (ha) meltdown and I just lost it with the Lord. It's safe to do that with Him. That's the beauty of Jesus...He is never overwhelmed by our depth of need. And we're all needy folks. It's just a matter of what we're letting fill us. Only He satisfies. Anyhow, in this current season, each day I choose truth and I make it through, but that day I/my flesh had had enough and I was tired. I was sitting in my hot tub (on a beautiful Spring night I might add) and crying out to God, "Why don't I ever get a break, God? Everyone else around me does and I know that they are not trying harder than me to live for You! I just want to be 'HIGHLY FAVORED'!" And then instantly (and this does not happen often), as clear as I could hear Him in my mind and Spirit, God answered back (or downloaded truth to me, as my mentor likes to say.) I felt God clearly say to me,
"My child, Who in the bible did I refer to as 'highly favored'?" "Mary," I answered. "That's right. And what was taking place when I called her such?," God asked. "You were instilling Jesus inside of her," I answered. "That's correct. And what happened after that, baby girl? Did her fiance, Joseph want to leave her b/c he was sure of her indiscretion? Do you think perhaps that everyone judged her, slandered her, gossiped about her, and that her reputation was ruined b/c she was a pregnant, supposed virgin? Yes, all that did happen. But I gave her one friend who could relate to her and she could confide in, Elisabeth. Just as I have given you your best friend, Hanna. And Mary persevered, I called her highly favored (although no-one else did), and then she birthed the Glory of God! Who are you living for, child? The Kingdom of this world, or the Kingdom of God? Because if you want to do this thing with me, then you have to remember that not only all my disciples, but even I lost my reputation, was slandered, gossiped about, rejected. Yet, as a sheep led to the slaughter house, I did not open my mouth and I pressed on, as Hebrews 12 states. Will you? That is what the Kingdom of God is about. It is hard and you will be mis-understood and look different than the kingdom of this world, but you will birth the Glory of God and be highly favored." - God.

HELLO!!! I was blown away! Sometimes God has to grab my attention like that b/c I am so stubborn. :) But it's also because He cares for me and loves me so much and I treasure moments like that. And those moments are what point me to truth, get me back on track and enable me to laugh when I hear lies said about me. And they are indeed lies, b/c the only label I wear is the one of Whose I am and who I am in Him...and that, my friends, is a 'HIGHLY FAVORED CHILD OF GOD!' And that too is what you are...if you're willing to walk the hard, yet worth it road with Him. Are you? You see, when you do, the hard times don't go away, but in them you learn that, as the great Sermon on the Mount states, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." And you want the KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. It's what truly matters! Then God will give you sweet Kingdom moments (like mine last wk in my hot tub, or blessings from a great friend-thank you, Kristen :), or great Spring days like today) to carry on. Trust Him. We live not for this Kingdom, but His, and His looks way different. Are you willing to stand out? It's worth it! And He alone defines you and is everything that you need! Walk the way of the Kingdom of God!

God, I thank You that You are my: Security, Satisfaction, Shepherd, Safety, Comfort, I Am, Wholeness, King, Prince, Father, Friend, Counselor, Redeemer, Sanctifier, Trust, Teacher, Restorer, Savior, Prince of Peace, Treasure, Truth, etc. and You endure!!!!!! Amen! :)

And I know this is long, but I will end with a devotional that I daily get via e-mail from Proverbs 31 ministries. It probably sums all this up better... :)

Feeling Weak?
20 Apr 2010
Mary DeMuth, She Speaks Conference Graduate

"For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God." 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NASB)

I didn't know that when those older boys pinned five-year-old me to the earth, my backside poked by brambles, that someday God would choose that frightened little girl, sexually abused for a year, to shame the wise. But He chose a shattered me.

I didn't know that as my childhood home filled with drugs and unsafe parties, God would rescue weak and scared me. But, eventually, He salved my fears.

I didn't know that as I ran from other predators, the boys' marks on me like a beacon, I'd someday limp into the arms of a Savior. I felt debased, unworthy, ugly, dirty, ruined. But He welcomed me.

I didn't know that as my earthly father slipped from this earth, my Heavenly Father stood nearby, open armed. Though my earthly father's death left me fatherless, my Heavenly Father didn't orphan me. He grafted me into His family.

I didn't know that as I considered different ways to kill myself in junior high, as I faced a third parental divorce, that Jesus' own beautiful death provided a way of new life for me. He rescued me from taking my life.

I was all the things the apostle Paul wrote about in today's key verse, and then some. Neglected, needy, pained, lost, small, frightened. An d yet God took those negatives and beautified them with Himself. That's the great paradox God brings to all of us, no matter how "easy" or hard our upbringing. It's not that we're strong and sufficient and wise, it's that He is.

Perhaps you've looked back on your past and shuddered. Perhaps you've questioned God about why He'd allow atrocities in your life. But consider this: God gets the most glory in the life fully surrendered to Him, and it's hard for a self-sufficient person to submit. He does the most work in our helplessness. (See 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10).

Our weakness and frailty are not merely places of desolation; they are dance floors—holy places where the God of the universe is allowed to freely move in our lives. Our own lack allows for and welcomes this sacred dance where God's talent outshines our capabilities, where only He receives the glory.

Will you lay down your past today? Will you trust Him with the mess, the memories, the mayhem? If you do, He will take the marred pieces of your life, reassemble them, and make you fly. So you (because of Him) can shame the wise.

Lord, I confess I've seen my own injuries as reasons to blame you and keep You far from my heart. I'm sorry. Help me instead to see my weaknesses as a place where You can demonstrate Your strength. I welcome You into the painful places. Do something new and miraculous. I don't want to be embittered. I want to be free. And I want to give You all the glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
View the trailer for Mary's newest book, Thin Places: A Memoir and purchase your copy today of Thin Places: A Memoir by Mary E. DeMuth

The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God's Story by Wendy Blight

For more encouragement, read Stained and Ruined

Application Steps:
Find a trusted confidant and share your story with her. Confess ways you've pushed God away. Ask her to pray for you so that you can allow God into the painful places of your life.

Journal a prayer to God about your difficult memories. His shoulders are big enough to carry your authentic, raw words.

Ask God to specifically guide you to Scripture that speaks to your past. Write them out, put them in your purse, and memorize them.

Reflections:
Look back on your life. When have you felt closest to God? The most distant? What were your circumstances at each time?

In what ways are you afraid to surrender your past to God?

How can you choose today to believe the truth that God's strength is stronger where you're weak?

Power Verses:
Isaiah 43:18-19, "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." (NAS)

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong." (NAS

Restore

2010-04-07T13:06:00.008-05:00

"I am forced to restore (return, essentially denotes movement back to the point of departure) what I did not steal." - Psalm 69:4(b).

That is what I found yesterday in my reading of the Psalms. And it stuck out to me like a sore thumb! This Psalm is know as a Messianic/Imprecatory Psalm about Jesus. Obviously, Jesus is saying here that on the cross He had to restore what He didn't ruin. We did. I thought about that and how, as Romans 7 declares, "Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift of Jesus by rescuing us from our body of death!" (paraphrased.) And then I also thought, "Not only has Jesus made it possible for me, but I too can restore what I did not steal (through the generational sins and strongholds that have been passed down to me through my family line.)" You see, it's been kind of a rough road for me. And as I look around at loved ones my age who seem to be "on the right track of blessings," I'm not envious; I am happy for them, But I want my turn! That is what I was feeling yesterday..."Lord, why does everything come so hard for me? I feel like I have to fight so hard only to advance an inch!" I was pretty dis-heartened yesterday about this. But then this morning....

This morning God's mercies were fresh, like they are every morning, and He spoke a gentle word to me. He is so good like that! Praise You, Lord! :) I know some of my choices of dis-obedience have put road blocks on my path. As I also know that learning how to and trying to "restore what I have not stolen" have as well. Both things have made my path a little more rougher. However, God reminded me of three things this morning that I hope also encourage you as they did me.

1.) Although it is painful to be refined, God will use, if you let Him, every hard thing in your life to bring Him Glory! In your sin, He will bring mercy; in your impossibilities, miracles; in your sickness, healing; in your turmoil, peace. And in the end, the beauty of the metal will demonstrate the beauty of the Refiner! (Worship the King devo.)

2.) God does not judge as the world judges. He looks at the heart, I must keep His perspective. For I desire first and foremost to be highly favored by Him!

3.) As the Gospels state when Jesus referred to Mary, "He who has been forgiven much, loves much." Amen! I love Him so much more for He is truly all I have, my definer and refiner. And He really has brought me so far! Maybe not to the earthly world's perspective, but in His! Hallelujah!

You see, I have a choice now to make of obedience. That is how I "restore what I did not steal" and make it a little easier for those who go behind me. For that is why I am here anyways...To leave His mark in this world. Not to look the best in the world's messed up eyes. For Satan is the Prince of this world. I want to live by The Prince of Peace's Kingdom alone! And as Rocky says, "It ain't about how hard you're it. It's about how hard you can get hit, how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" Amen! :) What can I say, I love Rocky!

Live for the Prince of Peace's approval alone friends. He restores You and will equip you to restore the baggage that you too didn't steal! There is a Way! Hallelujah and Amen!

Happy 3rd Birthday, Linus!

2010-04-01T13:04:00.008-05:00

Dear Linus,

I know that you're just a dog and can't read, but I am 30, have no kids and love animals and you so mommy is writing to you on here today! :) You turned 3 today and I can't believe it! You are getting so old! I thanked God for you in my prayer time this morning and it made me realize just how far that I have come in these past 3 years that I have known you! Oh thank you, Jesus!!! You came at just the right time in my life-as a door for healing had opened up and this little blessing stepped in. I will never forget driving far away to get to go and get you with sweet Philicia. I had searched for you intricately for months and knew I found the right place when I saw the ad. I went to the lady's house planning on getting a little girl, but you sold yourself to me. You were so hyper and funny and cute...I just knew that you were the one. The moment I put you in the car you crawled up on my neck and have stayed there ever since. You have separation anxiety when I leave and nearly throw a fit when I return. You have brought me such joy and comfort over the years...just as all these pictures protest. You love people, being the center of attention, road trips, hammocks, sitting on my neck, playing with all your toy bunnies, sitting at my side, trying to attack other animals, treats, and steak. I bought Lucy thinking that you would enjoy her companionship but you didn't. You just wanted me. Ha. However, you have grown to love her and play with her well and I am very proud of you for that. You also take your daily walks and vitamins, although you hate them, and I am equally proud of you for that as well. And you are lightening up on Sally. Good job my little grouchy man! You are so quirky, buddy....it makes me laugh. You definitely have your own little personality. From your crooked smile, to your side glances, to all your many health problems and your growling when you're happy, and everything in between. I love how you dig a nest in my bed before you go to sleep. I love everything about you and hope for many more years! You are a gift to mommy and loved by many! Happy Birthday, King Lino!!!! I love you so much! :) In fact, as I type this you are so cutely sleeping on my couch right now. I could just eat you. Oh wait, someone just came to the door and now your are barking. Ruined moment but typical Lino. :) Gotta go...

Happy Passover an Easter weekend!!!

It is Finished!

2010-03-31T11:47:00.014-05:00

It's Spring time and I find myself playing outside a lot (hence why I have not been on here a lot lately.) I am LOVING...this weather, gardening, trips to the beach and zoo, walks and runs outside, QT's outside, hot tubs, games, etc.!!! :) In fact, as I type I am beholding birds building nests, butterflies gliding, birds chirping, hummingbirds drinking at my feeder, flowers in beautiful bloom, my wind chimes ringing, my dogs frolicking and chasing squirrels, and the sun gently yet cooly beating down on my skin. Oh praise Jesus! I love Spring and what this season symbolizes as we remember what Christ has done for us! I was actually reminded of it a fresh this morning.

I was reading one of my devotions, which had me in Psalm 42 and 23. It was talking on how when God's "breakers sweep over us and His rod comforts us." I was reminded of how God spoke those verses to me this past summer, when He allowed a certain season to unfold for me and literally changed my life. I saw where I had marked in my bible when He gave me those verses and I was able this morning to write, "It is finished," beside them! Then that got me to thinking of when Christ said, "It is finished" from the cross and just what that meant. That's when I decided to study this matter a bit further. I looked up what the original meaning for the word "comfort" meant, in the context of Psalm 23. It means to change one's heart, mind, actions, disposition. Hello! Oh my!...Through the recent hard season that I walked through, that is exactly what He did. And I am different! I am walking in new life! And that is what God did for Jesus on the cross. Jesus pleaded in the Garden of Gethsemane for "this cup" to be taken from Him, but it wasn't and yet He went to the cross willingly, and then He and we were made new! Same for me. I begged Him to take this past season from me but He didn't so I willingly went through it and therefore was made new! That all got me thinking even further about why, after this past season of pain yet freedom, and the beauty of the spring, why am I still so frustrated in my life right now? I am so grateful for where God has taken me, but there are so many things that I wish were different but aren't, and I am so frustrated! Well, I am studying Romans right now and I came across something interesting that I have never known before.

Paul writes that we are justified by faith. I looked up the original meaning of the word "justified" and found that it means to be declared holy. I always thought that it meant that God made us holy. But it states that He declares us holy, and by faith, we believe it. It made perfect sense once i learned that. For, we generally act out what we believe about ourselves. We are in fact fallen creatures, but God Himself declares/justifies us as holy/righteous. And by faith, we believe that, then we will generally act accordingly. Amazing! Just like God in His perfect timing, this truth has been discovered at just the perfect time for me. I want to do things on my own, but God, just like in the recent season that He brought me through, wants to do things through me, to the Glory of His Name! His "rod" "comforts" (changes) us, His declarations make us Holy! And with that I was reminded of my new garden. I planted it (and re-planted it...see last post) :), I fertilized it, I water it, I put it in the sun, but now there is nothing that I can do but pray that God makes it grow and wait and see what fruit it brings. Same for everything else in my life. You see, the work has been done on the cross, we have already been declared holy...IT IS FINISHED! Now we just bask in what God has made us and keep our roots in Him. Just as this season symbolizes...we have been buried with Christ in His death, and raised to walk in newness of life! It is not anything on our own. The work has been done for us. Let His rod comfort you and then bask in the green pastures that He lays you in! May this weekend be a celebration of what He has done for you! I'm finally just now getting it myself! Oh praise Him!

Gardening

2010-03-16T13:44:00.019-05:00

As my last post stated, I am currently enjoying all that Spring has to offer...the rodeo, flowers, butterflies, sunshine, great weather, hummingbirds, newness, a little break from work, and gardening. This past Sunday I decided to dig up all that the freeze killed in my yard, buy some new plants, and re-plant some beautiful newness. I was so excited and God provided such a beautiful day! So I headed out to a great nursery, picked out my most favorite flowers, plants and herbs that I could afford, some mulch (notice that I did not say soil), and headed home. I got home, plucked out all the dead plants and threw them away, and carefully "miracle-growed" and planted all my new beauties. I then watered them all and stood back to behold the beautiful sight. I was happy with my effort. All the while I was in a bit of a hurry though b/c I knew that I had to get ready for night church soon and I wasn't going to miss it. So after I rushed through the process, I just as quickly got dressed and rushed out the door for church (which was a great service by the way.) But that night it hit me, as I lay in bed, that I hadn't planted in soil, only mulch. What was I thinking? Could they survive? Early the next morning (yesterday), I presented that question to my gardening father while it was fresh on my mind. To which he replied, "No, plants cannot grow in mulch. They need soil." AAHH!!! I knew what I had to do and set out to do it immediately. I hurried and bought soil and headed home and had to re-plant EVERYTHING!!! I did just that, covered them in all the mulch that I had just bought, and then said a prayer. It was done. Now I just had to wait and see.

I then quickly headed out to the rodeo and enjoyed a night there last night. I was so thrilled to hear them open in prayer...Glory! I have never arrived early enough to hear them do that. I had a good time there (as I always do) but am sad to say that my night didn't end as glorious. I legitimately got upset about something while there but instead of just addressing it and letting it go, I stubbornly shut down for the rest of the evening. I struggle with doing this a lot. When I went to bed last night I was frustrated that I had let that incident ruin my night. I awoke this morning and presented my dilema to God in my QT. To which I felt Him ask me to look up stubborn and shut down in the dictionary. He is funny that way. :) I discovered the following...

Stubborn: Tenaciously un-willing to yield, not responding to treatment, obstinate, persistent manner, difficult to handle/manage or treat.

Shut down: Cease to operate or cause to cease operating, to settle so as to obscure vision, close in, to make ineffective in competition.

Hello...those are horrible things and inherited traits that I don't want to be and I no longer want to hold onto! I pleaded with God for a breakthrough and had a powerful QT about this with my Jesus. At one point I had just finished reading Psalm 115 and then looked out my window at my new, pretty flowers and a hummingbird at his new feeder, and it hit me...the parable of the sower.

You see, those flowers would have lived for awhile in the mulch that I had stupidly :) planted them in, but they could not have rooted and thrived. Just like me. I can coast along in life simply knowing Jesus, knowing I will make it into Heaven, and allowing a few changes here and there, but if I don't stay rooted in the word of God with a teachable Spirit, then I will not thrive in the abundant life that He has called me too. And that, my friends, is what we all want and need...just as Psalm 115 talks about. I've said it before and I will say it again, we are here for His Glory! And in order to bring Him Glory we must stay deeply rooted in Him and His Word. I know the things that usually trigger me to stubbornly shut down, and I must now humbly catch them and choose truth. And the coolest part about God's Glory is this...He doesn't just cut off branches, but He also brings newness of life!!!!

Just as my yard was looking like a frozen, dead, barren and ugly wasteland, so had my life start to look over a year ago. I was trying to "grow in mulch," not looking to Jesus but other things, and beginning to look like my idols (lifeless...see Psalm 115.) But then, He plucked me out in order to re-plant me, and it hurt...as His Glory always does. I was fruitless for awhile, but I was establishing roots. But now, just as it has turned from Winter to Spring, I have begun to bear fruit, and all Glory to God! It's just like baptism, like the cross to the Resurrection. We are buried with Christ, and raised to walk in newness of life! Hallelujah! But in order to bear fruit and thrive, we must dig our roots deep in Christ and His Word, allow Him to trim off the dead branches, and THEN we will bear much fruit, to the Glory of His Name! Praise God for the seasons in our life! And praise Him for bringing life from death! I am raised to walk in newness of life...Hallellujah! That is in fact my favorite part about baptism! :) Go and do some planting friends. It's so therapuetic. I hope to have pictures of new growth to show you soon! May my life portray it at least! :)

"He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126.

Spring has Sprung!

2010-03-11T16:14:00.006-06:00

I love all the flowers that are popping up everywhere now a days! Praise Jesus! :) The beauty and this weather puts a spring in my step! In fact, my grandfather moved into a nice retirement home today and as I was there helping him, I couldn't help but dance down the hallways. My aunt was embarrassed of me but I didn't care. Why would she be embarrassed of me anyways? You should have seen the old folks doing the Wii Fit...HILLARIOUS!!! :) Yeo, I always love when the sun gets to shine a little longer and brighter! My skin craves the sun and I have enough sun spots now at 30 to prove it! :) Perhaps my new found taste of freedom is mostly the reason for my joy! In fact, I know it is! But with that comes a big target on my back. Will I stay faithful? The enemy is already trying to trip me up. Just today my mind wrestled with going back to an old habit of mine that needs to stay dead and buried. KSBJ was playing in the background, and as the thought entered, I heard words over the radio declaring a Father's love for a child. As soon as I heard it I thought, "Why would I want to hurt my Father so bad? That would grieve Him. And besides, I know better. I am His royal princess of a daughter." As soon as I thought it, my mouth dropped. I FINALLY GOT IT!!! Praise Jesus! :) I'm sure He was thinking the same thing too...ha. :)

You see, my dad was around growing up, but not involved. So too grasp the concept of God as my caring Father has been hard for me. I know it in my head, but it doesn't control my heart. But I got it today! Oh thank you, Lord! May I never forget! Man, once we grasp just truly Whose we are and who we are in Him, EVERYTHING thankfully changes! Do you know Whose you are and who you are in Him? Find out. Then choose to believe it 'til it eventually seeps into your very marrow and one day you just get it. After all, the apostle John knew what He was talking about when He placed love and obedience together!

On a side note, as I type today I am not feeling as pretty as yesterday's blog attested too. My nails are already messed up! They are stained blue from painting with my nieces, and chipped from being the compulsive hand washer that I am. This crazy girl can't seem to stay clean and I guess that too is part of the reason for me not spending money on these kinds of things. :) And lastly, enjoy a shout out from my cat, Sally. She got spayed today so is under the weather. Don't these photos just speak what we women feel sometime??? :)

Happy Spring friends! Enjoy it! :)

Glory hurts

2010-03-10T17:49:00.011-06:00

I sit here typing with beautiful, freshly manicured nails- and it thrills me. Today my boss and YL decided to treat the few girls that we have on staff to a day of pampering. I got a manicure, pedicure, massage and free lunch. It was nice! (See picture below of my boss getting a pedicure!) :) This is a luxury that I don't take the time to do for myself very often (nor do I have the money for.) And to be honest, it's something that has never been too terribly important to me. You see, it's pretty safe to say that I have struggled with self-loathing/hatred for well of most of my life. It's a wound that began at the age of 5 and that Satan has picked at for forever. It's really sad actually. But it has never really grieved me until recently. To me, I just couldn't stand me. But it didn't seem to bother anyone else (so I thought) and I didn't see myself as worth the trouble anyways, so I tried not to focus on me...unless I was criticizing myself (which I was all the time; so oddly enough I was always focused on, well...me.) That's exhausting just to write. But that all changed a few months ago...

In the last chapter of John and Stasi Eldredge's book, Love & war, John talks about how we usually learn to love through bearing our cross. Yep and Amen! And my Bible teacher, Beth Moore, once said, we move from Glory to Glory, and Glory hurts, but it is something that is indescribeably beautiful. Can I hear another Amen?! I knew that but I didn't "KNOW" that...not until a few moths ago. It was the most painful season in my life that I have honestly EVER walked through. But in it, God took over and LITERALLY rocked my world! He tested me, refined me, encouraged me, loved me, strengthened me...and changed me...HALLELUJAH! I am truly different. But being the self-loather that I am, I didn't grasp just how different. Not until last night.

You see, over the past few months I have found my identity in Christ and have learned to love me. But over-coming self-hatred is a process, so although I was changing, the old part in me still tended to focus on my negatives vs. my positives. But last night, God grabbed my little face and spoke a word to me. I was where I have always been on a Tuesday night for he past 10 years...prayer & bible study. After prayer one of my friends came up to me and said, "Corrie, you prayed that the peace of Christ would rule in your heart and I just wanted to tell you that it does. I see it in you. You are different." (Thanks, Gina!) :) After that we got to talking a bit about just how different our lives were- for the better...praise Jesus! A little while later, my prayer mentor grabbed me, w/o knowing of what had just happened, looked me dead straight in the eyes, and said, "Corrie, you are different. You have always been beautiful, but you truly radiate Christ now and there is a maturity about you from Him." To which I replied, "That's what Gina just said." To which she replied, "Then it's confirmed." She spent the rest of the night continuosly speaking that over me in several ways. And on top of that, during our prayer time God gave me Psalm 126...about how He has turned our mourning into dancing. That's how I felt. After that we all headed into Bible Study. Praise and worship started us off and I found myself compelled to go to the altar to offer a sacrifice of praise (along-side you, Gina.) I have never done that before but it seemed so fitting. I felt God whisper to me, "My sweet one, you have come so far but not yet taken time to see it. Stop for a moment, quit focusing on all the areas that you need to grow in for a bit, and just enjoy how far you have come." And that I sure did. All praise to you, my Lord! "Lord, You are my Lord! A part from You, I have no good thing!" After that Bible study began and, in short, Beth taught on how far our lives come with Christ! Hello! He sure wanted to get my attention! I left bible study last night with a heart of praise. I am not who I was...Glory! Yet, I sadly grieved a bit too...but in a good way. B/c in having that revelation, I also realized just how much damage I had caused those around me through my self-loathing. That's what led to a lot of the painful season that I had just walked through. What an idiot I was. I never want to go back to her! But in Christ, I am not who I was! But the best part is, I have learned to love. Not just me...but also others (I'm so sorry to you know who!)

You see, that painful season: made me utterly aware of all that was ugly in me, stripped me of all that was me, showed me all that was God, made me utterly aware of just how good He really is, and humbly taught me how to love Him, myself, and others. Glory! It's all I have ever wanted. I don't know if I am making sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. I understand why we are here now. I have tasted freedom finally! We are not here for ourselves, but to bring God glory. And glory hurts...just like the cross. But it 's what counts, what matters, what ful-fills. It teaches you how to love and be loved. It's something that I never really knew but always wanted too. I see things so differently now. Now I just want to return, carrying sheaves with me! And I am and will...praise Jesus! It's all about Him, not about me! Glory!

Now, I can enjoy my manicures b/c I know that I am worth it. But I don't need them to define me nor do I want to spend all my money on that. Does that make sense? It does in my crazy brain at least! I sure hope so! In closing, enjoy a recent picture of my man with his niece. In him, God is giving me a do-over. Oh praise you, Jesus! My heart is full of praise! :) He can make you different too! Let Him...

Pressing On...

2010-03-08T13:54:00.019-06:00

First things first, a little bit of "randomnity" (see through pictures at bottom)...

I house-sat this weekend for one of my favorite YL girl's, D'laney, and her duck, Weezy (she bought it on line last week...ha.) Here is Weezy! He is so cute and funny and the animal lover that I am had a great time!

I am slightly obsessed with the new serve yourself yogurt craze and have found a new place that I love most particularly. My niece, Abi and I frequent here a lot and I can't get enough of the fruit flavors topped with mochi...yum!

Speaking of Abi, below you will find a picture of her dancing. She gets bored watching her brother and sister's many different games. So this past weekend (when she realized that a cute, 5 yr old boy was sitting right beside me), she decided to dance right in front of us, in order to get his attention of course. Here is a picture of the ballerina in action. It did end up getting his attention. So you know what he decided to do?...Show her how strong he was by arm wrestling me. It was so cute yet so freaking hillarious. It was such a fun portrait of how God designed us. Ladies asking the men in their life, "Do you see me? Do you think I am beautiful?" And men, "Do you see me? Look how strong I am!" Oh that we would know our worth in Christ and then find someone to share our beauty and strength with!

Gabby's 17th birthday was the day after her mom's funeral. She had a good time though! Please keep praying for her! (see previous post.)

Of course I had to include a picture of one of my babies. I love my little Linus! Lucy is not on here but she is just a little ball of cuteness! :)

And lastly, the freeze destroyed all of my well-loved flowers, but one miraculously just popped it's head up and it smells delightful. Do you happen to know what it is? I have no idea what it is, nor do I have any recollection of ever planting it, but here it is and it smells and looks beautiful! Such a picture of the new things God brings us after tragedy. With that being said...

One of my mentors recently suggested that I watch the movie, Up again. I've seen it once and loved it, but she brought to my attention of how much it covers loss and all it's appropriate stages of grief. Even though I know it is of God, and have such a peace about it, I have had to let go of a huge part of my life recently and embrace some new things. It's been a weird adjustment for me and my un-risky self. So I sat down to watch Up and it was pretty healing for me. Loss comes in all different various forms. We can experience it like my sweet Gabby just did (through the death of her mom); or through a move, changes in our life, a loss of a relationship, etc. Bottom line, as I just told Gabby, we must grieve, but not grieve as if there is no Hope. So that's what I did. I "un-packed my house" and grieved the loss of a sweet "Ellie" in my life and also some things that I wish I had done different. But the best part of watching that movie came when I realized the blessing of the little boy. God too brought me a "little boy" through my loss. (Hahaha...sorry Steven!) :) Most of you know, but for those who don't, my new boy friend, Steven is younger than me and came at a "weird" time during my loss. It didn't make sense at first. However, I have no doubt that he was sent from God. He is such a blessing to me that I thank God for daily! It's un-explainable, but it brings Glory to God and blessing and healing to both of our souls...just like the old man and little boy in the movie. Just like my flower after the freeze. And that my friends, is the beauty of the grace of God.

We will have to grieve over things lost. And we must let certain things go...Just as my pastor stated yesterday (while preaching on Genesis 22.) But it's all for the Glory of God. I taught last week at Yl on Romans 7. Something I found so interesting in my preparation was when Paul said, in verse 24, "who will rescue me from this body of death?" In those days, tyrants would punish prisoners by strapping a dead body to them. But is that not what we do ourselves? We have been given new life in Christ but we can't help but strap on our old, dead, heavy selves daily. We lug our "houses" around and therefore can't really walk in newness of life. You see, the old man in the movie, Up, was too busy trying to "maintain his house," that he couldn't embrace the new blessing that God has sent his way. I have done that for too long. We need to let those things go...even the good things that God calls us to, as He did Abraham. But only so we can embrace the full life that He has for us! And we will have to grieve some. But we need not grieve as one with no hope! For we have a God who restores and send us blessings along the way! He is our hope! You should go watch Up now. :) As Ellie writes to her husband in the movie, "Thanks for the adventure- Now go and have a new one!"

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18&19.

Perspective

2010-03-05T15:59:00.007-06:00

I attended one of my close YL girl's mom's funeral today. It was heart-breaking. I stood by balling and watching as a father (who has never told his daughter that he loved her) embraced his daughter and said it for the first time as she laid balling on the casket. I prayed silently the whole time. Gabby's mom died un-expectedly a few days ago (in her sleep) and Gabby found her the next morning- all by herself. She has no siblings or close relatives nearby. It seems her diabetes had taken a turn for the worse. On a positive note, Gabby accepted Christ with me at camp last summer and has been walking with God ever since (which is sadly rare.) Therefore, she has hope in her grief and she knows that. I also have had a lot of time with her in these past few days and it has been sweet. And, after the burial, a bunch of YL, high school kids that were there followed me to my car (b/c we were all signing a huge poster board for Gabby.) It afforded me a great opportunity to talk to them about today. They were ripe for silence, perspective, reflection, meaning. And I took the opportunity to share with them how we need to take time every day for this, not just at funerals...b/c you never know. They agreed. Now if they heed this advice is one thing...but at least I got the opportunity to share. This whole thing has gotten me thinking a lot lately. Hence why I penned the following note to my YL donors a few days ago (see bottom.) I left that funeral today in tears. Yes, for my sweet friend, Gabby. But also as I myself reflected on life. I have wasted so much time b/c of my own insecurities and such. It saddens me deeply. I hurt someone very dear to me but I am grateful that he is happy now. And I too no longer want to miss opportunities. I want to live...even when it hurts. We all need too. And most importantly, I want to live out the great commission. That is what I am doing with YL. Will you help me?

Perspective – By: Corrie Cline, YL, 3/1/2010
It’s a Monday evening, about the time when most people are getting off of work and ready to head home to some well-deserved relaxation. But not me. I’ve spent the day running errands, getting ready for Young Life (YL) tonight, working on papers for my seminary credit/training for YL, bustling around YL office work, compiling all of my YL miles to turn in for some compensation, and taking care of a 16 year old girl that has just sadly and unexpectedly found her mom dead at home. Needless to say, I am tired. But it’s off to more work for me. I mentioned to a friend how I did not want to go to YL tonight. To which he replied, “But what a privilege! You have the distinct opportunity to witness to over 100 lost high school kids about Jesus at one time. Most Christians would die for that opportunity!” Wow! I had never thought about it that way. To me, YL has become just a job. And a job it is. However, in reality, it is also (and most importantly) a ministry of which I am privileged to serve. So tonight at YL, un-like usual, I sat in the back of the crowd (during the talk) and just took in what my friend had reminded me of earlier. Over 100, lost high school kids were here- quiet, and listening as a leader told them of the God of the Universe’s plan and love for them. Yes, we had a lot of fun (as we always do in YL), but more importantly, they got to hear the Gospel and respond. I witnessed so much “fruit” tonight. Perhaps b/c I was looking with different eyes. What you don’t see (when you go home tired at the end of the day) is what I get the privilege to witness every day…a lonely 16 yr old who just lost her mom and needs a friend; a 17 yr old girl who just found out that she has herpes b/c of her past, crazy lifestyle, but doesn’t want to tell her mom (only me) and is determined to change and does (and now leads Bible studies); a boy struggling with anger but having no man to lead him; a girl who wants desperately to quit drugs; a 17 yr old couple with a baby and trying to start a life in these circumstances; a girl who accepted Christ at camp last year and is desperately trying to live different than her “partying” friends, but is sad that b/c of that she doesn’t fit in. The list could go on. I attend funerals, Dr’s visits, games, sleepovers, and baby-sit their animals (all when parents sadly won’t or can’t.) And I know the Hope for them and get the chance to share it with them. Now that is some perspective.
I love battling the front lines in the ministry of YL, but can’t continue without your gracious support. Will you please continue to give or decide to do so now? So far I’ve made it 2 years on your support and there is such fruit from it! Thank you…it truly is making a difference! God is so good! And let’s remember, times may be shaky, BUT OUR GOD is the constant security and the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills! He will provide! Be blessed as you have blessed me! I thank God for you and pray for you daily, truly! Thank you for loving High School kids with me,
Corrie Cline ☺
Gabby is the girl on the left... :)

Daughter

2010-02-23T11:58:00.004-06:00

As my last post stated, God is calling me "out of hiding," in a certain area of my life. I've struggled with this issue for years but recently just discovered the depth of it and pleaded with Him to heal it quickly, as He did the woman who was bleeding for 12 years! It is a learning process, but one that I felt He has said, "Daughter, your faith has healed you." Amen! Just a touch of His robe is all that it takes. Glorious! There you will find me, every morning on my knees, touching the hem of His garment, as He swings His robe down low! Just as one of my favorite Caedmon's Call songs used to say. It's a growing pain. Yet, God who is so rich in mercy, gives us Sabbath rests in between. Recently He has been giving me Sabbath rests through kids...which I love! How fun! As you can see, I have gone on bike rides with my niece & nephew (on my brand, new, amazing bike from Steven-yay!); watched barbie movies with my littlest niece, Abi (as she wears her new baseball helmet the entire time-ha!); witnessed my YL kids play powder puff and the new, hot game, ninja; held babies; walked dogs, etc. These are the moments where Jesus lets us breathe...take in the cross and behold His Majesty! Enjoy these times...behold them! But don't shrink from the lessons. He is transforming you and is able to stop whatever your "12 years of bleeding" is! Have faith...you, in fact, are the King's precious daughter!

Hide & Seek

2010-02-21T11:22:00.024-06:00

I have felt so many breakthrough's in my life lately and have finally been moving forward...praise Jesus! It has been so of God and so glorious! However, last week I felt pretty attacked and a draw pulling me back to things. It was rough. On top of that, I was pretty busy and didn't have much time with Jesus. Red flag! So on thursday night I decided that I was going to fast on friday. I didn't really know what for just then, just felt that I needed too. I awoke on Friday, fasting and crying out to God in prayer for some help. I then headed to meet with a wonderful mentor and counselor that God has placed in my life. She is a gifted woman of God, full of His Spirit and wisdom. During our time together God gave her a picture of me as a little girl and revealed to her and I some things that I needed some healing from. We prayed through it and it was such a sweet time. You can think this sounds crazy, I don't care. Take it up with God. :) But I found answers to questions that I had been asking and I left my time with her feeling free-er. I felt God whisper into my heart, "this can only come out by prayer and fasting, my child." Ahh...my fasting made sense now. His word is so true!!! :)

After that I headed to meet my good friend, Kristen for coffee. She spoke truth and encouragement into my life, and we spurred one another on towards love and good deeds. I was so grateful when I left...for Jesus, for mentors, for Godly friends...which we all need! I headed home with a picture on my mind. I raced to see if I had a blank canvas at home and I did! Listen, I am no gifted artist. But every once in awhile I feel an itch to either worship the Lord through art or writing and so I do. I feel compelled too. See pic below. It is no prize but I know that it delights my Lord! :) And there you have the picture of my bird! I painted that in 30 minutes. So as you can see, it's not perfected, but straight from Him to me. He's so good that way! And I feel I should share it with you too. Here's why...

If my vulnerability and stupidity can help anyone, so be it. You see, before church today I balled for the grief in our world. "Why can't my loved ones just get You?," I cried to the Lord. And then I felt God softly and lovingly remind me, "Why can't you too, my child?" Aahh. Last night my man, Steven went to great lengths to show me his love for me...and he was so excited too. I was thrilled inside but couldn't show it. That is how I have always lived my life. I feel un-worthy of extravagant ways of love shown to me...it's un-usual to me, so I seem, sadly, un-grateful. Without going into personal detail, that happened last night. Steven had bought me my favorite flowers, written me the SWEETEST poem, etc. And I couldn't receive it...nor did I know how to handle it. But I loved it inside. So this morning, as I was praying for my loved ones to "get Jesus," that's when I felt God whisper to me, "You too. You are worthy, child." I lost it. It it the very wound my mentor and I had just addressed 2 days prior. One that I believe God released into the heavenlies that day, (hence my bird inspired painting) but was now doing so on earth, in my heart today. He is so tender! I don't know if this makes sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. It was at this time that I peened my poem (below) in just 4 minutes! Then I headed to church.

At church my pastor was talking on Genesis 18 & 19 and the destruction of Sodom & Gommorah. Basically, we must, un-like Lot, make our lives count for Christ. And we do so by looking to the cross. That is where our worth is found! It was a perfect completion to my weekend. Friends, different things may pull you back, just as happened to Lot's wife. But we must not let them win! As I will say 'til I die...We have the VICTORY in Jesus! Look to Him and you will soar as my bird implies! Come out of hiding and make your life count for something now! He alone is Your Hiding Place who surrounds you with songs of deliverance! He is waiting for you to come out with Him...! There's life to be lived...with Him! :)

Hide & Seek, By Corrie

"Come our of hiding, little one
It's time to come and play
I've fought off all the monsters
it's a brand new, beautiful day
the sun outside is shining
the birds are chirping too
the butterflies are flying
we're all just waiting for you
your dogs are playing chase
your bird is praising Me
your cat is chasing my robe-
as it flows ever so freely

that closet is dark and dim
you need not hide anymore
I'm coming in to get you
I'm scooping you off the floor
You are so precious to my, my child
I've longed to hold you tight
I've sought you in the shadows
I've fought for you with all my might

no need to hide anymore
Your heart is safe with me
so come out of hiding, My princess
I alone am your Hiding Place
and I have come to set you free!"

Love & War

2010-02-17T11:41:00.012-06:00

Yesterday I was having my QT when I watched my cat, Sally jump up on my couch and cuddle herself right up next to a couple of books that I am currently reading (Beth Moore's, So Long Insecurity & Eldredge's, Love & War-both great reads!) Anyways, right away, my sweet, Lucy jumped up and snuggled herself right up beside Sally. I was taken back by such an adorable sight...until I watched Sally bite Lucy. Ha. The fight quickly ended and then they both snuggled in and went to sleep. It was a sweet, peaceful and loving sight. (Of course my little Linus wanted nothing to do with either one of them. He is a bit of a loner and Momma's boy.) Well, I went about my QT (having no idea what that scene would later represent to me) and then had to run out the door for a YL meeting. That's why I have been vacant lately. YL has been pretty busy. And I also feel that I am just a sponge right now. I am learning a lot, but the words aren't quite ready to be squeezed out (so to speak) just yet. Anyways, after a long day I returned home to find my Love & War book ripped to sheds. Oops...I know better than to leave things at my "farm's" direct access. I just laughed. Serves me right. I grabbed the book, tried to salvage the cover, and then sat down to read another chapter from it. Lo and behold, it was a chapter about how God loves marriage and uses it as a symbol of His love for the Church. But b/c of that fact, Satan of course wants to destroy it. Kinda like my book looked...Ripped to sheds but still readable. Hmm...so true. He only goes hard after things b/c he knows the threat that they can be to his kingdom. So why do we let him win? Why don't we fight harder?

I read a quote from Oswald Chambers yesterday that said, "God doesn't give us overcoming life-He gives us life as we overcome. If we will take the initiative to overcome, we will find that we have the inspiration of God, b/c He immediately gives us the power of life." Amen! I find that Christians either do nothing and wait for God to fight. Or they feel they have to do it themselves, help God out, and are fighting all alone. Both are wrong and I've tried both approaches. We need the balance that Oswald refers too...that the Bible speaks of. After reading that chapter, I felt inspired. Yet only minutes later I discovered that a loved one very dear to me had just been served divorce papers. Aahh...I hate the enemy! I pleaded with my loved one...."Fight, please, fight! God hates divorce! Don't give up! This is not the end! He can resurrect anything!" I really and sadly don't see either one of them fighting, so of course why victory. God, please help them, to the glory of Your Name! (Psalm 44:26.) Please pray for these loved ones of mine bloggy friends! Thank you!

This situation breaks my heart, but this is not a new story, folks. The Bible begins with a marriage and the serpent bent on destroying it. And it ends with a marriage and the same serpent. Yet, this time, at the end, we know Who wins! We have the victory in Jesus, friends! Don't put down your sword! Don't get weary! He is fighting for and with you! I am evidence of that in my own life! It's just like all my favorite, classic movies like: Braveheart, The Lord of the RIngs, the Rocky's attest too. Give God your heart. Against all odds, these people won! I am learning this too. As my man and I talk about marriage, (please pray for that!) we are preparing ourselves for all the battles that too come with it. We are truly a story of, "Against al odds," YET, in that, we see victory b/c we need Jesus and it's all to His Glory that we would work! Hence why I am reading the book, Love & War. It's like when you first become a Christian. I watch YL kids all the time want God, yet when the battle heats up, they bail b/c they thought life with Him would be a fairy tale. Well, life with God is actually a fairy tale...but do we forget that every fairy tale has a villian? Yes, there is happily ever after, but it's a battle. So it is with Christianity. So it is with marriage. When we say I do, we must be aware that we are signing up for war...but we have each other, the victory in Jesus and His love.

I don't pretend to know it all or to have it all together. I don't! In fact, just as John 15:5-8 attests too, I am nothing without Jesus! I NEED Him: in my life, in my struggles, in YL, in my relationships, with my boyfriend, in my future marriage, in EVERYTHING!!! I know that! And in HIm, I am victorious! And so are you! In this war, you may get bit, but you have Jesus and in Him, you have victory! The underdog, like in the movies, in the Bible, with my man and I, as my testimony attests too, ALWAYS comes out on top with Jesus! Don't give up!

If you read my blog often, you know how God loves me so tenderly, and all the time, through Psalm 23. Well, may the following song encourage you as it does me...

House of God Forever, by Jon Foreman

God is my Shepherd
I won't be wanting
I won't be wanting
He makes me rest
In fields of green
With quiet streams
Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of death and dying
I will not fear
'Cause You are with me
You are with me

Your Shepherd staff
Comforts me
You are my feast
In the presence of enemy
Surely goodness
Will follow me
Follow me
In the house of God, forever

God is my Shepherd
I won't be wanting
I won't be wanting
He makes me rest
In fields of green
Like quiet streams
Even while I'm walking
Through the valley
Of death and dying
I will not fear
'Cause You are with me
You're always with me

Your Shepherd staff
Comforts me
You are my feast
In the presence of enemy
Surely goodness
Will follow me
Follow me
In the house of God, forever
In the house of God, forever

Update via pictures

2010-02-10T17:13:00.013-06:00

Despite all the glorious teachings, I also have been "living life." :) Here are some long overdue updates via pictures...

First, I have been staying busy watching my nieces & nephew (and surrogate niece) play at basketball, ballet & such. And recently enjoyed a sweet time (for this season) of encouragement and prophecy from long time Godly, family friends...

Finally just a couple of pictures from Christmas and my big birthday...

Also, pictures from my sister's birthday/murder mystery dinner theatre (that I recently blogged about.) Please don't judge my hair..I had a moment of crisis and cut bangs...ha. They were a fun change but are not for me and growing out! :) And neither my horrible outfit...it was a show...in which I actually won best dressed...ha! And remember...I was the one murdered. I should have won best actress... :)

And lastly, introducing my new BF, Steven, and some new baby additions through a YL kid and friends...

March on, my soul; be strong!

2010-02-08T14:17:00.014-06:00

I have never found in an interest in America's super bowl phenomenon (although I am glad that the Saints won...I'm for underdogs!), so last night I had coffee with a couple of YL girls and then headed to church instead of partaking. It was like a ghost-town at church. :) But it felt nice. Due to a chain of circumstances (as previously briefly mentioned in my last blog), I've recently switched from my normal am church attendance to our pm church service. It's been a weird adjustment for me (as everything currently in my life is) and as most of my friends are in the morning service. However, last night felt nice. It was quiet, peaceful, intimate...just Jesus and I and a few other worshipers. We began with singing 2 classic hymns that I love and I feel very appropriate for me now: It is Well With My Soul & I Surrender All. I began thinking of about all the places that Jesus had taken me. I have come so far and He has carried me through it all and has been my constant! Oh praise His Name! It was affirmation that I too would make it through this un-comfortable journey that I find myself in. A road filled with un-certainty, newness, hard losses, tests, victories, temptations, etc. Then the message came and it too was so fitting for me. My church is still going through Genesis and last night my pastor spoke on Genesis 16, where Abram & Sarai make a poor choice regarding Hagar. Basic points that stuck out to me...

Abram was in process, not perfected (Amen!)...It's a problem when you "satisfy" your soul with something other than God. Wait for the real meal & stop filling up on "chips"...God's delay is not always His denial...A reckless heart leads to a reckless life...Plan B is an affair...our 1 sin affects many (ex. Ishmael)...Don't jump ahead of God and make a mess, rather wait and hope in Him and feast on the true delight of Him!

All in all, it was a good word for me. In this un-comfortable time, I must rest in God as my Comfort and not look back or step ahead without Him. Reeling from my epiphany during worship, the message last night, and a scary nightmare trying to pull me back into my Egypt, I awoke this morning wondering why it is so hard for me to "move forward?" I want to move forward, I am; However, it's so hard for me. Why God? Why do I resist? Do you struggle with that? With that question in mind, I brought it to Jesus. And here is what I discovered...

God brought me to Isaiah 43:1-4 & 18 & 19. Beside it I had written 5/2009...which means that God gave me that exact word at the beginning of when this whole process of leaving my "Egpyt" started for me. God is so cool! Today I was given it again, almost as if He was saying....2/10-fulfilled! "Forget the former things, I am doing a new thing, Corrie! And although you have passed through hard times, I am with you, b/c You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you!" Wow! After that, I turned to my bible study where we were studying about Deborah from Judges 4. Then I read these words, "I might face risk, sacrifice & pain, but I must not give up, rather hope in Him, march on in faith & persevere." Hello! Again, God is so cool!

You see, as I walk this new road, I find that, as 1 Corinthians 6:12 sates, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial." Only God knows what is beneficial for me. I may not know where His road leads, but if I surrender to Him everyday, He will move my pillar of cloud and it will benefit me to follow. I must march on. I will be a slave to something. Be it in Egypt, my grumblings in the desert, Or God. But only His Mastery brings liberty! I choose to be mastered by Him alone! What about you?

"Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land..." Psalm 37:34. He is our Promised Land!

In closing, here is a recent pic of my family, minus Woodtsock. :) And of some flowers God gave me as a promise (Ok, I bought them for myself, but it counts!) He sees me as a daisy in the desert! :) And you too! "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come; the cooing of does is heard in our land. The fig tree forms it's early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." Song of Songs 2:11-13.

Hope

2010-02-05T13:44:00.019-06:00

A long one but I hope you read and it's an encouraging word for you, as it was me...

The past few days have been rough for me. As God has parted my red sea and carried me through, Satan is wanting me to grumble in the desert so as to detain me from my promised land. Just as he does to all of us. And further more, being a leader in ministry, I wrestle (in the spiritual realm) for lost high school kids daily. Satan already has them down (for the most part), but if he can get me down (the one fighting for them on their behalf), then what better way to keep them down. You know? Let's just say, I feel blows from all sides and these past few days I have felt weary and lost the will to fight...therefore, I have given into some grumbling in the desert-thus leaving me feeling hopeless and causing me to make impulsive, horrible, decisions-out of hopelessness. I know some of you feel me. Last night I was weary and I couldn't sleep. Thoughts raced through my head and I decided at 3 something in the morning that I would fast today. I felt pulls back to my egypt and I did not want to go back! But I knew this battle was way beyond me. So this morning I headed into my QT, determined and ready for " 'this' to only come out by prayer and fasting." And just as our sweet Savior would have it, He stepped in, interceded, and fought for me. Oh praise His Name!

I read through a Psalm a day and the first word I received from God was from Psalm 35:1-3 & 27. "God delights in the well-being (wholeness, security, safety, comfort, peace, completeness & satisfaction) of me"...as my Hebrew/Greek Key Word Study Bible defined! :) But that may not come in ways we expect...as follows reads.

After the above word, I then turned to my Worship the King devotional, where God re-affirmed me that it truly is ALL ABOUT HIM AND NOT ABOUT ME! He has been hammering that truth into me so much lately! And with that comes much humility!!! Oh boy! But that's a good thing, right? Humility places us in a dependent position upon our Savior...as a child. And we must humbly and simply seek His Glory in EVERYTHING, as Chris Tiegreen's devotional stated. Our worship, ministry, prayer, victory, etc. need to be a God-centerd outlook! Just as Paul lived and stated in Philippians 1:20&21. The quote at the end of one of Chris' recent devo's said this, "Provided that God be glorified, we must not care by whom." - Francis De Sales. Boy have I ever been learning that truth and gaining that perspective lately! For lack of time and personal reasons, I will spare you the details. But in short...I wanted my life to be one way with one man and put my security in that. We dated for a long time and I thought that's how it was gonna and should be. Yet, through a chain of crazy circumstances, God planned another route for He and I. At first neither of us could understand it. We wanted us to work. Why all this craziness? Neither one of us was obviously perfect but it truly was neither of our faults. In our eyes, we made sense. And we could have tried, through Christ in us, to make it work. But we weren't God's plan for us. He had another plan. For the longest time I couldn't see that...neither could he. But now, as the relationship has ended/been severed by God, time has passed, and we have both moved on, I can see from God's perspective. You see, he and I are both Godly people who God used in each other's lives for a season. And we wanted it to work, but it wasn't God's plan for us. We didn't bring out the best in each other. (I for one was in deed a mess.) We wanted what we thought was best for us. But God knew what was best for us and it wasn't each other. You see, we do so much for our own glory...it's all about us. But in reality...we are here for God's glory...it's all about Him! He alone knows what we need and what is best for us! That doesn't make other people or circumstances bad. Young Life is for me, but other ministries are just as good. Get what I'm saying? Losing my ex has been hard, due to the circumstances. I made him my security when only God should be, for one. And I know that now. And he is a great guy and we shared a lot...that's why the mourning is there. But with God's perspective though, I see the beauty in it...His Glory...and Glory hurts! But we are here for Him, not us...that is truly how I want to live my life! And now, only through God, can I say that I want someone better suited for him and it looks as though he may have found her already. (I'm praying for yall if you are reading.) :) And in turn, God has picked someone better suited for me. Not better, just better suited. I would never have picked this person (no offense if you are reading!) :) I mean, he is a wonderful man, but, it wasn't my plan, it was God's. Get it? God knew what would bring Him Glory on the WHOLE! Against all odds, maybe me and my new man (one of the risks God recently asked me to take) exist together soley to be a light to each other's families. I don't know? I don't even know where this new relationship will go. All I know, is that God took me away from one, leaned me into Him, and then brought me into another solely for HIS GLORY! And due to that, this new relationship works. Isn't that funny? We look to God for His Glory and things actually work...Ha. Ok, that was more of an explanation than I planned on giving, but trust me...I left out alot! :) Just pray for this please. Moving on....

After that huge tidbit of perspective, I felt freer, more healed. Praise God! Then God, through my Me, Myself & Lies Bible Study, took me to HOPE...the point of this blog. I learned (in God's perfect timing) that although I may be tired (hello...beginning of this blog), I must not let my emotions win and therefore give into feelings of hoplessness, through mis-placed hope. Rather, I must recognize, refuse & re-label lies and repeat! And most importantly, I must HOPE IN JESUS, His Word, & His un-failing Love...for He alone is IT!

I will end there. I can't believe that I disclosed as much as I did. But please know that I am not afraid to be real if my fallings and lessons can help you! And I know that enough time has gone by now that it's OK to be, with no hurt feelings. Plus, you don't know it all, and for good reason...it's none of your business. :) Bottom line folks, we are here for one purpose...God! Ask in every situation, what will bring You glory? For that is what works and what we really need and want guys. And glory hurts so some things may be hard. We may lose some security. But God is our hope! He alone is our only security! And in turning into Him, we will shine Him brighter to others (the whole reason why we are here!)

** "I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait (hopeful expectation rooted in God) for him.'" - Lamentations 3:24! **

Just when you need it...

2010-02-04T11:47:00.012-06:00

Reeling from my last post, I headed out last night to teach campaigners (bible study for my YL High School friends.) We are going through James and I was on James chapter 4. I really focused on submission and what exactly that looks like. I shared some of my own stories as well...having a lot to do with my posts lately. I feel I am not a gifted teacher and plead with God to use me for these kids sakes each time. I left last night hoping that He had...hoping that they had learned something through my own lessons and scripture. Well, I awoke this morning and before my feet even hit the floor (my dogs didn't wake me up this morning, as they usually do, so I had a late start), I thought, "Oh no, it's gonna be 'one of those days.' I am already off to a late start and I can just feel it. I don't have the strength to fight, Jesus. Give me some strength. It's about to be an intense QT...I can tell. God, help me!" So optimistic, right? Ha! At least I asked God for help! :) Then, right after, my friend Hanna called and I felt I should answer (I don't like to present myself to anyone until I am Jesus filled...for their own sakes!) :) It was a good thing that I answered b/c she was in need of some encouragement. While encouraging her through scripture, God encouraged me. He answered. But I still thought, "Look how her day is so far...I guess thats what I have to look forward to as well." Again, so optimistic...ha. But in my defense, :) God has perfectly and graciously had me and Hanna walk through this same road together. Anyways, while I was talking to her my phone kept dinging (alerting me that I was getting an un-godly amount of texts) and I thought, "Dang, I'm never gonna make it to Jesus. YL work has already taken over." I carried on the conversation with Hanna, prayed for her and then hung up. Afterwards I proceeded to check my phone, only to be pleasantly surprised. 1st message...from one of my older, volunteer YL leaders, Plunkett. You have to know Plunkett...he is so faithful with YL and Jesus, but also a devout calvinist who cringes every time he has to sit under my "schizophrenic," un-scholastic teaching. :) However, this morning he sent me an encouraging message that said he was thinking about my talk last night and wanted to say he loved me and encourage me with 2 songs, Steve Camp, "Living Dangerously in the Hands of God," and Keith Green, "When I hear the Praises Start." They are definitely old school, as he said, but the words are so powerful. They fit so well with where I am at now and couple well with the song, "Walk on Water," by Britt Nicole (more updated) that God gave to me last night. You should check them out! Anyways, after my message from Plunkett, I had another message from another one of my volunteer YL leaders, Caroline. She said that her (and 2 other YL guy leaders of mine-Warren and Thomas) were sitting around after campaigners last night and talking about what a gifted and awesome teacher I am and how she knows that I'd deny it but she just wanted me to know that. After that message was one from a friend asking me if she could share my blog with others b/c it's encouraged her so much and she knows that they need some encouragement. "What?...My blog?", I thought. Then the rest of the messages were from kids saying how they needed to hear what I had to say last night, etc. And to top it off, one of my kids brought her 7 month old baby and his daddy last night and it's so encouraging to see them try and do "this thing right" now. Wow! Oh thank You, Jesus! "Why am I telling you all this," you may be wandering? Simply to assure you that you will have "one of those days," you will long for your egypt, you will get weary of the battle, you will blow it. BUT...just when you need it...God will come in and fight for you with the encouragement that you need. He is so good like that! You need not do anything! You just must be ready to receive. You may be pessimistic, but are you ready? Humble yourself under His Mighty hand and He WILL lift you up in due time! That is a command with a promise! Just as James states. Be ready to receive through faith, humility...submission. You are not alone! He is fighting for you, alongside you, with you! He is your Shepherd who knows what you want and will give you everything that you need! I'll close with the Britt Nicole song...

Walk on the Water

You look around
It's staring back at you
Another wave of doubt
Will it pull you under
You wonder

What if I'm overtaken
What if I never make it
What if no one's there?
Will you hear my prayer?

When you take that first step
Into the unknown
You know that he won't let you go

Chorus:

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water too

Verse 2:
So get out
And let
Your fear fall to the ground
No time to waste
Don't wait
Don't you turn around and miss out
On everything you were made for
I know you're not sure
So you play it safe
Try to run away

If you take that first step
Into the unknown
He won't let you go

(chorus)

Bridge:
(step out)
Even when a storm hits
(step out)
Even when you're broken
(step out)
Even when your heart is telling you telling you to give up
(step out)
When your hope is stolen
(step out)
You can't see where you're going
You don't have to be afraid

So what are you waiting,
What are you waiting for?

So what are you waiting for?
What do you have to lose?
Your insecurities try to alter you

You know you're made for more
So don't be afraid to move
Your faith is all
It takes and you can
Walk on the water...
Walk on the water too

Amen!

The Israelites

2010-02-03T13:44:00.007-06:00

As I journey onwards in freedom, I am realizing that Satan is still wanting to destroy me and, as previously blogged, I must stay attached, through trust, to our/my Saving God! However, yesterday I journeyed close back to Egypt. Like the Israelites, I am wondering through the desert, with my Promised land in sight. I am happy to be freed, to have seen my enemies wash away in the parting of my own Red Sea. However, yesterday I started to grumble. Unbeknowest to me (as to what exactly was going on in my heart), I began, like the Israelites, to grumble in the desert. I longed for what I had while in slavery in Egypt and I caved in to it. Why do we do that? That is the question that I asked myself this morning in my QT. And the answer that I found...because it is comfortable, secure. Yuck! What a false security though...what a bondage! I don't want to go back to my Egypt! I no longer want to be enslaved! I yearn for my Promised Land! I have no clue where God is taking me right now. As I journey by faith He is causing this un-risk taker to make many risks, blindly. I already took one. And this morning I feel Him calling me to take another. There is no security in them. Perhaps that is why I am yearning for Egypt again...b/c it is "secure," comfortable. But that's the thing...I know that it wasn't secure. Only Christ is! I must see things through His perspective now as I walk this road of faith alone. For again, IT'S NOT ABOUT ME...IT'S ALL ABOUT HIM!!! He has a right to rule and His rule is right! As my Tiegreen devotional said this morning, God, "may we/I undergo a radical change of perspective so that we may become a true worshiper of You! Awaken us to delight in Your praise!" I hated what I had in Egypt, as comfortable as it was. And God in His grace and mercy and love freed me! Praise His Name! Yet now, as I walk through the desert blindly, I must not forget all His benefits! I must not grumble. For He will lift this pillar of cloud and tell me where and when to move in His time. Just as He did the Israelites. I just simply must trust and obey. As Psalm 34 states, "no-one will be condemned who takes refuge in you!" I seek refuge, security in You alone, Lord! It may not be comfortable, but there is freedom and purpose! I am ready, Lord, send me....

Trust

2010-02-01T15:44:00.008-06:00

I had a pretty busy, yet fun weekend. It was my oldest sister's birthday so we hosted a murder mystery dinner at my parents house for her. My family loves these! I ended up being the one who got killed...by my own sister! Pictures to be posted later. :) I was busy cooking for that and then for a friend of mine who just had a baby. I love to cook and I love babies so it was a good kind of busy! I think it would be so fun to have my own restaraunt! Let me rephrase...I don't want all the fuss of one, just the fun of decorating it, making the menu and cooking some...ha. Anyways, as my freedom embarks and the tests lessen, I am learning how to fly. Something that God is teaching me currently is that I won't fly perfectly, and that is OK. But how can I walk victoriously daily, and not just on the mountain? I so want to do that! Trust and obedience. I looked up that word TRUST in my Hebrew/Greek key word study bible and it means: "to attach oneself to, to be confident and secure in, a confident expectation in, to not be in folly and rely on any other security, to feel safe in." HELLO! It's all about...Where is your security? Only God is secure! In Christ the solid Rock we must stand, all other ground is sinking sand! You see, as one of my devotionals recently stated, "God is concerned with one thing, what this piece of clay will look like in the end!" He knows the greater perspective. Will we look at things through His eyes and trust Him? Will we attach ourselves to Him? It's not about us! There is a bigger picture! And it's not about what we can do! I thought that for forever! I yearned to be holy, which isn't bad, but in my strive for it, I lost sight of God and was constantly frustrated b/c only he can make me holy. I am not perfect. How foolish! As one of my other devotionals stated, "We learn to be victorious by surrendering our lives to God, not by gritting our teeth and trying harder." GOD ALONE does it all...IT'S NOT ABOUT US! That's what makes the cross so fabulous! That's what I had been missing. I was a Martha when all I wanted to be was a Mary. Mary's are only Mary's by "getting" God's grace. Man, I have been so prideful and therefore lived in defeat for so long! You see, we can swing both ways. Some people get God's grace and don't try, but therefore abuse it and don't walk obedient. Others, like me, think they have something to do with whatever. Ha...No! God does the work for us, but then we must do our part. How? By trust and obedience! It's been so cool lately...as I am learning these lessons, God is confirming them every where I turn. For example, last night at church it was as if my pastor knew what I was walking through. He spoke basically on how our lives are run by FAITH ALONE! And even all my devotionals lately have been the same story. For example, in My Utmost for His Highest, Chambers recently wrote, "Our calling is not primarily to be holy men and women, but to be proclaimers of the gospel of God. As long as our eyes are focused on our own personal holiness, we will never even get close to the full reality of redemption. Christian workers fail b/c they place their desire for their own holiness above their desire for God. Paul (Romans 1:1) was not conscious of himself. He was recklessly abandoned, totally surrendered, and separated by God for one purpose-to proclaim the gospel of God...Get into the habit of saying, 'Speak, Lord,' and life will become a romance (I Samuel 3:9.) Every time circumstances press in on you, say, 'Speak, Lord,' and make time to listen. As we listen, our ears become more sensitive, and like Jesus, we will hear God all the time."

So how do I fly now? First and foremost, I stay connected to God alone through trust! He alone knows the bigger picture, what everyone needs, not just me. He alone holds unfailing love! As Beth Moore stated (in another one of my devotionals-ha)..."To live victorious every day of my life, I must learn to pour out my heart to God, confess sin daily, acknowledge every hollow place, and invite Him into me fully, so that nothing will hinder Him! Ephesians 3:19 and John 17:24. God loves us so! And secondly (for me personally), I must risk. I took my first risk a couple of days ago. It is not time for me to disclose yet just what that was, but all in due time. We shall see. Victory is a reality, guys. Whom the SON sets free is free indeed! Stay connected DAILY through trust and you will walk victoriously daily! Amen and Hallelujah! :)

Revelations, Transformation and a New Song!!!

2010-01-28T09:51:00.011-06:00

Woo-hoo...Jesus is so cool!!! :) I awoke this morning, after my post last night, and opened my first devo (I read several!) :) It was Beth Moore's, Breaking Free Day by Day, and it said...

"There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear." I John 4:18.

"Have you ever feared that someone would cease loving you? Not only have I feared it. I've experienced it! God has carefully and graciously allowed some of my fears to come true so I would discover that I would not disintegrate. God TAUGHT me to survive on HIS UNFAILING LOVE. It wasn't fun, but it was TRANSFORMING!

The one thing neither you nor I could survive is the loss of God's love, and that is a loss we will never have to try. His love endures forever. That's what is meant when the Scripture says that 'perfect love drives out fear.'" AMEN!!!

Hello! Oh my...that just sums up me and the NEW place that I am in right now! I can see the top of the mountain. And when the valleys of the shadow of death come, I need fear no evil now b/c now I don't just know, I KNOW that HE is with me! My perfect love! Hallelujah! And to sum it up best...

Shane & Shane's, Everything is Different:

"Who am I to know Your Glory?
Who am I to recognize Your voice, calling out?
How could I be in Your story?
The God who was, and is, and is to come
Who has won!

I was dead in my sin, You came in

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout,
That Jesus has been sent
and everything is different

Oh yes it is

You turned ashes into beauty
You are forming not against me now
You found me somehow
You turned mourning into dancing
You turned weeping into a joyful noise
Oh Rejoice!

I was dead in my sin, You came in

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout,
That Jesus has been sent
and everything is different

What matter of love,
That You would call us, sons and daughters
We cry, 'Abba, Father!'

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

I will never be the same!

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout,
That Jesus has been sent

And everything is different"

Check out their new CD, Everything is Different. Amazing! Here I am...ready to embrace my NEW chapter with You, God! We shall see..... :) This butterfly is off....

Perspective

2010-01-27T22:39:00.004-06:00

So I took my YL kids tonight to see that movie that I blogged about the other day (To Save a Life.) A lot of kids showed up and it was amazing! They loved it and were touched, as I was again...praise the Lord! While watching it I couldn't help but smile at some parts...the parts that everyone else would tear up at. The first time that I saw it, I teared up too. But this time I knew the ending so I wasn't sad. And it got me thinking...isn't that just like God with us? He knows the big picture. When our tears fall, I know that He cries with us (ex. Lazarus); However, He knows the ending so perhaps He even smiles sometimes too when He holds us. That gave me perspective. The other day I was talking to my bestie, Hanna on the phone and she was sharing a story with me about her youngest son, Luke. She said, "Corinna, I was bathing Luke last night and while the water was running he would scoop it up in this cup and pour it on his head. He was so content and kept doing it. But our old farmhouse has poor plumbing so when I realized that the water instantly turned to scolding for a bit, I grabbed the cup from him. He of course threw a fit so I thought that I'd let him pour it on himself once so he'd learn and stop crying. I did, he cried, and so I took the cup from him again. Again, Luke cried for the cup. So one more time I let him have it, only to have him pour hot water on himself again and have him end up crying. Finally I took the cup away for good so he would not burn himself to death and he cried the rest of the bath. At that moment I thought, 'how often do we beg God for things that He knows aren't good for us, and He lets us have them, we get hurt, but we still want them. Then eventually he rips them away for our own good?'" Wow! Such a teachable moment from my friend. Isn't that so true? It's like my precious namesake, Corrie Ten Boom, once said..."Our life is like a cross stitch pattern. We only see the back and all the threads going every which way, with no rhyme or reason. But God see the front and knows what the glorious pattern will turn out to be!" (paraphrase.) Today, after I blogged about strength and transformation, my good friend Tucker text me and said, "Corrie, I just read your blog. Looks like you are already on top of the mountain." To which I replied, "I wish." And then, through a chain of events, it hit me...I felt FREE! Could this be real?!?! God is so good at working things out! I'm sure I will be immediately tested tomorrow. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I want these truth and revelations to be made REAL in me...and that's how He is doing it! But for now...for now I feel FREE...FINALLY!!! Oh praise the Name of Jesus! He knows what I need and really want! And now that I am not just thinking about myself, I see the bigger picture. He is working all for the good! "The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything that I need. I shall not be in want!" Psalm 23:1. Now that's some perspective folks! :)

Strength & Transformation

2010-01-27T13:07:00.008-06:00

Recently a former loved one in my life said that I was so weak, and not strong. The words stung as I am currently learning to walk in what Christ defines me as, and no longer allowing man's words to define me. Normally I would crater under harsh words like that. I would let them define me. But not this time. I didn't even give them a second to penetrate b/c I knew that they were far from the truth. No, I am not strong, but in Him, I am STRONG! And I am in Him! Psalm 73:26 states, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Amen!!!! You see, God may not be performing a miracle in my circumstances right now. BUT...He IS performing a miracle in my heart and mind! Hallelujah! As Habakkuk 3:17-19 states, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I WILL rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The SOVEREIGN LORD IS MY STRENGTH; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Yes! I am being transformed, as 2 Corinthians 3:17&18 states. I looked up that word, "transformed," in my Hebrew/Greek Bible and it stated: As Romans 12:2 states, transform means to metamorphis, to form something. To "concentrate on letting your character undergo a metamorphis by the renewing of your mind; in order that you might be able to evaluate and ascertain what the will of God is-that which is good, well-pleasing, and ideal." AMEN & Amen!!! His word is love and active! You see, I have always thought I am worthless until fully healed, until I fully arrive. Not true! We are constantly being transformed. Just like the butterflies that I so dearly love. Like clay in the hand of the Potter. I am regaining pliability, as my devotional talked on today from Jeremiah 18:8! And His blessing comes to those who bend; the little lambs whose legs are broken! God has done His part in me and will continue. I just need to do my part-to work out His salvation with fear and trembling, by walking in love and obedience. I John 4:10! This butterfly is learning how to fly! May you too. In Him, you are strong and free my friends! Fly and declare the beauty of the Lord!

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11.

The waiting room

2010-01-26T15:47:00.001-06:00

Shane and Shane Lyrics from Shanebweb

waiting room

by shane barnard

i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

return to Shane B Web Main
return to Shane and Shane Lyrics

all lyrics by shane and shane are © by shane and shane.
(if a song is not shane barnard, it is copyright by that person)

*Every word of this song describes my journey now! Psalm 131:2! May these minister to you as well! Be still & submit to His Sovereignty! It's all about Him!

He makes me lie down in green pastures

2010-01-25T23:06:00.003-06:00

As previously posted, today was a hard day. Unexpected news came my way, my biggest fears rang true (amongst other things), and I was down. This teaching phase is tough. But I had to prepare a lesson for my YL kids tonight so I couldn't hide away. And that was God's plan. We are not here for us! :) It was 2 hours before YL and I had no talk planned nor was I ready to be "on" for them. I pleaded with God, "I have nothing to say. I am in pain. I have nothing to offer them. What do I do? Give me a lesson now!" To which I felt Him gently reply, "Speak from your pain, my child." "What do I say, God?" I asked. "What did I say to you the other night?" He answered (but in a question of course b/c we know that Jesus likes to do that.) :) I muttered, "Psalm 23. But they won't understand that. I can't even think clearly to speak." "Try Me," He said. So I jotted a few notes down and headed out with no make-up on, swollen eyes, and a red nose. I said a prayer and Jesus calmed me with an amazing sunset (pic below) and some kind words. 8pm came, hundreds of kids flooded in, the action began and I was off and running. Then came the end for my talk. I got up there and told them that I was not gonna pretend to be another Christian leader in their life who seemed to have it all together. I shared with them my story from the other night (previous post) and how even though I am 30, freshly broken up, and alone, I have Jesus who sweetly pursues me. Then I read them Psalm 23. I broke it down...really focusing on how He "makes us lie down in green pastures." When I read that part before I used to envision a little lamb laying in the sun on a green meadow...like in beautiful Colorado. However, I recently found that not to be the complete case. The Shepherd would break a back hind leg of a wondering lamb and carry it on his shoulders, bring it back to the fold, and there it had to stay until it's leg healed and it would no longer wander away. (Thanks Tuck!) My point, we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God may break our legs, but we need not fear b/c He is our Shepherd, He is with us, and therefore we have everything that we could ever need or want. He only wants to protect us and give us life. He knows better than we what we need, rather than want. It was not a usual YL talk, but I felt it was needed. I needed it. Why wouldn't they? We all suffer. I assured them that although divorces will occur, Haiti disasters, broken legs before the last big game, break ups, being single at 30 and in pain, etc., He is with us. He came to seek and to save the lost, not the righteous. After it was over I was flooded with kids waiting to talk to me. That is not typical. They usually can't wait for the talk to end, the music to start, and the games of basketball or dancing to begin. But tonight...tonight kids were sharing their pains and telling me how much that they needed to hear what God had to say to them through me. Even one of my new, young, married leaders came up afterward and hugged me and said, "Thank you for your talk tonight. I am married and needed to hear that. Only God is enough for me! You inspire me so much!" Wow...that meant a lot. The youth pastor (of the church of where we hold YL at) was there too and he too said that he loves hearing me talk and my talk inspired him and so many kids. There were a lot of new kids there texting me afterwards and saying how much that they love YL. I usually beat myself up after a talk. But not tonight. And I'm not tooting my own horn either. This one was not me. I had nothing to offer and Jesus came to comfort me so with the comfort I had received, I could comfort others. How beautiful is our Gospel! Just as the pictures below describe...in your greatest pain, put your head on His shoulder. The kids had just been crying before I held them. And Sally is in heat so miserable...ha. Anyways, trust our Good Shepherd, friends. You may not have what you want, but He knows what you need. And in the end, you will want that too. He may make you lie down in green pastures, but it's only to protect you from impending harm, to restore your soul. For He wants to give you life! John 10:10! So while having to lay in green pastures, take advantage to lay your head on the Beloved, just as John did, hear His heartbeat as your own, and come to know and love Him more than anything in this life! There is an incredible road ahead of us all! Goodnight!

Letting go & Looking Up to Receive your Inheritance

2010-01-25T12:40:00.008-06:00

My internet has been down for awhile and still is but I had to sneak away somewhere to write. This past Saturday night I headed to the movies to do some research for Young Life. There is a new movie playing called, To Save A Life, and is a Christian film about teen's struggles. It is very good and one that I will take some of my High School friends to see. Anyways, when I left the theatre Satan randomly decided to attack me. Thoughts/lies flew in my head that I would never find a man who would love me right and I started entertaining them. I got in my car and sat there a moment under the dark, night sky, yet bright parking lot lights. When all of a sudden the brightest, largest & longest shooting star/meteor slowly shot across the sky! It took my breath away! I had 105.7 Christian radio on in the back ground and at the same time some man on there started reading Psalm 23-first in english, then followed in Hebrew. My life verse from Jesus! Right then and there I felt the Lord whisper to me, "My sweet child, only I will love you with a perfect love. Only I can pursue you perfectly and go to all stops to show you my love. Only I know exactly what you need and want. Only I." He had loved me so sweetly and knew me. I breathed a sigh of relief and just thanked Him over and over! I was at peace. He had overturned the lie with His truth for me and showered me with the only love that I need. The next day (yesterday) I headed to church to learn more about Genesis (what we are studying.) My pastor was talking about Abram and how he had to seperate from Lot, his secuirty, and look up to God in order to finally receive his inheritance from God (Genesis 12-14.) I felt God speaking to my heart to let go of my security, my "Lot," that I have been holding onto in this tough time, in order to receive my inheritance. I felt empowered. Then this morning (in my QT) God confirmed that it was time for me to move on. It felt painful but I knew that I needed to and said I was ready. That's when the final "nail in the coffin" came. I was confronted by my Lot and told that it was done with me. Pain shot through, but then I was instantly reminded of what God has been assuring me of over and over in this time. One, that as my life verse (Psalm 23) states, He is in fact my Shepherd and in Him I have everything I need. And two, just as He tested Simon in Luke 22:31&32, so I too am being tested. Will I really follow Him to death? Do I really love Him? Then He will allow Satan to attack/sift me in this time, but HE is praying for me, that my faith may not fail, and WHEN I turn back, I MUST strengthen my brothers. Yes! My faith will not fail! This season is HARD! It is hard to let go and move on. But I know that Jesus is holding my hand as we walk into this NEW chapter together. As my friend reminded me, I am standing in a more secure place right this moment than ever before! Thank you, Kristen! Friends, may we consider everything as rubbish that we may gain Christ and be found in Him! He is the Potter who knows what exactly will make this piece of clay look radiant!

P.S. I have a new addition to my Peanuts gallery now. Introducing Sally, my new cat! :) As previously blogged, I rescued a bunch of stray kittens from my garage this summer (at the very beginning of this hard season that I am now walking through.) Several died, a few were adopted, a few more escaped and I kept one...Sally. I am highly allergic to cats and was beginning to be bogged down from this season so I didn't even attempt to keep her. I nursed her to health and wanted to keep her close so gave her to my brother in law. He has had her for about 8 months now and recently called and said that he could no longer keep her. Without hesitation, I said that I would take her, but didn't know what I would do with her. I am animal obsessed! :) Anyways, I prayed that I would be able to keep her...that: I would miraculously have no allergies; she wouldn't try to eat my bird, Woodstock; she would settle down (after not much attention was shown her before so she was a bit wild); and that my dogs, Linus & Lucy, wouldn't try to eat her. :) Well, it has been 2 weeks now and all is well...praise the Lord! It truly is a miracle and I love this little girl! It's just like God, as Psalm 23 states, to restore our souls. To restore means: to recover, take you back to the place of captivity and give you a do-over. I rescued Sally at the beginning of this hard season and now I am getting her back, miraculously, as it is finally and slowly coming to an end-and God is wrapping a finishing bow on it! Thank you, God! Attached is also a water color painting of Linus & Lucy, that my dear friend, Aimee gave me for my birthday! :) I'm off now...Yl is back in full swing starting this week! God, help me through this new season please...and put a NEW song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to my God, that many will see and fear and put their trust in You-Psalm 40:3!!!

So long 20's...

2010-01-17T11:12:00.007-06:00

Well, it's official...I turned 30 today! Yikes! :( I awoke this morning to that reality and my first devotional was about how Satan wants to steal our dreams...our dreams as women of: bearing fruit and children, of having a spouse and family, etc. I had to laugh! So far that loser has succeeded. Poop! HOWEVER, as the devo later stated, the enemy may have been standing on my God-given ground these past few years-daring me to possess it. And I may have been cowering to him. BUT I know that I will possess it this year!!! I will...I just know it! I may be in another decade and satan may still be taunting me, BUT...I WILL get my God-given ground this year...I just know it! Let it be so, Father! I can't control that I am getting older. Just like I can't control the season that I find myself in now, the losses I'm encountering, the lies I'm battling, the strongholds I'm getting freed from, etc. I was reminded of that by someone close to me this morning. :( However, YOU, God, are my Rock! This year...

My soul will find rest in You alone-Psalm 62:1&2! And you will make me like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God, trusting in Your unfailing love forever-Psalm 52:8! You will be my shield, my glory, and the lifter of my head-Psalm 3:3! You will be pleased to present me this year-Galatians 1:15&16! I will be fruitful this year, to Your delight! My Psalm 17 cry will be answered! Just as you stood firm in Whose You were in Luke 20, so I will...even when mocked! This year I will fear You alone-Psalm 86:11! I request wisdom, I will revere You, and I will receive Godly counsel so that I will have wisdom and walk in truth, no longer lies, insecurities & feelings! It has already been accomplished on the cross! Amen!

I was pretty bummed this morning so I asked God for a special touch of His love. I had finished my QT and saw this little "coffee table" book sitting there. It's called, His Princess Bride, with a little word for each day. I picked it up and whispered a little prayer that God would speak to me through it. I just opened to a random page and the starting line was from my life verse-Psalm 23. It was Psalm 23:4 and this is what followed:

"My Princess, I will never leave you. I know you live in a world where many relationships come to a bitter end, My love. But I am not a man; I am your Lord and your Prince. I will never leave you or forsake you, my beloved Bride. As long as you walk with Me, you will never walk alone. I am with you wherever you are, and I will never abandon you. If you ever doubt I am here, just ask Me and I will reveal Myself to you in a very special way. I will do whatever it takes to prove My faithfulness to you. You can trust your heart in my care. I will not let you down as long as you look up.
Love,
Your Prince who will always be yours."

Wow! Did He ever answer! Praise You, Lord! I may be older, I may be in un-controllable circumstances, I may feel all alone, BUT...I have the God who loves me more than anyone in my life...and His love alone is good, un-failing, un-conditional, forever. Thank you, God! I have the greatest gift of all! This will be a good year!

P.S. Zooey Deschanel, (Jovie, from one of my favorite movies, Elf), also turned 30 today too!!!! :)

Besides just pain, lessons & discipline...

2010-01-16T14:06:00.023-06:00

Here are a few other (mostly more up-lifting) things going on in my life right now...

Warning...the pics and words are somehow all a jumbled mess but I'm not computer savvy and tired of trying to fix them so deal somehow. :)

* Some of my old YL kid's family was just visited by Extreme Makeover Home Edition last week and I got the distinct priveledge of getting the first tour of their new house a coupe of nights ago!!! It is so amazing!!! I praise Jesus for them! This is a Godly family of four biological children and 9 adopted children (most of which have severe disabilities.) This family was hit hard by Ike 2 years ago and 15 of them have been living in a trailor since. I can't wait for you guys to see it when it airs on TV. Not sure when it will yet. Wasn't aloud to post the finished product pics! :)

* I have been taking care of my sick gpa. Please pray for him. :(

* I finally bought a cute, little couch for my little pool house (much needed) and my dogs think it's theirs!

* Due to my alone season, my nieces & nephew have become some of my new bf's! :) Grace's hair is a fun, new piece of entertainment! Ha :)

* Back to the grind of work and ministry in YL...but I love it! Recently I had the priveledge of watching 2 of my High schools wrestle against each other. I have never watched this sport before and yall...it is most interesting...ha.

* I have obtained a cat! All my life I have been allergic to cats and their personalities freak me out anyways. However, I am an animal lover of all kinds and this summer, as previously blogged, I rescued several stray kittens from my garage. Several died, a couple were adopted, and the rest escaped back into the wild...but one...Sally. I named her Sally to fit in with the rest of my Peanuts gallery over here. I loved Sally and had calmed this little stray but knew I was allergic so I asked my brother in law to take care of her for me. I haven't seen her since and have missed her. He has had her for the past 7 months but just a few days ago he surprisingly informed me that he could no longer have her. So w/o thinking, I went to get her. I rushed her to the vet and we had a time with her. She has gotten a bit wild yet received a fairly clean bill of health. So I took her home on friday and set her up in my bathroom (until she can get used to her new surroundings and I can see if she is a fit for us.) It started out a bit challenging but is a lot better now. So far...no allergies for me (praise God!), she hasn't attacked my bird, Woodstock, but eyes him, there is a little bad blood between her & Linus (not surprsing) but not too bad, and she is slowly taming. We shall see what happens. I pray we all gel well together soon! She at least has been purring now when I touch her! :) And the wierd thing is...I got her when all the drama began un-folding in my life this summer. I had no clue what my poor choices would bring and soon gave her away. Now I have gotten her back, after the issues have ended yet the lessons are being learned. Is she a "do-over" for me? It's wierdly symbolic. I hope so! May it be a blessing...beauty from ashes! But it is in fact a zoo in my little home! :)

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* My parakeet, Woodstock, is a surprising talking machine...against all odds. I got him last February and he already says the following (clearly) and I'm not lying..."Hey Woodstock-Good Morning Woodstock-You're such a pretty bird-I love you-Praise Jesus-Hi Corrie-Jesus loves me-Come here-Hey baby..." and various whistles. Sometimes he even intermingles the words, like, "Praise Corrie," to which I quickly correct him. It's hillarious! :) He taunts Sally too which is even funnier. I love that smart little guy!

* I'm having to throw a lot of old clothes away. I still can wear clothes from 7th grade...ha. They are back in style now due to my old age! :) These socks were new just 8 months ago though! I got them for my Colorado summer backpacking trips. Yet I sat too close to the fire this summer on Wilderness and got burned. It is time to release them. A lesson...don't sit too close to the fire or you will get burned blog friends! :)

* As my previous post stated, I have a new hair cut and I am 30 now!!! Aahh...! Here are a few pics from my birthday. It blew! But I had a great QT with Jesus and coffee in my new cup, a yummy cake, a pretty sunset, and some pretty flowers!

* And lastly, always something I am learning. :) Today I was reminded of the woman in MArk 5:24-34. Really study that story. Her faith healed her! That is where I am at today! I'm learning to trust God's great plans for me, even in the pain. He is molding me to want what He wants! Amen! And this will be my year for Psalm 18 to ring true!!! Throw what you want at me, enemy, I am growing in Jesus! Ok, I can always write more, but this is really too long. :)

May you not be bored to death now! :)

On the eve of 30!

2010-01-16T12:32:00.009-06:00

Well bloggy friends, I officially turn 30 tomorrow and I am dreading it! :( I was in such a different place last year and I couldn't imagine being where I find myself today! However, I am equally ready to move forward! No more being stuck in the past as I have lived my whole life! As my new haircut states, out with the old and in with the new! So long 20's...it's my last day in them! :( This year I pray...

"Not only that I get hotter...ha. Really, that God will raise the dead things to life and make the impossible things possible in me, as that is His specialty. Yet I pray that I exercise great faith (as I am learning) so that I am finally capable of long term obedience (of which I desperately want), and of which I am capable of through faith in Christ! Also, that I will remember that the only priority that drives the Master Gardener of this vineyard of mine is to bring me to fruitfulness and that He will do whatever it takes to make that happen b/c He is even more committed to my abundance than I am! So please make it happen, Lord! For as Psalm 16 and Proverbs 16 say...Lord, You have a plan for me that is good. You are out for Your glory and my good. You have a right to rule and Your rule is right! We will obey some Master yet You are the better option! Be my Master! And may I stop reacting on feelings, like Esau, David & Sarah did and therefore a whirlwind of consequences followed. God, forgive me and have mercy please! Rather, may I focus and act on Your truth and wisdom, instead of my feelings! Renew my mind! Perfect that which concerns me! And may I know and love your more than anything in my life this decade and beyond! In Jesus' Name-Amen!"

"The Lord works out everything for His own ends-" Proverbs 16:4.

And to end, a song from one of my very favorite artists, Shane & Shane: Mercy Reigns, by Shane Barnard

"she hides her face, it seems too good
for Your embrace to find her
and say, "my dove, your voice is sweet
show me your form... your form is lovely"

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

its new every morning
its new every morning
its good enough for me

no ear has heard a melody
as sweet as yours for her
it seems too good, so undeserved
my heart faints now, for we are her

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

i will abide in Your love, Your love"

(song of solomon 2:14, lamentations 3:22-23

His eye is on the Sparrow...

2010-01-14T10:27:00.007-06:00

...And I know he watches me!

I keep receiving mean comments. It can be a bit dis-heartening. But God is equipping me. I learned in my Bible Study this morning that, like a tree (in which God compares us to a lot), our feelings and thoughts are fruits. Our assumptions are the roots. We must trace the root of a bitter fruit and cut off that faulty root with the sword of the Spirit! Your weapon is God's truth alone! No more failing prey to un-belief by acting upon lies! For example, the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1:26-32. And 2 Corinthians 10:4&5 & Ephesians 6:10-18! The people who are hurting me should not have the power to destroy or define me. Nor should I get bitter and prideful. For we are all fallen creatures. But our God...He alone is perfect, He is good, His love is un-failing, He is the only one who can meet our expectations and never tires of our needs...and never let us down! His eye is on the sparrow...therefore I know that He watches me! I was reminded of this truth yesterday when I saw him on my porch. :)

"Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.

I am in His hands! And so are the people of Haiti! Have you heard? Please pray for them. It grieves me. If you would like to help but don't know what to do, I learned from Beth Moore's ministries (Living Proof) that you can Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts. It will be charged on your cell phone bill.

Lies vs. Truth

2010-01-13T11:31:00.005-06:00

I awoke this morning with my phone and computer off and ready to have some time with Jesus. It was a sweet, revealing time. I was filled with encouraging, healing TRUTH! Praise Jesus! Once my QT ended I was ready to share some of my thoughts on here. I proceeded to turn on my computer and go to my blog. I then saw 2 comments that needed to be moderated. One, from my good friend Tucker. A verse of truth! Another from a coward who wished to remain anonymous...a lie straight from the pit of hell! Of course I chose not to publish it. Lies do not deserve to be published. At first he/she decided to quote me from one of my last posts and this anonymous person's comment read as the following, "'I feel un-worthy, un-loveable, rejected, easily replaced, messed up, abandoned & ugly.' Ummmmmmm...you should after all the shit you pulled!" Wow! A week ago I would have let this comment define me, bring me down, destroy me. But not anymore! God is truth and when He speaks He speaks words of truth, affirmation, healing, encouragement. These words were not such! These words were straight from the pit of hell and from a cowards mouth! So if the person who wrote that is reading this, I want to say this to you...I am not bitter. I choose to forgive you. And you did not get me down. In fact, I feel very sorry for you. For you, my friend, must be lost. God will deal with you. I need not avenge myself. For I am His child and He hates to see one of His own wounded. May you get that yourself someday. I pray for you. Your lie did not penetrate through my truth from my God. Yes, I am a sinner, BUT I am saved by grace and that in fact is who I am!

Well, that first paragraph truly does sum up my life lately in this season. Satan is trying so very hard to destroy me. He is pulling out all the stops, not letting up and the battle has gotten very heated and hard for me daily! And yes, God is allowing it. Just as He did with Peter and Job. But I know that just as He did with Peter and Job, I will come through this victorious! For Satan is only after me b/c I am a threat to his kingdom. "But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill." Psalm 3:3&4. God is calling me to walk this journey alone with Him now, to discern truth from lies, to live on truth and not lies. He has pulled all my securities away and is testing me by allowing the enemy to through all his lies at me. Will I believe and put my identity in them (like I have always) or in God's truth. God alone is my security and who defines me! My journey is hard but I am not alone. God is for me! And I am growing. You see, God, my King, is pursuing me-Psalm 23:6. And He pursues with unfailing love. I am being captured finally by His love and His truth! As I learned in my bible study this morning...My presumptions (and others about me) are not worthy of becoming the foundation of my thought closet. That is pride and leads to horrible actions. Like Rachel in Genesis 30:1. Only God's view of me is worthy of becoming the foundation of my thought closet! I will no longer be dis-obedient by un-belief. I choose to believe God! For He is my Shepherd and always has His glory and my good in mind!

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever." Psalm 52:8.

Lamentations 3:19-33.

Winter Training & Discipline

2010-01-12T16:43:00.006-06:00

I finally just got home from YL Winter Training in Georgia! Here are a few pics (in regards to my snow/Prince of Peace blog a few days ago.) It was beautiful! I also enclosed a few bored pics taken while in class. As you can see, my good friend, Bronson is asleep on my chair...ha. Being home is refreshing but also brings me back to reality. It's hard. I don't want to face it. In fact, I went for a walk a minute ago to clear my head. Plus, I haven't exercised in weeks and that is not like me. I almost had a heart attack this morning while pulling my suitcase up 2 flights of stairs! I have been sitting all week and I had to move but knew I couldn't go too far due to lack of exercise. Anyways, on my walk I was listening to music on my iphone when my best friend, Hanna called. She, and a few others have been helping me through my hard time lately and I was sharing with her how I couldn't take many more tests from God. "He won't seem to let up and it's so painful," I told Hanna. "Enough already," I keep crying out, but to no avail. Just when I see a ray of hope, something else hits me. "I don't understand why God hates me so much," I said to Hanna. To which she replied, "Oh no, Corrina, (that's what she calls me...she's mexican) :) the Lord disciplines those whom he loves and chastises those He sees as His children." Wow! She was right on. A truth I well know but had forgotten at this time. Here I am feeling picked on, when all the while God is picking me out! Amazing...yet painful! He is TRANSFORMING me for a greater purpose. I just can't see the greater purpose yet so while in the transformation process it hurts. It's kinda like my arrival to the Atlanta airport today.

We awoke at 4:30, after little to no sleep, got on a greyhound bus for a long trek to the airport and when we arrived to the airport I was told my bag was too heavy. I'm sure it had a lot to do with the 6 large books that they assigned us while there! Anyways, I quickly took thing after thing out until the size was right and my hands were full. Only to find out you now have to pay $20 to check a bag with Continental...ridiculous. Anyhow, I preceeded to the security gate which is never fun anyways. Once there I received the dreaded news that no one likes to hear, “Bag check.” I looked to see if the gentleman in front of me had received his bags. He indeed had. It was me. I was flagged for a small wooden sign that was too long to fit in my suitcase. It was a gift for a friend and something that I had carried on recently before. The “checker” told her "assistant" to take it to their supervisor. To which the assistant responded, “This? Why?” “Because she could use that to wack someone in the head with it," replied the checker. “Are you serious,” I thought. Not even a minute later the assistant came back to me and asked me to step over to see his supervisor with him (all the while refusing to give me back my wooden sign.) His supervisor proceeded to tell me that I could not bring that on the plane and it was too late to check it so I had to mail it. “Why,” I asked. “Because you could use this as a weapon and hit someone with it.” At this point I was irritated. I had been up all night and already traveling via bus since 5am. Therefore I responded, “Sir, I could use my laptop here for much greater damage if I really wanted to hit someone.” “I realize that, mam, but it doesn’t look dangerous. You’re going to have to mail it back home. The post office is down aways,” he replied. With a highly aggravated laugh I asked where and he showed me (more like escorted me) the way. It was a nice little hike. When I arrived at the airport post office I shared with them my dilemma and that I had nothing to wrap this in. “Go next door to the next place of business and get some bubble wrap and then come back to me.” I was on my way, even more irritated. I arrived at the next place of business only to discover that they were in fact out of bubble wrap. At this point I was ready to just throw the sign at someone and hurt them for real and just leave the gift behind and head to my gate. I didn’t. I begged this guy to help me out somehow. He felt sorry for me so he wrapped it in a bunch of cellophane for no charge. From there I headed back to the post office in which I was told this wrap job probably wouldn’t keep. At this point I didn’t care. I said a little prayer that it would and then I proceeded to pay the enormously large fee. It was now out of my hands. I headed back to security, only to have to go through the charades all over again.

I was about to make it through when I heard, “Bag check,” again. Are you kidding me? This time it wasn’t mine. I then got all my stuff only to have another assistant ask me how I was doing today. I didn’t feel like responding with the usual, “Good,” so I instead responded with the truth, “Been better.” To which he replied, “I’m sorry to hear that. We unfortunately all have those days. What you have to do is take care of you. You hear me. Take care of you. Are you sad to leave here?” “Not at all,” I replied, “I’m ready to get home.” “What are you going to do when you get home,” he asked. “Un-pack, shower, play with my dogs and sleep,” I answered. “Well, I hope that your day gets better young lady. Choose to make it better,” he said. I was done gathering all my belongings (and re-dressing) at that point and after that statement I thanked him and walked away with a smile finally on my face.

Irritations, disciplines, hurts, etc. will come our way but may you come across some friendly "airport assistants," truth, and friends like my friends, along your way that assure you it’s going to be Ok and encourage you to choose joy. I haven't arrived home to joy. In fact, some situations have already occured and the knife digs even deeper into my chest. However, I rest in the fact of what my friend, Hanna, reminded me of..."THE LORD DISCIPLINES THOSE HE LOVES AND CHASTISES THOSE WHO ARE HIS CHILDREN!" I AM NOT PICKED ON, BUT RATHER PICKED OUT! Now I just have to be obedient in faith. That's the hard part next to the pain. But my God is for me...and FOR YOU!!! This is long, sorry. :)

Fact vs. Faith

2010-01-11T11:41:00.005-06:00

Fact: I have been rejected, replaced and withheld love by many dear people in my life...Those who I trusted.

Therefore, I feel un-worthy, un-loveable, rejected, easily replaced, messed up, abandoned & ugly.

Faith: I am accepted, adored and loved by God's UNFAILING LOVE!

Therefore I have hope!

Just like Naomi in Ruth 1:20 & 21 & 4:14-22. Her fact...she was a widow. Her label/lie she wore b/c...bitterness. Then she embraced faith and wore the label of...favored by God. Something I am learning in my new Bible Study, Me, Myself & Lies.

Hebrews 11:1 - "Now FAITH is being SURE of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN of WHAT WE DO NOT SEE."

2 Corinthians 4:18 - "So we FIX our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is TEMPORARY, but what is unseen is ETERNAL."

We must elevate FAITH over fact & fate. Our faith is the only label we must wear!

Bloggers, yesterday has been the hardest day yet. I am in need of a heart healing, renewed mind, and to be shielded from the enemy NOW! PLEASE interceded in prayer for me! I can't believe I am being so vulnerable. That is so un-like me. But I am desperate and know that only He can save me now! Thank you for bearing with me! May my lessons in this difficult season encourage you now too I hope. I have something to offer and am worth it...I have to keep reminding myself of that. You do too. Just like the countless other children of God in deplorable circumstances. I will not give up! I am strong in Christ and this is only making me stronger!!!!

Prince of Peace

2010-01-07T12:13:00.004-06:00

I'm in the mountains of Georgia right now for YL training. Days are long here as we sit in class A LOT. However, we were afforded a small break after lunch today (Ok, so really we're supposed to be in another meeting but I chose to skip) :) and as I sit here, sipping coffee, I am watching it snow. It is so peaceful. It falls so softly, quietly, pure and fresh. It is a call to "Be still and know that He is God. And then He will be exalted above the nations." Psalm 46:10. Peace. Ah, what a weighty word that is. It is something that I haven't felt in a few weeks. As previously posted, my life has been recently turned upside down. Last night I found myself alone on our cabin floor, crying out to God for some peace. I don't even have enough strength to lift my own head and yesterday was a rough day. I miss laughing. BUT TODAY. My circumstance haven't changed. But today, I awoke and decided to choose joy. It is a choice at times and is biblical. So I did just that. I laughed for the first time. And then I got to our theology class and we started it out by watching some of the most depressing movie clips that I have ever seen. Then we sang the old hymn, Man of Sorrows. It was a somber feel. After that our professors stood up to announce that we would in fact be talking about the theology of suffering and the cross today. I laughed. On the day that I chose joy of all things...ha! But so like God, it was beautifully ordained and I felt His peace. Peace. There are so many different meanings to that word. Most of the time we think, as I do, of freshly fallen snow, a river, etc. But it holds so much more meaning than that. As one of my beloved bible study teachers, Beth Moore, taught, Christ's peace rules...it comes with a sword a lot of the times! Yes, that is indeed so true. In this season of my life His peace has truly hit me with a sword...and it has been quite painful. I have yet to be able to see the "forrest through the trees." But today. Today I awoke with a sense of His peace in my heart. As I follow my Savior's journey to the cross, I am reminded that if we truly want to live as His disciples, as salt and light, for the purpose in which He sent us, the resurrected life, then we have to literally die to ourselves-and die daily. It is a cost that most are not willing to pay. Yet I have cried out to want to follow my Savior anywhere, as Peter did. And just as Peter was tested, so God is testing me. That was the question He posed to me this morning in my devotions. "Corrie, will you really take up your cross daily, as you said, and follow me? That is why you are where you are now." And with much fear I responded, "Yes." I used to condemn myself for fear. It isn't of God, I know. His perfect love casts it out. But that's my problem now. I have yet to fully be satisfied in His love for me. I know it, but I don't "KNOW" it yet. I long to know and love Him more than anything else in my life! It's a prayer I know that He will answer. I just pray soon. In the meantime, God assured me today that He does not hold my fear against me. Instead, He reminded me that He is in fact my Emmanuel-God with me. And He is in fact walking this journey with me and loving me just as I am. Many people have promised to love me and never leave, yet they have left and left abruptly. But only God's love is unfailing. Well, after that revelation, I opened the scriptures to the book of Luke, where I have been studying lately. Today I was in chapter 11. Verse 46 stuck out to me, as I am learning how to walk away from the generational sins. As I was praying that I would not be like a pharisee (something that I have been addressing in the book that I am writing), I received a text from one of my sisters. She randomly wanted to apologize for shunning me and withholding love from me when I do things that she doesn't necessarily agree with. She begged me to forgive her b/c apparently she is experiencing the same thing right now from others and knows how horrible it feels. She then committed to just loving me unconditionally. Wow! That meant so much to me! That is another thing that I have been fighting against for awhile now. God is good. He lifts up our head in just the right time. After that I turned to my new Bible study-in which I was learning the importance of meditation. We meditate on so many words that we let define us. That is why it is so important to CONSTANTLY meditate on the truth of scripture. In my bible study it was brought to my attention that we will meditate on lies (for the most part) if not truth. That is what I have done. B/c love has been presented to me so conditionally, I feel very un-loved a lot of the times. Therefore, the words that I subconsciously meditate upon in my head are things like, "no-one loves you, Corrie," "you are un-worthy," etc. But today. Today I was reminded on what I need to meditate upon. So truth is becoming even more so of my serum and healing balm. I finally feel encouraged today. I feel His peace. My circumstances haven't changed and I may still be scared but I know He is near and His "snow" is falling afresh on me right now in so many ways! :) Please keep praying for me blog community. May the Prince of Peace rule in your hearts and minds!
P.S. Sorry if this is jumbled. I am short on time and internet connection and surrounded by way too many distractions. I'm off now to play in the freezing snow a bit before my next meeting. Peace out! :)

Security Blankets & Burnt Offerings

2010-01-01T15:03:00.006-06:00

Happy 2010 New Year!!!

I don't know about you but I sure am in need of a fresh start! As my last post previously mentioned, I am in a healing process. Jesus has revealed to me many "security blankets" that I have held onto in my life (for a long time now) and is in the process of ripping them all out! It is quite painful. I guess they have been there since I was a little girl. I was the "Linus" of the family. I carried my blanket around loud and proud. It was my security blanket, my constant, my comfort, my companion in the midst of much chaos. I held onto it way too long and wore that thing to shreds. And I guess you could say that the process stuck with me. Like all of us with issues, my wounds of rejection, judgement, withheld love, being ignored, & replacement run deep. And un-beknowest to me, the effects of them have carried through in my life, in my relationships and in almost every avenue-thus drawing me to grab onto false securities. They come in all different shapes and sizes for me too. However, through my growing in Christ I have realized that they they were there but was un-aware of the full hold they had on me. I know Jesus and thought that I was holding onto Him tighter and was OK. I was wrong. A couple of nights ago I held my own "altar of incense" of burt offerings to Jesus. In layman's terms...I burned all that I could of my security blankets. In that ceremony laid a mix of emotions. And then yesterday, at the end of a year, I realized that it was time for me to let go of these things and move on. I hate moving on. It was something I was forced to do way too much when I was little. So I grabbed onto things that I thought would last. All the while I forgot that they were but hay and rubble to be burned up when the winds blew. Only the/my Rock lasts. So yesterday I decided to partake in one more burnt offering-only one that would leave a mark of rememberance. :) I got a tattoo! I have been wanting this tattoo for some time now but never had the design right or felt the right timing. But after much researching I realized yesterday was my day and I did it! YHWH'S with a shepherd's staff attached now mark my right arm and I love it! (Please don't give me your Biblical opinions on tattoos. I have researched it enough and felt free to do it so just worry about the plank in your own eye.) :) Anyways, it means that I am "the Lord's." I got it out of Isaiah. And the Shepherd's staff is symbolic b/c God has seemed to make the 23 Psalm my life verse in SO MANY WAYS. It will constantly remind me just Whose I am-Who defines me-Who is my Rock, my Shepherd, my Hiding Place, my Security, my I AM! Amen! I love it! :) One of my good friend's, Aimee, went with me and was chatting with me as I was getting it (so as to distract from the pain) and she had a great point. I was telling her how this past decade had been so hard. I have felt stuck in pain and un-able to move forward for a decade! I was ready for a new year and a new decade and how appropriate b/c it was 2010 (10!) That's when she pointed out, "God is all about numbers, Corrie. They are symbolic and important to Him." Yes, indeed they are! I forget what the number 10 "represents." If any one on here remembers, please do so enlighten me. Like i know the #7 signifies completion. Anyways, it's 2010, a new year, a new decade. And I pray that this decade is one of mere worship to my King-as my new devotional is themed upon! I am in need of newness. I am in need of letting go of some things and moving on. I don't know what God has in store for me or what "gifts," not "blankets" that He will bring my way. All I know is that I need to just hold on tight to Him alone! And now the tattoo artist knows that of me as well-ha. May it have been a witness! His word does not return void! :) Anyways, my theme verse now: Philippians 3:7-14! And I was also reminded yesterday that In the Beginning, in Genesis 1, when God created the world-He created it out of nothing. It was dark, devoid of life, chaotic and empty. He can do the same for my life! He is our resurrection! Here are some photos of my new tattoo. And also my New Years prayer for us all that I stole from my Proverbs 31 e-devotional. I will now fight the good fight, keep the faith, stand back up, dust off my knees, choose to praise Him, focus on Him and letting Him change ME, and see what He has in store. In God I trust...

A New Year's Prayer for You
1 Jan 2010
Wendy Blight

"All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Me." Matthew 28:18 (NIV)

New Year's Resolutions.

What comes to mind when you hear these three words?

Everywhere you turn the media bombards us with the latest and greatest New Year's Resolution ideas. Diet. Lose Weight. Exercise. Change your look. Change your life. A new year, a new you! Sounds great, doesn't it?

For many years, I made New Year's Resolutions, but I could never keep them. Oh, I succeeded for a few months, but then it was over. I felt worse about myself than I did before the year began because I had failed. So a few years ago, I quit making New Year's Resolutions. Instead, I wrote a prayer. Throughout the year, I watched in amazement as God worked in my life and in t he lives of others through my simple prayer.

Today, I would like to pray for you. As you read this prayer, I invite you to use it as a model for writing out your own New Year's prayer.

Father in heaven, thank You that You are All Authority in heaven and on earth. Thank You that You led each woman here today. You know her every need, her deepest desires, and her hurting places. Lord, as she seeks to know You more, would You open the eyes of her heart to see the wonderful things in Your law?

Father, we confess that so often we live lives that do not honor You. Our actions and our Words seem so far from You. But, we do want to live lives that please You, so we ask today for You to soften our hearts to receive what Your sweet Spirit has to speak to us. Give us a hunger and a thirst for Your Word. As You reveal it to us, help us through the power of Your Holy Spirit to listen and obey. You tell us Your Word is living and active, like a double-edged sword. Father, we invite You to use it now to penetrate the deepest recesses in our hearts.

Give us hearts that desire You and Your Truth above all else. Your Word tells us that if we lack Wisdom, we need only ask and You will give it liberally. So we ask today for a fresh filling of Your Wisdom. Give us the strength to walk in Your Truth, no matter the cost. Guard our hearts and keep our eyes fixed on You. Grow in us the fruit of Your Spirit…those things that will make us more like You. As we study Your Word, fill us and saturate us with more of You!!

Today, Father, we surrender our past and look to the future, thanking You that we are a new creation. No matter what we have done before today, we have Hope in You to take all things and use them for Your good and the good of Your Kingdom. Thank You that You are Faithful. Thank You that we can make our plans but You will direct our steps. We trust in You to do a mighty work in us through us this year and ca rry it on to completion until the day we step into eternity with You.

Lord, we love You. Make our lives a living testimony of Your Love. We ask this in
the powerful and mighty name of Your Son, Jesus Christ our Lord who will do immeasurably more than we could ever ask or imagine. AMEN.

Related Resources:
Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God's Story by Wendy Blight

The one-year Chronological Bible (NLT)

Visit Wendy's blog-Living Truth to find s teps to help you personalize your prayers

God answers prayers! Read Desperate Prayers, Divine Answers for more encouragement

Application Steps:
Personalize this prayer for you and your own life.

As you do, ask the Lord if there is an area of your life in which you consistently struggle.

If the Lord made you aware of a struggle, surrender that area today. Boldly ask God to speak Truth into this area, no matter the cost. Ask Him to teach you His way, give you a mind to understand, and a heart to obey. Hold fast to what you hear so that your walk in that area will be established and ordered according to His will, not your own.

Reflections:
Read Proverbs 4:20-27, then meditate and reflect on its meaning i n relation to what you have learned through this devotion.

Power Verses:
Hebrews 4:12 "For the Word of God is living and active, sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." (NIV)

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone and the new has come!" (NIV)

© 2009 by Wendy Blight. All rights reserved.

Labels

2009-12-30T17:44:00.003-06:00

Have you ever noticed just how enticed we are by labels? If you buy the can or box that says fat free or sugar free, then surely it's guilt-free, right? Or the toothpaste that ensures extra whitening will just in fact make your pearly whites even that more white. Labels draw us in and then we tend to define ourselves by them. I am reminded of the Seinfeld episode where they were eating fat free yogurt and felt so good about themselves, only to later discover that they were packing on the pounds from it. It's a funny one. But that is so us. What people say about us, what we think about ourselves, what lies the enemy throws at us, this we believe to be our reality...and then then scenario poorly plays itself out. We begin "packing on the pounds." What we thought securely defined us ends up being ripped out from underneath us and leaving us worse off than we were before. Or someone may carelessly say, "You kinda have flabby arms," and we are left only to find ourselves now in a full blown eating disorder b/c we must in fact be fat. In this current season that I find myself in I am realizing just how much I have allowed people and lies to define me. It is exhausting. It leaves you with no security when in fact, Jesus is. Just today, when I had some pretty harsh words thrown my way straight from the enemy (you know the kind that confirm all the lies you already think about yourself), I lost it. I thought, surely this must be true...this is who I am. I have cried so hard in the past 3 days that I have given myself a dang sinus infection. And talked about being kicked while I'm already down. The tears began to flow. And then a call came in. I was in a poor state, at a birthday party, and so didn't want to answer but thought that I should. I am glad that I did b/c it was truth that I needed to hear at the moment and I found some hope. Thank you, Tucker! :) As I hung up the phone I found the strength I needed to remind myself that all of us humans are messed up and therefore no-one can define anyone. Then I quickly was reminded just in fact Who I am in Christ. That's what defines us friends! We were bought at a price and His blood defines me. Through it, I/we are: Redeemed, Loved, Sanctified, made whole, made new, cherished, the apple of His eye, pure, etc., etc. Declare those truths and rest in them when the lies tend to be overwhelming! And don't sin through un-belief. With all that said, I'm off now to enjoy my last quiet moments of Christmas. All my family is gone (which is rare.) They are still out at my niece's 5th birthday party (of which I slipped out a bit early b/c as you an tell, I was in no party mood.) Currently I am here sipping some hot tea alone, by the fire, with the Christmas tree lights on, a puppy asleep on my lap, and some peace and quiet with my Savior. Happy New Year bloggy friends! May it be better for us all! I'm in need of a better decade! :) And wear your label as His Redeemed, heiress, child proud! And as another friend reminded me this week, "What if Christ had not come?" Yes, this world is hard...but what if the bible ended in Malachi? Jesus is our hope!!!!

After Christmas blues...

2009-12-29T13:05:00.003-06:00

Forewarning: This is gonna be a kinda depressing blog, sorry.

I hate the day after Christmas every year! KSBJ and 99.1 turn back into normal music, department stores no longer play Christ-filled music thru the Christmas carols (un-beknowest to them), decorations begin to come down, holiday cheer disappears, and the excitement wears off. I hate December 26th! And this year was no different. My usual after Christmas sadness snuck in and then a shocking, unusual, tidal wave of depression blew in. A certain scenario played out and I was left feeling REJECTED...once again. Rejected is a familiar term that I have grown all to accustomed with. And when that feeling comes over me, so does self-pity, un-worthiness, me feeling un-loveable, etc. Satan has a field day! I have learned how to walk victorious over the enemy through Jesus. I have grown a lot. But to be honest, I am weary now and tired of growing. Do you ever feel that way? You get tired of the fight? Tired of Satan coming after the same achilles heel over and over again? I do. That's where I am now. I wonder why did Jesus leave us with all this pain and suffering and under the prince of this dark world? Yes, I know the truth of scripture and I believe. He is in fact Sovereign and has a good plan! He came at Christmas and gave us Him so December 26th is just the beginning. And I know that the victory has been won through Jesus on the cross! But I'm tired now and sad. It won't last long. Healing will come yet again. But in the meantime, the pain is very deep and very real. I feel alone and I long to just leave this world and be with Jesus. No, I'm not suicidal. And I'm not that selfish. I know we are here to be salt and light to a dark and hurting world. I'm not the only one with problems. But I don't feel like a light right now. I'm done venting now. Please pray for me bloggy friends. I am sad. And to end on a cheerier note, here is a devotional that I read this morning. Just what I needed. May it encourage you as it did me. He is near to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. May I feel you now, Jesus!

Arise from the Wreckage
29 Dec 2009
Micca Monda Campbell-Proverbs 31

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose" Romans 8:28 (KJV)

Recently I had an ah-ha moment as I was reading Acts 9. At first, the familiar story seemed dull. You know how it is when you've read or heard the same story over and over. Then a new revelation merged from the content. In my minds-eye I began to see the word "rejection," although it was not in written form. Perhaps I saw what I was feeling that day—rejected.

I was at the part of the story where Saul, a murderer, had just been transformed into Paul, a disciple of Christ. Even though Paul was a changed person, many rejected him because of his past reputation as a murderer. This was only the beginning of Paul's trouble. Throughout his ministry, Paul not only experienced rejection, but great suffering and harassment too. For a changed man, his adversity seemed unfair.

Paul was devoted to serving Christ. He sacrificed his education, his life, and remained single so he could better serve the Lord. And yet, he was shipwrecked on several occasions, falsely accused, and thrown into prison more than once. Doesn't that seem odd for a man called of God? Wouldn't God's favor protect him from such adversity?

I thought about an illness that lingered with me all summer. It was so severe I was all but bed-ridden for months, unable to do life and ministry. I began to feel rejected by God. It didn't make sense. I was serving God in more ways than I could count. Then, without warning, strong winds blew in. Clouds hung overhead and it began to storm. Before I knew it I was "shipwrecked." You've been there, too.

Some of us have been rejected by family, friends, and co-workers. Others have been falsely accused. Some are imprisoned by finances, or blown around by the consequences of someone else's sin. It seems so unfair. You've tried to live right. You walk in obedience the best you can. You take God at His Word and trust in His promises. Shouldn't faith like this call for smooth sailing, instead of stormy, shipwrecking seas?

Isaiah reminds us that God's ways are not our ways. His thoughts and plans are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8; paraphrased). It's tough to figure God out when He doesn't play by our rules or have the same agenda we have. We forget that God sees a much bigger picture.

If we follow Paul's journey, we find God working through the rejection, the trials, the prison time, and the shipwrecks. God used these hardships to position Paul. Not for fame, but to increase the Kingdom of God. Paul witnessed to the Pharisees through his rejection and imprisonment. People saw God's power at work when Paul survived the st orms, when the snake bite didn't kill him, and when the jail shook, opening the doors and loosing chains. The Lord used these difficulties so others would witness His power and believe.

Paul allowed God to use him as a vessel. He didn't sit on the sidelines, full of self-pity and doubt. Instead, as Acts 16:22-31 tells us, after being stripped, beaten, severely flogged, thrown in the inner cell of a prison and his feet in stocks, Paul prayed and sang hymns to God. Others around him were listening. The power of God came in such a way, that the prison guard begged Paul to tell him, "What must I do to be saved?" He replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus" (NIV).

God doesn't waste our pain, our rejection or our "shipwrecks." He uses them to bring about His plan—to position us so that others can see His transforming power at work in our lives and believe in the living God.

If that's true, and it is, then our challenge is to rise from the wreckage, like Paul, so tha t our lives will give testimony that draws others to the Master. Today I will no longer sit on the sidelines of life full of self-pity. I choose to rise, pray and praise, so that God can position me to shine for His glory, and so that others will believe.

Dear Lord, forgive me for wallowing in self-pity and rejection. I trust that You see the bigger picture. I believe there is a purpose for my pain. Strengthen me to rise from my ashes so that others will see You are my help and my salvation. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Application Steps:
God has called us to live by faith, not by sight. Even though we don't always understand our difficulties, they don't have to overwhelm us. Choosing to trust God helps restore a sense of hope and stability to our lives, and also allows us to rise from our ashes.

Reflections:
What will you choose to do today: will you wallow in self-pity or rise and praise the Lord?

Power Verses:
Nahum 1:7, "The Lord is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." (KJV)

Psalm 121:1-2, "I will lift up my eyes to the hills—From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth." (NKJV)

And, don't laugh at me, but a song from the Jonas Brothers that my nieces and nephew gave me to encourage me:

A Little Bit Longer (You Don't Even Know) lyrics

Got the news today.
Doctor said i had to stay
A little bit longer and i'll be fine
When i thought it'd all be done
When I thought it'd all been said
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
But you don't know what you got 'til it's gone
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low
And everytime you smile you laugh you glow
You don't even know, no, no.
You don't even know

All this time goes by
Still no reason why
A little bit longer and I'll be fine.
Waitin' on the cure
But none of them are sure
A little bit longer and I'll be fine
But you dont know what you got 'til it's gone
You dont know what its like to feel so low.
And everytime you smile you laugh you glow
You dont even know, no, no.
You dont even know, no, no.

And you don't know what you got 'til it's gone.
And you Don't know what it's like to feel so low, yeah!
And everytime you smile or laugh you glow,
You dont even know! yeah! oh!
You don't even no

So I'll wait 'til kingdom come.
All the highs and lows are gone.
A little bit longer and I'll be fine.
I'll be...fine

God, I hope so!

On this Christmas eve...

2009-12-24T21:12:00.003-06:00

I have been busy this Christmas season. Busy: taking care of my sick gpa, writing a book and "getting my plunder" :), and with my work in the ministry. However, this Christmas eve is a peaceful one. At my home tonight: there's awesome Christmas movies playing, the twinkle lights are all plugged in, my Christmas scents are sprayed and burning, my cooking & baking are done, the family has been visited, horrible eating has been had, Christmas PJ's (like from the Christmas story) :) are ready to be wore, my dogs are all tuckered out, and I am now awaiting church and Christmas morning tomorrow. But most importantly, I am reflecting on Galatians 4:4-7. There are such profound truths in that tiny chunk of scripture!...God's perfect timing; how God REDEEMED us (ransomed us) from the empty way of slavery life handed down to us by our forefathers-that we might receive the FULL rights of his children, and therefore we can cry out DADDY to GOD, and also be an HEIR!!!! WOW!!!! He was born to die for us! Oh thank you, Jesus that you care! Happy Birthday, Jesus! And Merry Christmas friends! :)

It's SNOWING in Texas again! :)

2009-12-04T13:55:00.008-06:00

As I was leaving my house last night I bent down to kiss my 4 year old niece (Abi) good-bye, when she proceeded to say, "CC, You know it's gonna snow tomorrow?" To which I said, "Yea, I hope so!" To which she replied, "No, it is. God told me so. He has told me everyday this week." I couldn't help but smile and then I prayed that He would let it snow for her....instead of thanking God that it will. What little faith we have! Jesus Himself declared that we must have faith like a child. I want that! It has indeed snowed today and it has been glorious! In fact, as I type now I am watching real snow fall out my window and it is so very peaceful and beautiful. When I woke up this morning I looked out my window and saw it falling. It was quiet, peaceful, majestic, beautiful and pure. And then I gazed up at my blinds and saw the paper snowflakes that I had made. We don't get much snow in texas so I had made some paper snowflakes for my window a few days ago. You know, imitating one of my favorite movies, Elf. :) I looked up at those, then looked out my window at the real thing. And then it hit me...how often do we make our own imitations of "snow" ("life") when God offers us the real thing. We just don't trust Him that His way is better. My pastor is teaching on Genesis currently and a few weeks ago, as he was preaching on the ark and Noah, he stated, "We need to stop climbing through windows when God shuts doors. And we need to walk through His open doors in faith." Boy do I ever "climb through windows" out of sheer fear. Last night I was talking to my best friend on the phone when she begin to confide in me about some problems in her marriage. Nothing earth shattering. She loves her husband but he just hasn't offered her much of life. You see, as John Eldredge puts it, men long for an adventure, a beauty to rescue, life. Where as we women long to be rescued. Nothing wrong with that truth. Problem is, unless men allow God to be there adventure and women allow Him to be our rescuer, we are in big trouble. My friend's husband is currently just focused on projects to be his adventure and you can understand the problems that therein now lie. We were created for eternal life, yet we aren't satisfied with the life giver. We don't seem to trust Him. We are too busy making fake paper snow flakes while the real stuff falls just outside our window. Why can't we be more like my niece? And then when it snows, go outside and just enjoy it? I don't have all the answers. But I was reminded today through my devotional over Psalm 31 and the snow, that He does and He has a plan. For now, until it's all figured out, I'm just going to enjoy the snow and you should too! I see 2 pair of love bird cardinals out my window doing just that thing. And I can hear my niece declaring out loud to her self, "Hellelujah, Jesus!" Amen! :) Happy snow day! :)
"But I trust in you, O Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in your hands; deliver me from my enemies and from those who pursue me. Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love." Psalm 31:14-16

Tuesdays...

2009-12-02T11:27:00.004-06:00

I hate Tuesdays! The enemy always attacks me on Tuesdays! My pastor recently said that Mondays are the days that pastors (that he) feels most attacked. Pastor's are, for the most part, in a "spiritual bubble" on Sundays....it is the "grande finale" to their preparation. But when Monday's come, they feel tired, weary, & attacked, so most take off. I too work in ministry and find that not only do I fight the spiritual fight everyday for myself, but I am fighting for a lot of people around me as well. And Monday's are my "grande finales" in my ministry. Therefore when Tuesdays come, and I'm not allowed to take off, I am tired, weary, attacked, and busy. I am aware of this now and know that there is victory in Jesus and how to be keen to the enemy's schemes. However, he has not ceased fighting even harder now. That brings me to today. Wednesday. As I was having my quiet time this morning I just began to sob. I was weary form the battle yesterday. Then I thought of Jeremiah 29:12, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you." At that moment I felt our sweet Jesus so very near. Listen, don't argue with me on what I am about to say. :) This doesn't happen often. And I know that He wasn't physically there in a tangible way. But I felt Him kneeling beside me with His hand on my back and I felt Him mourn with me. Yet I sensed that He was also smiling as he knew that His plan for me and those around me was good. It was freeing to release my concerns in such a way to God. And then I was led to I Samuel 12:21 & 23-24. Basically I felt God saying to me, "Keep battling in prayer, child, for that is where the victory is won. And in the meantime, don't look to any other Hiding Place other than me." One of my favorite people (Mary Ann Bridgwater) quoted R.A. Torrey in her devotional this morning, which said, "All that God is, and all that God has, is at the disposal of prayer. Prayer can do anything that God can do, and as God can do everything, prayer is omnipotent." Amen! So my word to you is, don't stop wrestling that thing out in regards to yourself and others in your very own Garden of Gethsemane. We may drop sweats of blood and many tears...but soon enough we will be at the side of the Father! In the meantime, hide yourself in Him alone b/c He is all that we need! We are in a battle, friends. Don't give up! He has given you everything that you need for life and Godliness and the victory has already been won...that's why the enemy is so relentless. Take up your sword and watch God fight alongside you! And remember, our struggle isn't against flesh and blood but against the evils in this world. Take heart...he has overcome the world! I love you! And if you think of it, please pray for me. People in ministry could surely use it. I know as I pray for many others myself. Thank you!
... me in Israel at the Garden of Gethsemane

Update on my life via pictures

2009-12-01T13:15:00.008-06:00

I changed my page for the Holidays-There's a new puppy at our house-I'm growing my nails out-I got my favorite new beanie at the Nutcracker Market-Great holiday pancakes at IHOP with a few YL friends-AND....IT'S BEGINNING TO LOOK A LOT LIKE CHRISTMAS at my house!!!! :)

Why I love YL

2009-11-06T16:51:00.006-06:00

There are so many reasons why I love my job in Young Life ministry! But for lack of time, I'm just going to explain what today looked like for me...and let the following pictures tell the story.
Today, I started the morning, as I do every morning, with the distinct priveledge of praying for the lives of kids at 2 5A high schools to be changed! Afterwards I attended a Pep Rally at one of the schools that I do YL at. Kids couldn't believe that I cared to come. There I met an orphan that had been so in the local area all of his life. Before the pep rally a mom had called me saying she didn't know what to do with her daughter who she found out was addicted to drugs and very sexually active and begged me to please help her. So after the pep rally I met with said girl and had a great talk with her over coffee. I introduced her to a devotional, journal and bible and see much hope. I have been walking through life with her for some time now. In just a few minutes I am meeting with a boy for ice cream (along with another guy leader of mine) to talk about his struggle with sex with his girlfriend and how he can be a man of God. He asked. After that I am attending a high school football game to encourage my kids that I care and to meet more hurting souls. I don't have time to include all the countless texts and phone calls that I have received today from hurting kids in need of hope. But may you get a glimpse of kids faces who...
have brain tumors, bring their babies to YL, invite me to sleep overs and earn my trust after living way different previous, hundreds of lost kids who come to YL for fun yet end up finding hope-Jesus-and someone who cares, kids who only had a have bday cakse made only by me-not by a caring parent, found Christ through YL and shared their story at our recent banquet, hiked over a 14,000ft mountain with me in Colorado this summer, found Jesus in Colorado this summer, see life can be fun w/o partying, still need Jesus but are hearing the story, and who know now that someone cares. This is just a small glimpse of why I love my job and pray for more support in it! :) And this is un-edited due to lack of time.... :)

It's back!!!!

2009-11-06T12:20:00.003-06:00

Yes, it's that time of year again...THE RED CHRISTMAS CUPS AT STARBUCKS ARE BACK!!!! Woo-hoo! :) What excitement rushed through me lastnight as I was made aware of this. I was holding interviews at Starbucks for new volunteer leaders for YL and the 1st to arrive was this sweet, innocent young man that had to witness me in child-like thrill and proceed to take pictures of me...ha. Lights are starting to go up as well...I love this time of year! :) Enjoy the Holidays friends! I will with Jesus and a good cup of coffee in a great looking cup! :)

Checkers

2009-11-04T17:21:00.005-06:00

As I was sitting at my hair dressers today (getting my head fried under the giant blow dryer that was drying my "glaze") I was bored so preceeded to play a game of checkers on my iphone. Normally the stupid computer beats me everytime. I rarely win. But not this time! I beat that machine in 60 seconds...woo-hoo! To which I pondered, "How? Was it just luck?" Nope. I had a different strategy this time! Normally I never jump the computer's checkers if I know that it can jump me right back. But today I didn't care. I had been at the salon for so long and I forgot reading material and I was bored. So I just kept jumping the computer's checkers knowing that it could very well jump my checker right back. But it worked. And it was after that discovery that I had an epiphany...I normally play checkers just like how I approach life. I am scared to get "jumped" so I make no move and therefore always lose. Yet today I RISKED and I lost a few checkers but I ultimately won, and still with a lot of checkers left on the board! We must risk sometimes with the Lord. It's scary but He takes care of us. Just TRUST. Currently I am in a season where a lot of wisdom is needed as I wait for God's direction. It's not time yet for me to risk but now I know when it is, wherever God leads, I will be OK. Thank you for lessons, Lord! And thank you for enabling me to forgive the checkers iphone game after a certain someone ruined it for me...ha. :) With that being said, here is a picture of my hair cut. My mom saw it and said, "Yuck. You look so old. I like it so much better longer. Why do you keep cutting it." Nice! :) Well, I like it...I like a change! I can't believe that I am doing it, but here's a compare and contrast...Ok, So I am going to grow it back out. :) I just pulled a Jennifer Aniston. Wish I looked like her too...ha. :) Ok, well I'm off now to teach campaigners to my YL folks. We are learning about holiness. God, may we live holy please! And gracious Shepherd, I ask you for wisdom please!