Lillie's 1st Halloween

I admit that I am not a huge fan of Halloween; However, I decided to allow Lillie to enjoy as much as it as a 7 month old baby possibly can. So we started out our Halloween by carving a pumpkin together as a family the night before. I of course toasted some yummy pumpkin seeds. Then yesterday, our Parks' friends came over to babysit and play with Lillie. After her nap we put her in her skeleton bones pj's (didn't really dress her up)and headed to my parents for a bit for their annual Halloween party. Her cousins looked cute and Lillie enjoyed most of her time there with her buddy, Papa. Then we quickly headed home to pass out candy to our heavily populated kid neighborhood. We had lots of visitors, got rid of all of our candy, and Lillie loved answering the door with her daddy. We even had great friends come over and hang out with us! It was a pretty good day! Happy Fall, Ya'll!! :)

But the greatest of these is love...

I was recently talking with someone about my desire to adopt. My heart has always ached for the underdog, the outcast, the lonely, the hurting, the oppressed, the one who acts out for obvious reasons. Perhaps that is why the Rocky series is one of my favorite movies of all times. I can watch them or The Lord of the Rings over and over and over. And perhaps that is also why my heart bleeds for Africa and all of the hurting orphans that I have once met there. I know that is why I also love YL. So many hurting kids searching for some answers...the Answer. I wasn't an orphan nor was I adopted. My biological family and my new little family of 3 loves me. However, for far too personal reasons to place publicly on a blog, deep down I can find myself feeling like a hurt little girl who was supposed to be loved but was rather passed around from one bad foster home to the next. But then I finally got placed in a good, adoptive home and they kept telling me that they loved me but I had heard that before...with no good actions to follow...only hurtful ones. Now I had to see it. So I sat back and watched to see if they really loved me and if I could trust them. I appeared strong but deep down I was weak. All I wanted was to see if this time, they really loved me. But that's when HE came. Jesus. He went to great links to show me that He loved me. He died a horrible death on the cross for me. He created me out of nothing, breathed new life into me, invited me into His play ground, covered over my sin with His blood, and accepted me just as I am...yet loved me too much to let me stay that way. So that's the key. His love was enough to satisfy my deepest needs. He was trustworthy and would never let me go. However, He had to teach me. For He knew from the beginning that even though He had created everything and said it was good, there was one thing that I couldn't have yet always longed for. I kept reaching for my "apple." It's the same apple that we all reach for...sin...although the fruit looks different to each of us. But the root is the same...the need to feel loved. And if we don't look to the Lover of our souls for that, we will constantly look elsewhere. For me, I wanted the people around me to validate me and tell me my worth. And that worked for me in some cases. Lots of people really did/do love me. But it was the few that didn't like me and let it be known. Their voice ruled over all and sent me into a foster home of despair. But then HE came...Jesus walked into my pitiful surroundings, dusted me off, and picked me. He adopted me and said, "You are MINE." He loved me with an unfailing love. And I trusted Him. But He knew that I wasn't complete, not this side of heaven. So the lessons began, as is with any child that you are raising. He had to take my apples from me and teach me my worth. It wasn't in the places I thought it was. He was/is my worth! He had to teach me love. For that is why He came. But first I had to learn His love. Next, He had to teach me how to love. So where did He start, with the ones who are the hardest to love of course. And it ripped me, this girl who just wanted to be validated, to my core. But He was determined to give me a new heart. A heart of flesh, no longer a heart of stone. And now He is teaching me my worth and how to love. By this, I know that my God is for me. I now know that we are all foster kids looking for love and we will act out until we let our Abba adopt us. However, He doesn't just want to adopt us so we can later walk into His new heavenly Kingdom. Rather, He wants to adopt us so we will walk in His new Kingdom now...on this side of Heaven. May we live like the children of God that we are, release our "apples," and enjoy all that His playground has to offer. Maybe then I won't have to love so many unlovely people...hahaha.
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She's half way there!

My little Lillie just turned 6 months old and it's like she grew up over night! They truly grow so fast and I am so grateful that I get to enjoy every moment with her now! All checked out great at Lillie's 6 month Dr's visit...minus the yucky shots! :( She weighs 16lbs and is 24in tall. Here are a few new things that Lillie is up to...

* She is rolling over everywhere and so I will find her at the end of her crib after every nap now. She loves it in there and will hang out there for a good while before I hear her cry.

* She is attempting to crawl and sit up but hasn't officially started yet.

* She started eating baby food! So far green peas, rice cereal and pears are her favorite and she grunts the whole time that she eats.

* She has her 1st tooth!...but it's hard to see b/c her silly tongue is always in the way!

* She still loves being outside and enjoys walks with momma. She is able to sit in her swing now.

* She is down to 2 naps a day and on a pretty good schedule.

* She is "talking" more, laughing more, and smiling lots.

* She loves her dogs and her papa.

* She has finally moved from bath times in her tub in th the kitchen sink to her tub in her own bath tub

* She still love Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and now Octonauts.

* She gets to meet her buddy Keeton, tomorrow! She gets to see her God brother, Ryder and Parks God sisters often.

* Daddy makes her smile & Mommy makes her feel secure.

* She loves attention from others, as long as Mommy is in full eyesight.

* Home is her favorite place.

Lillie, I love you so much and pray for you everyday! You are a gift! I am so excited that fall is officially here and to get to share it with you! Next year you can try my pumpkin spice latte! :)

Sometimes all it takes is a Pumpkin Spice Latte

The other day a friend text me and all she wrote was, "Hey, how you doing, hun?" and I started balling. If you know me at all you know that is not typical behavior of me. It takes a lot to get me to cry and a text like that usually never facilitates that. However, on this day it did. On this week, it would. Don't we all just need someone to ask us how we are sometimes? And I don't mean the stranger that you pass casually on the street that really doesn't care to know your answer to that question. I mean, a friend who really cares. I needed that question asked this week. As my last post stated, I have come to the end of a very sentimental season in my life and now find myself transitioning fully into another one. The days are long as I search to find my meaning now. Does laying in bed at 4:30 am, watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse with a sleepless baby count? I already know the answer to that question, but right now change is hard. I have always found change to be hard. But just like the change in seasons, it must come. However, I can count on a few things to remain the same now. One, God blesses me every night with a glorious sunset right after Lillie goes to bed. Two, a smile from my sweet Lillie Joy every morning that sets my whole day right...even at 4:30am! And lastly, Pumpkin Spice Lattes every fall at Starbucks! I grabbed my first one today while I was shopping at Target and it was the sip of delight that my soul needed. As fall begins to slowly make its way here and the leaves begin changing and falling (at least in some places), I realize that a lot of "leaves" are changing in my life; However, some things remain the same and for that, I am grateful. He is preparing me for something new and just as He promised, "He who began a good work in me will see it through to completion." My God, I thank you that You are Faithful and in the midst of much change, I can count on You and yummy Pumpkin Spice Lattes! :) div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">

The End of an Era

I woke up today and it felt like fall. I love fall! The first day of school, no more 100 degree temperatures (so I hope), a new season, and pumpkin spice lattes. I got excited! So I drove Lillie and I to Starbucks to partake in a pumpkin spice latte, only to find that they don't arrive for another week! Sigh. And then I realized that fall really doesn't arrive until Sept. 22. (thank you, Google.) As I felt stuck in between 2 seasons, I realized just how much that pertains to my life currently. I have been involved with Young Life (YL) for 18 years now! My first set of years, I was just a kid attending. Then I became a Senior leader. In college at A&M I went through YL leadership training but ended up not doing it out there and just helping out back home when they needed it. I also interned for MCYM YL in Europe and worked at camps. Eventually I switched colleges to Houston Baptist University and then got placed on the League City YL team. I volunteered there for a few years, then became the head volunteer team leader in our staff's absence. A few years after that, I finally came on staff with YL and stayed in my same area. I have been on staff with YL for 5 years now and come August 31, 2012, I will officially retire. When I first announced that, it was bittersweet. I decided to go off staff so that I could devote my attention to be a stay at home Mommy and God graciously provided for us to do so! However, in fully embracing one child, I feel as if I am letting go of another. Alongside my many pets :), YL and these kids have been my "children" for so long now! I plan on still being involved in small ways. I love YL too much to ever fully let it go (unless god called me too.) However, it will ultimately not look the same. :( As I said, when I first announced my decision, it was hard. But that was weeks ago and since then the work of 2 jobs (stay at home mom and YL) has since taken it's toll on me and my decision got a bit easier. :) However, as the days draw nearer and I begin cleaning out my desk, finalizing paperwork and such, I am sad once again. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to embrace this new phase and little person in my life! :) I have always wanted to be a stay at home mommy and I know that wherever God calls, He provides. However, this new phase is uncertain to me. This past phase has almost become part of my identity. I am sure, years from now, when my kids are all off to college and grown, I will be writing these same words, but in a different way. However, this now is my reality. This is my bittersweet. I have so much to say but I haven't fully sorted through it in my own head yet. Right now I am stuck in between 2 seasons and the feelings are still too raw. I am not quite sure what all this next one holds for me. So I will close with that I just read in my book, Unglued... "Even when life is hard and chaotic, I pray I make the courageous choice to embrace what is and to fill my soul with all of the good reality right in front of me. What I am. What I do have. What I can do." P.S. Why isn't blogger letting me add spaces, yall? Sorry! :)

Truth

I have always prided myself on being a real, honest and truthful person. I have been found to say, "What you see is what you get and I don't hide from people. I am just being honest." That was until I started reading Lysa Terkeurst's book, Unglued. It is messing with me in ways that I need to combat relational stresses that surround me right now and I thank God for it! A must read I believe! I would die if God didn't speak...even if His words are hard and mess with me sometimes. At least I know He is speaking...Hallelujah! Today, while reading the book, Unglued, I realized that we humans usually react in one of four ways: 1.) Exploders who shame themselves, 2.) Exploders who blame others, 3.) Stuffers who build barriers, 4.) Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks. Although I can sometimes be a "stuffer who builds barriers;" Mostly I call out stuffers by being an "exploder who blames others." Lysa explained (backed up greatly by James 3), that although "exploders" are honest and that is good, "when not reined in by the Holy Spirit, exploders will grieve God and other peoples heart when His people reject the godliness that should always balance out our honesty." So even if I am not being a stuffer ("a plastic version of godliness that isn't reined in by honesty,") it doesn't matter. Both need balance. Truth and godliness must always walk hand in hand. When speaking the truth (which we should), I must be better at "making an effort to see the situation from the other person's vantage point so I can get at the heart of the issue without sabotaging the heart of our offender." So as I am encouraged by this book, I encourage you to not only read it, but also to run after soul integrity-honesty that is wise and Godly! We could all use a little balance, reining in of our tongues, truth and relational help in our lives...right? I know I could! In this sad world of grey that we now find ourselves in, let's embrace truth, but in a Godly way, not as a weapon! And let's take some time to process our emotions with our wonderful Counselor! This could just be for me and Lysa Terkeurst, but I highly doubt it. Just being honest...haha! ;)

Lillie at 5 months old!

My little Lillie is officially 5 months old today! You're slowly starting to change a little bit every month! At 5 months you love... * to sleep only in your crib still * playing in your bouncers * Mickey Mouse clubhouse and doing the hot dog dance * your bath times and cuddle time after * stroller rides outside with Mom * being in your baby bjorn * being outside * sucking on either your fingers, thumb or bottom lip * sitting in your bumbo and watching me eat (really) You are discovering so many things! You have finally realized that we have dogs and you love them...esp. Lucy b/c she likes you best. You are too little for your high chair but will have to start getting used to it when you start eating food NEXT MONTH (oh my!) You love other people (but only when mommy is holding you...haha.) Potential problem. Shout out to Megan as our sweet friend just moved! :( You make the funniest and most expressive faces and constantly keep me laughing and in a state of worship with our Father! You are still a great sleeper and Daddy and I are so grateful for such an "easy" baby! You have no desire to crawl yet. But you are full of smiles all day long! Lillie Joy, you are my little diva and Daddy and I love you to pieces little monkey! :) Time has gone by too fast already...