Tuesday, June 25, 2013
I've been yearning to write lately but either don't have the time or just don't know what to say. I never wanted this blog to just be an update on my life. I wanted it to be inspirational. But I guess I have felt un-inspired. However, I hate to admit that because I have the greatest inspiration at my disposal...Jesus! And not only that, my life is not bad. Yet I have been "blah." I don't know any better word than that and I have no grand reason as to why so I feel guilty about it. But I guess there are a few things piled on top of each other that have not helped that feeling. First things first, I am 17 weeks pregnant!!! Yes, a surprise to us but a good and God one! I am due November 29 but will either be induced or scheduled for a c-section a week before that (due to complications with my last delivery with Lillie.) We find out the sex of the baby in 2 weeks and I can not wait! With that said, I really do have easy pregnancies (praise Jesus!); However, I do seem to project some "grouchy hormone" that just doesn't enjoy being pregnant...ha. I hate to admit it but its true. And on top of that, it doesn't help that my main source of community these days is my 15 month old baby, Lillie! Please hear me...she is probably the greatest joy in my life next to Jesus! I love her to pieces and hourly thank God for her! However, it does make for long days when it's just mostly her and I all the time. Steven works a lot unfortunately (life of a fire fighter) so he is not able to be home as much as the "normal" husband/dad...or as much as he would like. Another cause of "blah." So my "pregnant, stay at home mom, chasing a baby, and doing most of it alone self" is struggling with the mundane right now. Most of Lillie and I's days consist of being lathered in sunscreen, sweat and Off as we play outside with the dogs. I am a blessed girl and thank God daily, but this is my lot right now and I am still human and just being honest. I guess I miss community...with my husband, day to day with adults, etc. We have a great church that we joined not to long ago (Antioch) and that was an answer to prayer! It has helped. But this is still how I feel. Sorry for the depressing/non inspirational post. But I wanted/needed to start writing again so I just did and this is what came out. Aren't you lucky? :) That is, if anyone still reads this. I thank God for the diapers and the more about to come! In the meantime, I am asking God to show me His Glory in such a way in this phase of my life that it rushes Living Waters back into my soul and restores me! I know this is just a phase and one that I will miss when all is said and done. Lillie is about to wake up now and my pregnant self is hungry so I must hop off.