Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Hopeful expectation rooted in God

Do you ever catch yourself feeling like my little buddy, Linus here? I recently have. I have been waiting on something for awhile now and God has promised me a hopeful future, and there are days (when I am Kingdom minded) that I patiently wait for it. But then there are other days, like today, when I get weary. This morning I felt like Linus and basically cried out, "Lord, I'm tired of waiting! I just want to crawl under the covers until it's all over. Why me? When will I get my turn?" In short, "Lord, kill me now"...but not really...Hahaha. Sounds like the good, 'Ol Israelites from of old, doesn't it? To tell you the truth, I sympathized with them today. I thought, poor things are finally miraculously delivered after years of slavery, in hopes of a Promised Land, only to find that they have to wonder in the desert for the next 40 years until they can get it. No wonder they kept sinning and falling and grumbling. I probably would have too. So with that frustrated state of mind is how I entered into my QT this morning. And then God took over...

After grumbling to Jesus (no better person to grumble too), I heard Him speak so clearly to me (thanks for helping with that, Hannita!) He said, "Corrie, You are Mine. I want You! You won't have to wait for 40 years if you obey me. I long to satisfy you quickly. But what is your Promised Land...Me or your answer? Settle My love for you deep in your soul once and for all. And I promise you will get your promised land, but also gain your real Promised Land. Yes, 'hope deferred does in fact make the heart sick. But I am your Hope." Ok, I got it. :) The Israelites didn't get it. But here is what I get...

Psalm 130:1&2, 5-7 states, "Out of the depths I cry (cry out) to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear (give undivided attention, give heed to, listen) my voice. Let your ears be attentive to my cry for mercy...I wait (patiently, to expect in, hope) for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word (promise) I put my hope (to wait, tarry, expect, to be patient, hopeful expectation rooted in God). My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen (to keep guard of, preserve, protect a flock, to retain, as a prophet, to maintain self discipline, to observe the commandments and promises of God, with the sense of tending a garden, the term expresses the careful attention paid to the obligations of a covenant) wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning. O Israel, (Corrie) put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love (an act of merciful, faithful, and loving kindness, presupposes the existence of a relationship between the parties involved, and though men may prove unfaithful, God's hesed love is everlasting) and with him is full redemption(to redeem, ransom, buy back.)"

May this encourage you as it does me. Bind yourself to Him...your Hope! Your husband changing is a good hope, but not your Hope. God is! Stay Kingdom minded, friends!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Simpler Times

Here's a secret about me...I am not technologically savvy. I still own a vcr and videos, and I just bought my first dvd player not too long ago. If it wouldn't have been for my ex bf's and the hundreds of techno savvy high school kids that I am surrounded by daily, I would be utterly lost in our current day and age...and I'm actually apart of this generation...ha! With that said, here is another secret about me. I am extremely hyper sensitive about movies and TV shows. It's my own conviction...but I can hardly watch anything in this day and age. However, I love movies, so I have found some good entertainment in the Hallmark channel. God bless Michael Landon! Do you even know who he is?...ha. Well, my sister knows of and shares my conviction so we are usually swapping movies. Yesterday she gave me one called, Saving Sarah Cain. It's no Academy Award Winner, but made from a Christian book and a good "feel good." I was supposed to be back to my "jet-setting" lifestyle today, but my body would not have it. This sinus infection blows! (Tucker can attest to that.) So I ended my day early and decided to curl up and watch this movie instead. During it I got interrupted by a family friend of ours. He and his wife were over sharing some fresh veggies and flowers with us, straight from their garden (see below pics of their swiss chard and fragrant sweet peas...beautiful!) I'm not kidding when I say that, boy do they ever have a garden! It's amazing! They brought over so much that I felt like I was in the movie, The Lord of the Rings, and visiting the Shire (OK, it's fresh on my mind...I just finished the trilogy!) :) Anyways, while they were here they clued me in on some organic products that they swore were sure to cure my sinus'. I was desperate, so with their advice, I paused the movie and headed out to our local central market to fetch it. Once home, I ingested the pills, and their home-grown veggies, and dove back into my movie. The movie was about an amish family and one woman's healing through them. It was simple. And it got me thinking about my up-bringing within a Quaker community. My family was not as simple, but I was surrounded by a community that my family founded and were all Quakers and Friends Church attendees. I liked the simplicity of the church. I no longer attend there but it taught me a lot. So with my mind still, and freshly ingested organic pills and veggies in my body, I did what I usually do on a busy-free, cool night...I jumped in the hot tub. And now I sit here, under the stars, in a somewhat techno free world, and type this post. It's times like these when I wish that I could throw my cellphone away and live simpler. But then I ponder, who would reach the lost world of kids that I am so fortunate to get to do life with? (see below pic of me with some before their prom.) And with that I am convinced that Jesus wasn't telling us to live in "The Village" (another movie...more Academy Award style), rather, to live in this world, just look different. And that is possible. The world needs us. But are you ready to be salt and light. You will look different. But don't we all like to stand out every once in awhile? I know I do. And by golly, I just realized that my nose and eyes haven't dripped once sit I wrote this. It's a miracle! Perhaps that stuff did work!? I sure hope so! I'll let you know. I'm off now to behold the wonder of our Creator in His heavens! Here's the sad part what appears to be slow moving shooting stars at times are really just satellites. Horrible! Technology, you are cool, but stay away! :) Goodnight! :)

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Playing Hookie...Kind of

I feel like a high school kid again who is playing hookie and stupidly putting herself in the position to get caught (which I did a lot back then) but I'm actually not now. :) I was scheduled for and had a colonoscopy this weekend and God had in mind just to bar me in all together. It's just like God to know when we need some time out. And I did. As far as the colonoscopy goes, (Eww...I one of my YL kids so eloquently put it) :) I am OK (for the most part), so praise Jesus! But it seems that I caught a sinus infection while in the hospital so that has me under now almost more than the remaining anesthesia. However, I have actually been pretty productive. Just today I was supposed to be attending (somehow): 2 baseball games, 2 different Spring Shows, a wedding shower, a fishing tournament, selling mulch, and a crawfish boil...but I opted out of them all due to all this. I feel as if I am playing hookie by admitting it publicly on here, but hopefully my peeps will understand. Instead, I have done things that I haven't gotten to do in awhile, and despite my ill health, I have actually gotten a lot done. I have: cleaned my house (as well as my insides...ha), washed my bedding (which is one of my most favorite smells in the world), done some more writing on my book, gardened and finally caught some sun (my ghostly self is happy), napped beside my babies (something I never do), almost finished the entire trilogy of the Lord of the Rings (extended version I might add...but my favorite), got some YL office work done (my least favorite part of the job), and actually worked out. It's a miracle! I'm ready to get back to my fast paced life starting tomorrow. That's what I'm used to. But for now, I have enjoyed the past 3 days holed up with Jesus!

Attached are some pictures from my land of boredom. You will find my bird, Woodstock, enjoying a morning on the deck with me and Jesus (outsmarting the pretty singing birds with all the words that he knows); a before and after of my garden (thats zuchini coming!); some of my Spring flowers (including one called The Passion of the Christ-Yes, it's real and so cool); the kids playing on a new hill my dad made for them; my sleeping crazy babies and my badges of honor; a duck escorting her baby at one of my YL kids houses on the water (so cute), and pretty flowers for the patient, from my sweet man. Enjoy! :)

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Clash between two Kingdoms

(Side note: Above pic is what my YL kids recently referred to as "Fight Club" during YL on Monday when we used these for a game. Ha!) :)

If you haven't been able to tell by now, I am not afraid to be "real" on my blog. You can call me a lot of things, but not real is not one of them. And this will be another "real" post, so brace yourselves. :)

Yesterday I was told that someone once close to me referred to me as "psycho." If I would have heard that a few months ago I would have believed it, let it define me instead of God, and lost it. Then I would have probably ended up truly acting "psycho" b/c I believed what they said about me. Ha! :) The funny thing is, I don't deny that I have "schizophrenic" tendencies at times...ha. However, in all fairness to people seriously struggling with personality disorders, and obviously contrary to popular belief, I am not psycho, schizophrenic, or any other thing like that and I praise God that this is (at least) not one of the struggles that I have had to battle. I truly do feel for those who do and mean no ill will by this post. Anyways, I will even refer to myself as "psycho" at times, but who isn't one time or another....get real?! :) But yesterday when I was told that, instead of getting upset, I chose truth, passed the test and laughed. For you see, just a few short months ago this certain individual sincerely adored me and had for years. So either they too are psycho or I realize that their reason to refer to me as such was only due to hurt and denial, so I just laughed. And if you are wondering, there is no reason to talk to this individual either (for various reasons.) But anyways, back to my point. I haven't learned how to "laugh" over night. God has been working on me and teaching me how to get my identity, security, wholeness, and satisfaction in Him for awhile now and not let other people or things to give that to me. It's been a hard lesson but such a fulfilling and blessed one.

You see, as my previous post stated, it's been an "up-hill battle" for me lately. I have felt the "clash between two Kingdoms" (thanks Tuck!) In fact, last Thursday I had a "psychotic" (ha) meltdown and I just lost it with the Lord. It's safe to do that with Him. That's the beauty of Jesus...He is never overwhelmed by our depth of need. And we're all needy folks. It's just a matter of what we're letting fill us. Only He satisfies. Anyhow, in this current season, each day I choose truth and I make it through, but that day I/my flesh had had enough and I was tired. I was sitting in my hot tub (on a beautiful Spring night I might add) and crying out to God, "Why don't I ever get a break, God? Everyone else around me does and I know that they are not trying harder than me to live for You! I just want to be 'HIGHLY FAVORED'!" And then instantly (and this does not happen often), as clear as I could hear Him in my mind and Spirit, God answered back (or downloaded truth to me, as my mentor likes to say.) I felt God clearly say to me,
"My child, Who in the bible did I refer to as 'highly favored'?" "Mary," I answered. "That's right. And what was taking place when I called her such?," God asked. "You were instilling Jesus inside of her," I answered. "That's correct. And what happened after that, baby girl? Did her fiance, Joseph want to leave her b/c he was sure of her indiscretion? Do you think perhaps that everyone judged her, slandered her, gossiped about her, and that her reputation was ruined b/c she was a pregnant, supposed virgin? Yes, all that did happen. But I gave her one friend who could relate to her and she could confide in, Elisabeth. Just as I have given you your best friend, Hanna. And Mary persevered, I called her highly favored (although no-one else did), and then she birthed the Glory of God! Who are you living for, child? The Kingdom of this world, or the Kingdom of God? Because if you want to do this thing with me, then you have to remember that not only all my disciples, but even I lost my reputation, was slandered, gossiped about, rejected. Yet, as a sheep led to the slaughter house, I did not open my mouth and I pressed on, as Hebrews 12 states. Will you? That is what the Kingdom of God is about. It is hard and you will be mis-understood and look different than the kingdom of this world, but you will birth the Glory of God and be highly favored." - God.

HELLO!!! I was blown away! Sometimes God has to grab my attention like that b/c I am so stubborn. :) But it's also because He cares for me and loves me so much and I treasure moments like that. And those moments are what point me to truth, get me back on track and enable me to laugh when I hear lies said about me. And they are indeed lies, b/c the only label I wear is the one of Whose I am and who I am in Him...and that, my friends, is a 'HIGHLY FAVORED CHILD OF GOD!' And that too is what you are...if you're willing to walk the hard, yet worth it road with Him. Are you? You see, when you do, the hard times don't go away, but in them you learn that, as the great Sermon on the Mount states, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven." And you want the KINGDOM OF HEAVEN. It's what truly matters! Then God will give you sweet Kingdom moments (like mine last wk in my hot tub, or blessings from a great friend-thank you, Kristen :), or great Spring days like today) to carry on. Trust Him. We live not for this Kingdom, but His, and His looks way different. Are you willing to stand out? It's worth it! And He alone defines you and is everything that you need! Walk the way of the Kingdom of God!

God, I thank You that You are my: Security, Satisfaction, Shepherd, Safety, Comfort, I Am, Wholeness, King, Prince, Father, Friend, Counselor, Redeemer, Sanctifier, Trust, Teacher, Restorer, Savior, Prince of Peace, Treasure, Truth, etc. and You endure!!!!!! Amen! :)

And I know this is long, but I will end with a devotional that I daily get via e-mail from Proverbs 31 ministries. It probably sums all this up better... :)

Feeling Weak?
20 Apr 2010
Mary DeMuth, She Speaks Conference Graduate

"For consider your calling, brethren, that there were not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble; but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base things of the world and the despised God has chosen, the things that are not, so that He may nullify the things that are, so that no man may boast before God." 1 Corinthians 1:26-29 (NASB)

I didn't know that when those older boys pinned five-year-old me to the earth, my backside poked by brambles, that someday God would choose that frightened little girl, sexually abused for a year, to shame the wise. But He chose a shattered me.

I didn't know that as my childhood home filled with drugs and unsafe parties, God would rescue weak and scared me. But, eventually, He salved my fears.

I didn't know that as I ran from other predators, the boys' marks on me like a beacon, I'd someday limp into the arms of a Savior. I felt debased, unworthy, ugly, dirty, ruined. But He welcomed me.

I didn't know that as my earthly father slipped from this earth, my Heavenly Father stood nearby, open armed. Though my earthly father's death left me fatherless, my Heavenly Father didn't orphan me. He grafted me into His family.

I didn't know that as I considered different ways to kill myself in junior high, as I faced a third parental divorce, that Jesus' own beautiful death provided a way of new life for me. He rescued me from taking my life.

I was all the things the apostle Paul wrote about in today's key verse, and then some. Neglected, needy, pained, lost, small, frightened. An d yet God took those negatives and beautified them with Himself. That's the great paradox God brings to all of us, no matter how "easy" or hard our upbringing. It's not that we're strong and sufficient and wise, it's that He is.

Perhaps you've looked back on your past and shuddered. Perhaps you've questioned God about why He'd allow atrocities in your life. But consider this: God gets the most glory in the life fully surrendered to Him, and it's hard for a self-sufficient person to submit. He does the most work in our helplessness. (See 2 Corinthians 12: 9, 10).

Our weakness and frailty are not merely places of desolation; they are dance floors—holy places where the God of the universe is allowed to freely move in our lives. Our own lack allows for and welcomes this sacred dance where God's talent outshines our capabilities, where only He receives the glory.

Will you lay down your past today? Will you trust Him with the mess, the memories, the mayhem? If you do, He will take the marred pieces of your life, reassemble them, and make you fly. So you (because of Him) can shame the wise.

Lord, I confess I've seen my own injuries as reasons to blame you and keep You far from my heart. I'm sorry. Help me instead to see my weaknesses as a place where You can demonstrate Your strength. I welcome You into the painful places. Do something new and miraculous. I don't want to be embittered. I want to be free. And I want to give You all the glory. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
View the trailer for Mary's newest book, Thin Places: A Memoir and purchase your copy today of Thin Places: A Memoir by Mary E. DeMuth

The Mom I Want to Be: Rising Above Your Past to Give Your Kids a Great Future by T. Suzanne Eller

Hidden Joy in a Dark Corner: The Transforming Power of God's Story by Wendy Blight

For more encouragement, read Stained and Ruined

Application Steps:
Find a trusted confidant and share your story with her. Confess ways you've pushed God away. Ask her to pray for you so that you can allow God into the painful places of your life.

Journal a prayer to God about your difficult memories. His shoulders are big enough to carry your authentic, raw words.

Ask God to specifically guide you to Scripture that speaks to your past. Write them out, put them in your purse, and memorize them.

Look back on your life. When have you felt closest to God? The most distant? What were your circumstances at each time?

In what ways are you afraid to surrender your past to God?

How can you choose today to believe the truth that God's strength is stronger where you're weak?

Power Verses:
Isaiah 43:18-19, "Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." (NAS)

2 Corinthians 12:9-10, "And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake, for when I am weak, then I am strong." (NAS

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


"I am forced to restore (return, essentially denotes movement back to the point of departure) what I did not steal." - Psalm 69:4(b).

That is what I found yesterday in my reading of the Psalms. And it stuck out to me like a sore thumb! This Psalm is know as a Messianic/Imprecatory Psalm about Jesus. Obviously, Jesus is saying here that on the cross He had to restore what He didn't ruin. We did. I thought about that and how, as Romans 7 declares, "Thanks be to God for this indescribable gift of Jesus by rescuing us from our body of death!" (paraphrased.) And then I also thought, "Not only has Jesus made it possible for me, but I too can restore what I did not steal (through the generational sins and strongholds that have been passed down to me through my family line.)" You see, it's been kind of a rough road for me. And as I look around at loved ones my age who seem to be "on the right track of blessings," I'm not envious; I am happy for them, But I want my turn! That is what I was feeling yesterday..."Lord, why does everything come so hard for me? I feel like I have to fight so hard only to advance an inch!" I was pretty dis-heartened yesterday about this. But then this morning....

This morning God's mercies were fresh, like they are every morning, and He spoke a gentle word to me. He is so good like that! Praise You, Lord! :) I know some of my choices of dis-obedience have put road blocks on my path. As I also know that learning how to and trying to "restore what I have not stolen" have as well. Both things have made my path a little more rougher. However, God reminded me of three things this morning that I hope also encourage you as they did me.

1.) Although it is painful to be refined, God will use, if you let Him, every hard thing in your life to bring Him Glory! In your sin, He will bring mercy; in your impossibilities, miracles; in your sickness, healing; in your turmoil, peace. And in the end, the beauty of the metal will demonstrate the beauty of the Refiner! (Worship the King devo.)

2.) God does not judge as the world judges. He looks at the heart, I must keep His perspective. For I desire first and foremost to be highly favored by Him!

3.) As the Gospels state when Jesus referred to Mary, "He who has been forgiven much, loves much." Amen! I love Him so much more for He is truly all I have, my definer and refiner. And He really has brought me so far! Maybe not to the earthly world's perspective, but in His! Hallelujah!

You see, I have a choice now to make of obedience. That is how I "restore what I did not steal" and make it a little easier for those who go behind me. For that is why I am here anyways...To leave His mark in this world. Not to look the best in the world's messed up eyes. For Satan is the Prince of this world. I want to live by The Prince of Peace's Kingdom alone! And as Rocky says, "It ain't about how hard you're it. It's about how hard you can get hit, how much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" Amen! :) What can I say, I love Rocky!

Live for the Prince of Peace's approval alone friends. He restores You and will equip you to restore the baggage that you too didn't steal! There is a Way! Hallelujah and Amen!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Happy 3rd Birthday, Linus!

Dear Linus,

I know that you're just a dog and can't read, but I am 30, have no kids and love animals and you so mommy is writing to you on here today! :) You turned 3 today and I can't believe it! You are getting so old! I thanked God for you in my prayer time this morning and it made me realize just how far that I have come in these past 3 years that I have known you! Oh thank you, Jesus!!! You came at just the right time in my life-as a door for healing had opened up and this little blessing stepped in. I will never forget driving far away to get to go and get you with sweet Philicia. I had searched for you intricately for months and knew I found the right place when I saw the ad. I went to the lady's house planning on getting a little girl, but you sold yourself to me. You were so hyper and funny and cute...I just knew that you were the one. The moment I put you in the car you crawled up on my neck and have stayed there ever since. You have separation anxiety when I leave and nearly throw a fit when I return. You have brought me such joy and comfort over the years...just as all these pictures protest. You love people, being the center of attention, road trips, hammocks, sitting on my neck, playing with all your toy bunnies, sitting at my side, trying to attack other animals, treats, and steak. I bought Lucy thinking that you would enjoy her companionship but you didn't. You just wanted me. Ha. However, you have grown to love her and play with her well and I am very proud of you for that. You also take your daily walks and vitamins, although you hate them, and I am equally proud of you for that as well. And you are lightening up on Sally. Good job my little grouchy man! You are so quirky, makes me laugh. You definitely have your own little personality. From your crooked smile, to your side glances, to all your many health problems and your growling when you're happy, and everything in between. I love how you dig a nest in my bed before you go to sleep. I love everything about you and hope for many more years! You are a gift to mommy and loved by many! Happy Birthday, King Lino!!!! I love you so much! :) In fact, as I type this you are so cutely sleeping on my couch right now. I could just eat you. Oh wait, someone just came to the door and now your are barking. Ruined moment but typical Lino. :) Gotta go...

Happy Passover an Easter weekend!!!