Thursday, January 28, 2010

Revelations, Transformation and a New Song!!!

Woo-hoo...Jesus is so cool!!! :) I awoke this morning, after my post last night, and opened my first devo (I read several!) :) It was Beth Moore's, Breaking Free Day by Day, and it said...

"There is no fear in love; instead, perfect love drives out fear." I John 4:18.

"Have you ever feared that someone would cease loving you? Not only have I feared it. I've experienced it! God has carefully and graciously allowed some of my fears to come true so I would discover that I would not disintegrate. God TAUGHT me to survive on HIS UNFAILING LOVE. It wasn't fun, but it was TRANSFORMING!

The one thing neither you nor I could survive is the loss of God's love, and that is a loss we will never have to try. His love endures forever. That's what is meant when the Scripture says that 'perfect love drives out fear.'" AMEN!!!

Hello! Oh my...that just sums up me and the NEW place that I am in right now! I can see the top of the mountain. And when the valleys of the shadow of death come, I need fear no evil now b/c now I don't just know, I KNOW that HE is with me! My perfect love! Hallelujah! And to sum it up best...

Shane & Shane's, Everything is Different:

"Who am I to know Your Glory?
Who am I to recognize Your voice, calling out?
How could I be in Your story?
The God who was, and is, and is to come
Who has won!

I was dead in my sin, You came in

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout,
That Jesus has been sent
and everything is different

Oh yes it is

You turned ashes into beauty
You are forming not against me now
You found me somehow
You turned mourning into dancing
You turned weeping into a joyful noise
Oh Rejoice!

I was dead in my sin, You came in

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout,
That Jesus has been sent
and everything is different

What matter of love,
That You would call us, sons and daughters
We cry, 'Abba, Father!'

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah!

I will never be the same!

You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and You're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me wanna shout,
That Jesus has been sent

And everything is different"

Check out their new CD, Everything is Different. Amazing! Here I am...ready to embrace my NEW chapter with You, God! We shall see..... :) This butterfly is off....

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Perspective

So I took my YL kids tonight to see that movie that I blogged about the other day (To Save a Life.) A lot of kids showed up and it was amazing! They loved it and were touched, as I was again...praise the Lord! While watching it I couldn't help but smile at some parts...the parts that everyone else would tear up at. The first time that I saw it, I teared up too. But this time I knew the ending so I wasn't sad. And it got me thinking...isn't that just like God with us? He knows the big picture. When our tears fall, I know that He cries with us (ex. Lazarus); However, He knows the ending so perhaps He even smiles sometimes too when He holds us. That gave me perspective. The other day I was talking to my bestie, Hanna on the phone and she was sharing a story with me about her youngest son, Luke. She said, "Corinna, I was bathing Luke last night and while the water was running he would scoop it up in this cup and pour it on his head. He was so content and kept doing it. But our old farmhouse has poor plumbing so when I realized that the water instantly turned to scolding for a bit, I grabbed the cup from him. He of course threw a fit so I thought that I'd let him pour it on himself once so he'd learn and stop crying. I did, he cried, and so I took the cup from him again. Again, Luke cried for the cup. So one more time I let him have it, only to have him pour hot water on himself again and have him end up crying. Finally I took the cup away for good so he would not burn himself to death and he cried the rest of the bath. At that moment I thought, 'how often do we beg God for things that He knows aren't good for us, and He lets us have them, we get hurt, but we still want them. Then eventually he rips them away for our own good?'" Wow! Such a teachable moment from my friend. Isn't that so true? It's like my precious namesake, Corrie Ten Boom, once said..."Our life is like a cross stitch pattern. We only see the back and all the threads going every which way, with no rhyme or reason. But God see the front and knows what the glorious pattern will turn out to be!" (paraphrase.) Today, after I blogged about strength and transformation, my good friend Tucker text me and said, "Corrie, I just read your blog. Looks like you are already on top of the mountain." To which I replied, "I wish." And then, through a chain of events, it hit me...I felt FREE! Could this be real?!?! God is so good at working things out! I'm sure I will be immediately tested tomorrow. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I want these truth and revelations to be made REAL in me...and that's how He is doing it! But for now...for now I feel FREE...FINALLY!!! Oh praise the Name of Jesus! He knows what I need and really want! And now that I am not just thinking about myself, I see the bigger picture. He is working all for the good! "The Lord is my Shepherd, I have everything that I need. I shall not be in want!" Psalm 23:1. Now that's some perspective folks! :)

Strength & Transformation

Recently a former loved one in my life said that I was so weak, and not strong. The words stung as I am currently learning to walk in what Christ defines me as, and no longer allowing man's words to define me. Normally I would crater under harsh words like that. I would let them define me. But not this time. I didn't even give them a second to penetrate b/c I knew that they were far from the truth. No, I am not strong, but in Him, I am STRONG! And I am in Him! Psalm 73:26 states, "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Amen!!!! You see, God may not be performing a miracle in my circumstances right now. BUT...He IS performing a miracle in my heart and mind! Hallelujah! As Habakkuk 3:17-19 states, "Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, YET I WILL rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The SOVEREIGN LORD IS MY STRENGTH; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights." Yes! I am being transformed, as 2 Corinthians 3:17&18 states. I looked up that word, "transformed," in my Hebrew/Greek Bible and it stated: As Romans 12:2 states, transform means to metamorphis, to form something. To "concentrate on letting your character undergo a metamorphis by the renewing of your mind; in order that you might be able to evaluate and ascertain what the will of God is-that which is good, well-pleasing, and ideal." AMEN & Amen!!! His word is love and active! You see, I have always thought I am worthless until fully healed, until I fully arrive. Not true! We are constantly being transformed. Just like the butterflies that I so dearly love. Like clay in the hand of the Potter. I am regaining pliability, as my devotional talked on today from Jeremiah 18:8! And His blessing comes to those who bend; the little lambs whose legs are broken! God has done His part in me and will continue. I just need to do my part-to work out His salvation with fear and trembling, by walking in love and obedience. I John 4:10! This butterfly is learning how to fly! May you too. In Him, you are strong and free my friends! Fly and declare the beauty of the Lord!

"The Lord gives strength to his people; the Lord blesses his people with peace." Psalm 29:11.


Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The waiting room

Shane and Shane Lyrics from Shanebweb

waiting room

by shane barnard


i will run when i cannot walk
i will sing when there is no song
i will pray when there is no prayer
i will listen when i cannot hear

sitting in the waiting room of silence
waiting for that still soft voice i know
offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord i know if i change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
so i sit in the waiting room of silence
cause its all about You

i will fight when i cannot feel
i will trust when You dont seem real
i will tell when i cannot speak
i will step when i cannot see

 


return to Shane B Web Main
return to Shane and Shane Lyrics

all lyrics by shane and shane are © by shane and shane.
(if a song is not shane barnard, it is copyright by that person)

*Every word of this song describes my journey now! Psalm 131:2! May these minister to you as well! Be still & submit to His Sovereignty! It's all about Him!

Monday, January 25, 2010

He makes me lie down in green pastures

As previously posted, today was a hard day. Unexpected news came my way, my biggest fears rang true (amongst other things), and I was down. This teaching phase is tough. But I had to prepare a lesson for my YL kids tonight so I couldn't hide away. And that was God's plan. We are not here for us! :) It was 2 hours before YL and I had no talk planned nor was I ready to be "on" for them. I pleaded with God, "I have nothing to say. I am in pain. I have nothing to offer them. What do I do? Give me a lesson now!" To which I felt Him gently reply, "Speak from your pain, my child." "What do I say, God?" I asked. "What did I say to you the other night?" He answered (but in a question of course b/c we know that Jesus likes to do that.) :) I muttered, "Psalm 23. But they won't understand that. I can't even think clearly to speak." "Try Me," He said. So I jotted a few notes down and headed out with no make-up on, swollen eyes, and a red nose. I said a prayer and Jesus calmed me with an amazing sunset (pic below) and some kind words. 8pm came, hundreds of kids flooded in, the action began and I was off and running. Then came the end for my talk. I got up there and told them that I was not gonna pretend to be another Christian leader in their life who seemed to have it all together. I shared with them my story from the other night (previous post) and how even though I am 30, freshly broken up, and alone, I have Jesus who sweetly pursues me. Then I read them Psalm 23. I broke it down...really focusing on how He "makes us lie down in green pastures." When I read that part before I used to envision a little lamb laying in the sun on a green meadow...like in beautiful Colorado. However, I recently found that not to be the complete case. The Shepherd would break a back hind leg of a wondering lamb and carry it on his shoulders, bring it back to the fold, and there it had to stay until it's leg healed and it would no longer wander away. (Thanks Tuck!) My point, we may walk through the valley of the shadow of death, God may break our legs, but we need not fear b/c He is our Shepherd, He is with us, and therefore we have everything that we could ever need or want. He only wants to protect us and give us life. He knows better than we what we need, rather than want. It was not a usual YL talk, but I felt it was needed. I needed it. Why wouldn't they? We all suffer. I assured them that although divorces will occur, Haiti disasters, broken legs before the last big game, break ups, being single at 30 and in pain, etc., He is with us. He came to seek and to save the lost, not the righteous. After it was over I was flooded with kids waiting to talk to me. That is not typical. They usually can't wait for the talk to end, the music to start, and the games of basketball or dancing to begin. But tonight...tonight kids were sharing their pains and telling me how much that they needed to hear what God had to say to them through me. Even one of my new, young, married leaders came up afterward and hugged me and said, "Thank you for your talk tonight. I am married and needed to hear that. Only God is enough for me! You inspire me so much!" Wow...that meant a lot. The youth pastor (of the church of where we hold YL at) was there too and he too said that he loves hearing me talk and my talk inspired him and so many kids. There were a lot of new kids there texting me afterwards and saying how much that they love YL. I usually beat myself up after a talk. But not tonight. And I'm not tooting my own horn either. This one was not me. I had nothing to offer and Jesus came to comfort me so with the comfort I had received, I could comfort others. How beautiful is our Gospel! Just as the pictures below describe...in your greatest pain, put your head on His shoulder. The kids had just been crying before I held them. And Sally is in heat so miserable...ha. Anyways, trust our Good Shepherd, friends. You may not have what you want, but He knows what you need. And in the end, you will want that too. He may make you lie down in green pastures, but it's only to protect you from impending harm, to restore your soul. For He wants to give you life! John 10:10! So while having to lay in green pastures, take advantage to lay your head on the Beloved, just as John did, hear His heartbeat as your own, and come to know and love Him more than anything in this life! There is an incredible road ahead of us all! Goodnight!



Letting go & Looking Up to Receive your Inheritance

My internet has been down for awhile and still is but I had to sneak away somewhere to write. This past Saturday night I headed to the movies to do some research for Young Life. There is a new movie playing called, To Save A Life, and is a Christian film about teen's struggles. It is very good and one that I will take some of my High School friends to see. Anyways, when I left the theatre Satan randomly decided to attack me. Thoughts/lies flew in my head that I would never find a man who would love me right and I started entertaining them. I got in my car and sat there a moment under the dark, night sky, yet bright parking lot lights. When all of a sudden the brightest, largest & longest shooting star/meteor slowly shot across the sky! It took my breath away! I had 105.7 Christian radio on in the back ground and at the same time some man on there started reading Psalm 23-first in english, then followed in Hebrew. My life verse from Jesus! Right then and there I felt the Lord whisper to me, "My sweet child, only I will love you with a perfect love. Only I can pursue you perfectly and go to all stops to show you my love. Only I know exactly what you need and want. Only I." He had loved me so sweetly and knew me. I breathed a sigh of relief and just thanked Him over and over! I was at peace. He had overturned the lie with His truth for me and showered me with the only love that I need. The next day (yesterday) I headed to church to learn more about Genesis (what we are studying.) My pastor was talking about Abram and how he had to seperate from Lot, his secuirty, and look up to God in order to finally receive his inheritance from God (Genesis 12-14.) I felt God speaking to my heart to let go of my security, my "Lot," that I have been holding onto in this tough time, in order to receive my inheritance. I felt empowered. Then this morning (in my QT) God confirmed that it was time for me to move on. It felt painful but I knew that I needed to and said I was ready. That's when the final "nail in the coffin" came. I was confronted by my Lot and told that it was done with me. Pain shot through, but then I was instantly reminded of what God has been assuring me of over and over in this time. One, that as my life verse (Psalm 23) states, He is in fact my Shepherd and in Him I have everything I need. And two, just as He tested Simon in Luke 22:31&32, so I too am being tested. Will I really follow Him to death? Do I really love Him? Then He will allow Satan to attack/sift me in this time, but HE is praying for me, that my faith may not fail, and WHEN I turn back, I MUST strengthen my brothers. Yes! My faith will not fail! This season is HARD! It is hard to let go and move on. But I know that Jesus is holding my hand as we walk into this NEW chapter together. As my friend reminded me, I am standing in a more secure place right this moment than ever before! Thank you, Kristen! Friends, may we consider everything as rubbish that we may gain Christ and be found in Him! He is the Potter who knows what exactly will make this piece of clay look radiant!

P.S. I have a new addition to my Peanuts gallery now. Introducing Sally, my new cat! :) As previously blogged, I rescued a bunch of stray kittens from my garage this summer (at the very beginning of this hard season that I am now walking through.) Several died, a few were adopted, a few more escaped and I kept one...Sally. I am highly allergic to cats and was beginning to be bogged down from this season so I didn't even attempt to keep her. I nursed her to health and wanted to keep her close so gave her to my brother in law. He has had her for about 8 months now and recently called and said that he could no longer keep her. Without hesitation, I said that I would take her, but didn't know what I would do with her. I am animal obsessed! :) Anyways, I prayed that I would be able to keep her...that: I would miraculously have no allergies; she wouldn't try to eat my bird, Woodstock; she would settle down (after not much attention was shown her before so she was a bit wild); and that my dogs, Linus & Lucy, wouldn't try to eat her. :) Well, it has been 2 weeks now and all is well...praise the Lord! It truly is a miracle and I love this little girl! It's just like God, as Psalm 23 states, to restore our souls. To restore means: to recover, take you back to the place of captivity and give you a do-over. I rescued Sally at the beginning of this hard season and now I am getting her back, miraculously, as it is finally and slowly coming to an end-and God is wrapping a finishing bow on it! Thank you, God! Attached is also a water color painting of Linus & Lucy, that my dear friend, Aimee gave me for my birthday! :) I'm off now...Yl is back in full swing starting this week! God, help me through this new season please...and put a NEW song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to my God, that many will see and fear and put their trust in You-Psalm 40:3!!!





Sunday, January 17, 2010

So long 20's...

Well, it's official...I turned 30 today! Yikes! :( I awoke this morning to that reality and my first devotional was about how Satan wants to steal our dreams...our dreams as women of: bearing fruit and children, of having a spouse and family, etc. I had to laugh! So far that loser has succeeded. Poop! HOWEVER, as the devo later stated, the enemy may have been standing on my God-given ground these past few years-daring me to possess it. And I may have been cowering to him. BUT I know that I will possess it this year!!! I will...I just know it! I may be in another decade and satan may still be taunting me, BUT...I WILL get my God-given ground this year...I just know it! Let it be so, Father! I can't control that I am getting older. Just like I can't control the season that I find myself in now, the losses I'm encountering, the lies I'm battling, the strongholds I'm getting freed from, etc. I was reminded of that by someone close to me this morning. :( However, YOU, God, are my Rock! This year...

My soul will find rest in You alone-Psalm 62:1&2! And you will make me like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God, trusting in Your unfailing love forever-Psalm 52:8! You will be my shield, my glory, and the lifter of my head-Psalm 3:3! You will be pleased to present me this year-Galatians 1:15&16! I will be fruitful this year, to Your delight! My Psalm 17 cry will be answered! Just as you stood firm in Whose You were in Luke 20, so I will...even when mocked! This year I will fear You alone-Psalm 86:11! I request wisdom, I will revere You, and I will receive Godly counsel so that I will have wisdom and walk in truth, no longer lies, insecurities & feelings! It has already been accomplished on the cross! Amen!

I was pretty bummed this morning so I asked God for a special touch of His love. I had finished my QT and saw this little "coffee table" book sitting there. It's called, His Princess Bride, with a little word for each day. I picked it up and whispered a little prayer that God would speak to me through it. I just opened to a random page and the starting line was from my life verse-Psalm 23. It was Psalm 23:4 and this is what followed:

"My Princess, I will never leave you. I know you live in a world where many relationships come to a bitter end, My love. But I am not a man; I am your Lord and your Prince. I will never leave you or forsake you, my beloved Bride. As long as you walk with Me, you will never walk alone. I am with you wherever you are, and I will never abandon you. If you ever doubt I am here, just ask Me and I will reveal Myself to you in a very special way. I will do whatever it takes to prove My faithfulness to you. You can trust your heart in my care. I will not let you down as long as you look up.
Love,
Your Prince who will always be yours."

Wow! Did He ever answer! Praise You, Lord! I may be older, I may be in un-controllable circumstances, I may feel all alone, BUT...I have the God who loves me more than anyone in my life...and His love alone is good, un-failing, un-conditional, forever. Thank you, God! I have the greatest gift of all! This will be a good year!

P.S. Zooey Deschanel, (Jovie, from one of my favorite movies, Elf), also turned 30 today too!!!! :)

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Besides just pain, lessons & discipline...

Here are a few other (mostly more up-lifting) things going on in my life right now...

Warning...the pics and words are somehow all a jumbled mess but I'm not computer savvy and tired of trying to fix them so deal somehow. :)

* Some of my old YL kid's family was just visited by Extreme Makeover Home Edition last week and I got the distinct priveledge of getting the first tour of their new house a coupe of nights ago!!! It is so amazing!!! I praise Jesus for them! This is a Godly family of four biological children and 9 adopted children (most of which have severe disabilities.) This family was hit hard by Ike 2 years ago and 15 of them have been living in a trailor since. I can't wait for you guys to see it when it airs on TV. Not sure when it will yet. Wasn't aloud to post the finished product pics! :)


* I have been taking care of my sick gpa. Please pray for him. :(


* I finally bought a cute, little couch for my little pool house (much needed) and my dogs think it's theirs!




* Due to my alone season, my nieces & nephew have become some of my new bf's! :) Grace's hair is a fun, new piece of entertainment! Ha :)


* Back to the grind of work and ministry in YL...but I love it! Recently I had the priveledge of watching 2 of my High schools wrestle against each other. I have never watched this sport before and yall...it is most interesting...ha.


* I have obtained a cat! All my life I have been allergic to cats and their personalities freak me out anyways. However, I am an animal lover of all kinds and this summer, as previously blogged, I rescued several stray kittens from my garage. Several died, a couple were adopted, and the rest escaped back into the wild...but one...Sally. I named her Sally to fit in with the rest of my Peanuts gallery over here. I loved Sally and had calmed this little stray but knew I was allergic so I asked my brother in law to take care of her for me. I haven't seen her since and have missed her. He has had her for the past 7 months but just a few days ago he surprisingly informed me that he could no longer have her. So w/o thinking, I went to get her. I rushed her to the vet and we had a time with her. She has gotten a bit wild yet received a fairly clean bill of health. So I took her home on friday and set her up in my bathroom (until she can get used to her new surroundings and I can see if she is a fit for us.) It started out a bit challenging but is a lot better now. So far...no allergies for me (praise God!), she hasn't attacked my bird, Woodstock, but eyes him, there is a little bad blood between her & Linus (not surprsing) but not too bad, and she is slowly taming. We shall see what happens. I pray we all gel well together soon! She at least has been purring now when I touch her! :) And the wierd thing is...I got her when all the drama began un-folding in my life this summer. I had no clue what my poor choices would bring and soon gave her away. Now I have gotten her back, after the issues have ended yet the lessons are being learned. Is she a "do-over" for me? It's wierdly symbolic. I hope so! May it be a blessing...beauty from ashes! But it is in fact a zoo in my little home! :)

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* My parakeet, Woodstock, is a surprising talking machine...against all odds. I got him last February and he already says the following (clearly) and I'm not lying..."Hey Woodstock-Good Morning Woodstock-You're such a pretty bird-I love you-Praise Jesus-Hi Corrie-Jesus loves me-Come here-Hey baby..." and various whistles. Sometimes he even intermingles the words, like, "Praise Corrie," to which I quickly correct him. It's hillarious! :) He taunts Sally too which is even funnier. I love that smart little guy!


* I'm having to throw a lot of old clothes away. I still can wear clothes from 7th grade...ha. They are back in style now due to my old age! :) These socks were new just 8 months ago though! I got them for my Colorado summer backpacking trips. Yet I sat too close to the fire this summer on Wilderness and got burned. It is time to release them. A lesson...don't sit too close to the fire or you will get burned blog friends! :)



* As my previous post stated, I have a new hair cut and I am 30 now!!! Aahh...! Here are a few pics from my birthday. It blew! But I had a great QT with Jesus and coffee in my new cup, a yummy cake, a pretty sunset, and some pretty flowers!







* And lastly, always something I am learning. :) Today I was reminded of the woman in MArk 5:24-34. Really study that story. Her faith healed her! That is where I am at today! I'm learning to trust God's great plans for me, even in the pain. He is molding me to want what He wants! Amen! And this will be my year for Psalm 18 to ring true!!! Throw what you want at me, enemy, I am growing in Jesus! Ok, I can always write more, but this is really too long. :)

May you not be bored to death now! :)

On the eve of 30!


Well bloggy friends, I officially turn 30 tomorrow and I am dreading it! :( I was in such a different place last year and I couldn't imagine being where I find myself today! However, I am equally ready to move forward! No more being stuck in the past as I have lived my whole life! As my new haircut states, out with the old and in with the new! So long 20's...it's my last day in them! :( This year I pray...

"Not only that I get hotter...ha. Really, that God will raise the dead things to life and make the impossible things possible in me, as that is His specialty. Yet I pray that I exercise great faith (as I am learning) so that I am finally capable of long term obedience (of which I desperately want), and of which I am capable of through faith in Christ! Also, that I will remember that the only priority that drives the Master Gardener of this vineyard of mine is to bring me to fruitfulness and that He will do whatever it takes to make that happen b/c He is even more committed to my abundance than I am! So please make it happen, Lord! For as Psalm 16 and Proverbs 16 say...Lord, You have a plan for me that is good. You are out for Your glory and my good. You have a right to rule and Your rule is right! We will obey some Master yet You are the better option! Be my Master! And may I stop reacting on feelings, like Esau, David & Sarah did and therefore a whirlwind of consequences followed. God, forgive me and have mercy please! Rather, may I focus and act on Your truth and wisdom, instead of my feelings! Renew my mind! Perfect that which concerns me! And may I know and love your more than anything in my life this decade and beyond! In Jesus' Name-Amen!"

"The Lord works out everything for His own ends-" Proverbs 16:4.

And to end, a song from one of my very favorite artists, Shane & Shane: Mercy Reigns, by Shane Barnard

"she hides her face, it seems too good
for Your embrace to find her
and say, "my dove, your voice is sweet
show me your form... your form is lovely"

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

its new every morning
its new every morning
its good enough for me

no ear has heard a melody
as sweet as yours for her
it seems too good, so undeserved
my heart faints now, for we are her

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

i will abide in Your love, Your love"

(song of solomon 2:14, lamentations 3:22-23

Thursday, January 14, 2010

His eye is on the Sparrow...



...And I know he watches me!



I keep receiving mean comments. It can be a bit dis-heartening. But God is equipping me. I learned in my Bible Study this morning that, like a tree (in which God compares us to a lot), our feelings and thoughts are fruits. Our assumptions are the roots. We must trace the root of a bitter fruit and cut off that faulty root with the sword of the Spirit! Your weapon is God's truth alone! No more failing prey to un-belief by acting upon lies! For example, the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1:26-32. And 2 Corinthians 10:4&5 & Ephesians 6:10-18! The people who are hurting me should not have the power to destroy or define me. Nor should I get bitter and prideful. For we are all fallen creatures. But our God...He alone is perfect, He is good, His love is un-failing, He is the only one who can meet our expectations and never tires of our needs...and never let us down! His eye is on the sparrow...therefore I know that He watches me! I was reminded of this truth yesterday when I saw him on my porch. :)

"Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.

I am in His hands! And so are the people of Haiti! Have you heard? Please pray for them. It grieves me. If you would like to help but don't know what to do, I learned from Beth Moore's ministries (Living Proof) that you can Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts. It will be charged on your cell phone bill.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Lies vs. Truth

I awoke this morning with my phone and computer off and ready to have some time with Jesus. It was a sweet, revealing time. I was filled with encouraging, healing TRUTH! Praise Jesus! Once my QT ended I was ready to share some of my thoughts on here. I proceeded to turn on my computer and go to my blog. I then saw 2 comments that needed to be moderated. One, from my good friend Tucker. A verse of truth! Another from a coward who wished to remain anonymous...a lie straight from the pit of hell! Of course I chose not to publish it. Lies do not deserve to be published. At first he/she decided to quote me from one of my last posts and this anonymous person's comment read as the following, "'I feel un-worthy, un-loveable, rejected, easily replaced, messed up, abandoned & ugly.' Ummmmmmm...you should after all the shit you pulled!" Wow! A week ago I would have let this comment define me, bring me down, destroy me. But not anymore! God is truth and when He speaks He speaks words of truth, affirmation, healing, encouragement. These words were not such! These words were straight from the pit of hell and from a cowards mouth! So if the person who wrote that is reading this, I want to say this to you...I am not bitter. I choose to forgive you. And you did not get me down. In fact, I feel very sorry for you. For you, my friend, must be lost. God will deal with you. I need not avenge myself. For I am His child and He hates to see one of His own wounded. May you get that yourself someday. I pray for you. Your lie did not penetrate through my truth from my God. Yes, I am a sinner, BUT I am saved by grace and that in fact is who I am!

Well, that first paragraph truly does sum up my life lately in this season. Satan is trying so very hard to destroy me. He is pulling out all the stops, not letting up and the battle has gotten very heated and hard for me daily! And yes, God is allowing it. Just as He did with Peter and Job. But I know that just as He did with Peter and Job, I will come through this victorious! For Satan is only after me b/c I am a threat to his kingdom. "But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill." Psalm 3:3&4. God is calling me to walk this journey alone with Him now, to discern truth from lies, to live on truth and not lies. He has pulled all my securities away and is testing me by allowing the enemy to through all his lies at me. Will I believe and put my identity in them (like I have always) or in God's truth. God alone is my security and who defines me! My journey is hard but I am not alone. God is for me! And I am growing. You see, God, my King, is pursuing me-Psalm 23:6. And He pursues with unfailing love. I am being captured finally by His love and His truth! As I learned in my bible study this morning...My presumptions (and others about me) are not worthy of becoming the foundation of my thought closet. That is pride and leads to horrible actions. Like Rachel in Genesis 30:1. Only God's view of me is worthy of becoming the foundation of my thought closet! I will no longer be dis-obedient by un-belief. I choose to believe God! For He is my Shepherd and always has His glory and my good in mind!

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever." Psalm 52:8.

Lamentations 3:19-33.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Winter Training & Discipline

I finally just got home from YL Winter Training in Georgia! Here are a few pics (in regards to my snow/Prince of Peace blog a few days ago.) It was beautiful! I also enclosed a few bored pics taken while in class. As you can see, my good friend, Bronson is asleep on my chair...ha. Being home is refreshing but also brings me back to reality. It's hard. I don't want to face it. In fact, I went for a walk a minute ago to clear my head. Plus, I haven't exercised in weeks and that is not like me. I almost had a heart attack this morning while pulling my suitcase up 2 flights of stairs! I have been sitting all week and I had to move but knew I couldn't go too far due to lack of exercise. Anyways, on my walk I was listening to music on my iphone when my best friend, Hanna called. She, and a few others have been helping me through my hard time lately and I was sharing with her how I couldn't take many more tests from God. "He won't seem to let up and it's so painful," I told Hanna. "Enough already," I keep crying out, but to no avail. Just when I see a ray of hope, something else hits me. "I don't understand why God hates me so much," I said to Hanna. To which she replied, "Oh no, Corrina, (that's what she calls me...she's mexican) :) the Lord disciplines those whom he loves and chastises those He sees as His children." Wow! She was right on. A truth I well know but had forgotten at this time. Here I am feeling picked on, when all the while God is picking me out! Amazing...yet painful! He is TRANSFORMING me for a greater purpose. I just can't see the greater purpose yet so while in the transformation process it hurts. It's kinda like my arrival to the Atlanta airport today.

We awoke at 4:30, after little to no sleep, got on a greyhound bus for a long trek to the airport and when we arrived to the airport I was told my bag was too heavy. I'm sure it had a lot to do with the 6 large books that they assigned us while there! Anyways, I quickly took thing after thing out until the size was right and my hands were full. Only to find out you now have to pay $20 to check a bag with Continental...ridiculous. Anyhow, I preceeded to the security gate which is never fun anyways. Once there I received the dreaded news that no one likes to hear, “Bag check.” I looked to see if the gentleman in front of me had received his bags. He indeed had. It was me. I was flagged for a small wooden sign that was too long to fit in my suitcase. It was a gift for a friend and something that I had carried on recently before. The “checker” told her "assistant" to take it to their supervisor. To which the assistant responded, “This? Why?” “Because she could use that to wack someone in the head with it," replied the checker. “Are you serious,” I thought. Not even a minute later the assistant came back to me and asked me to step over to see his supervisor with him (all the while refusing to give me back my wooden sign.) His supervisor proceeded to tell me that I could not bring that on the plane and it was too late to check it so I had to mail it. “Why,” I asked. “Because you could use this as a weapon and hit someone with it.” At this point I was irritated. I had been up all night and already traveling via bus since 5am. Therefore I responded, “Sir, I could use my laptop here for much greater damage if I really wanted to hit someone.” “I realize that, mam, but it doesn’t look dangerous. You’re going to have to mail it back home. The post office is down aways,” he replied. With a highly aggravated laugh I asked where and he showed me (more like escorted me) the way. It was a nice little hike. When I arrived at the airport post office I shared with them my dilemma and that I had nothing to wrap this in. “Go next door to the next place of business and get some bubble wrap and then come back to me.” I was on my way, even more irritated. I arrived at the next place of business only to discover that they were in fact out of bubble wrap. At this point I was ready to just throw the sign at someone and hurt them for real and just leave the gift behind and head to my gate. I didn’t. I begged this guy to help me out somehow. He felt sorry for me so he wrapped it in a bunch of cellophane for no charge. From there I headed back to the post office in which I was told this wrap job probably wouldn’t keep. At this point I didn’t care. I said a little prayer that it would and then I proceeded to pay the enormously large fee. It was now out of my hands. I headed back to security, only to have to go through the charades all over again.

I was about to make it through when I heard, “Bag check,” again. Are you kidding me? This time it wasn’t mine. I then got all my stuff only to have another assistant ask me how I was doing today. I didn’t feel like responding with the usual, “Good,” so I instead responded with the truth, “Been better.” To which he replied, “I’m sorry to hear that. We unfortunately all have those days. What you have to do is take care of you. You hear me. Take care of you. Are you sad to leave here?” “Not at all,” I replied, “I’m ready to get home.” “What are you going to do when you get home,” he asked. “Un-pack, shower, play with my dogs and sleep,” I answered. “Well, I hope that your day gets better young lady. Choose to make it better,” he said. I was done gathering all my belongings (and re-dressing) at that point and after that statement I thanked him and walked away with a smile finally on my face.

Irritations, disciplines, hurts, etc. will come our way but may you come across some friendly "airport assistants," truth, and friends like my friends, along your way that assure you it’s going to be Ok and encourage you to choose joy. I haven't arrived home to joy. In fact, some situations have already occured and the knife digs even deeper into my chest. However, I rest in the fact of what my friend, Hanna, reminded me of..."THE LORD DISCIPLINES THOSE HE LOVES AND CHASTISES THOSE WHO ARE HIS CHILDREN!" I AM NOT PICKED ON, BUT RATHER PICKED OUT! Now I just have to be obedient in faith. That's the hard part next to the pain. But my God is for me...and FOR YOU!!! This is long, sorry. :)