Wednesday, March 31, 2010

It is Finished!

It's Spring time and I find myself playing outside a lot (hence why I have not been on here a lot lately.) I am LOVING...this weather, gardening, trips to the beach and zoo, walks and runs outside, QT's outside, hot tubs, games, etc.!!! :) In fact, as I type I am beholding birds building nests, butterflies gliding, birds chirping, hummingbirds drinking at my feeder, flowers in beautiful bloom, my wind chimes ringing, my dogs frolicking and chasing squirrels, and the sun gently yet cooly beating down on my skin. Oh praise Jesus! I love Spring and what this season symbolizes as we remember what Christ has done for us! I was actually reminded of it a fresh this morning.

I was reading one of my devotions, which had me in Psalm 42 and 23. It was talking on how when God's "breakers sweep over us and His rod comforts us." I was reminded of how God spoke those verses to me this past summer, when He allowed a certain season to unfold for me and literally changed my life. I saw where I had marked in my bible when He gave me those verses and I was able this morning to write, "It is finished," beside them! Then that got me to thinking of when Christ said, "It is finished" from the cross and just what that meant. That's when I decided to study this matter a bit further. I looked up what the original meaning for the word "comfort" meant, in the context of Psalm 23. It means to change one's heart, mind, actions, disposition. Hello! Oh my!...Through the recent hard season that I walked through, that is exactly what He did. And I am different! I am walking in new life! And that is what God did for Jesus on the cross. Jesus pleaded in the Garden of Gethsemane for "this cup" to be taken from Him, but it wasn't and yet He went to the cross willingly, and then He and we were made new! Same for me. I begged Him to take this past season from me but He didn't so I willingly went through it and therefore was made new! That all got me thinking even further about why, after this past season of pain yet freedom, and the beauty of the spring, why am I still so frustrated in my life right now? I am so grateful for where God has taken me, but there are so many things that I wish were different but aren't, and I am so frustrated! Well, I am studying Romans right now and I came across something interesting that I have never known before.

Paul writes that we are justified by faith. I looked up the original meaning of the word "justified" and found that it means to be declared holy. I always thought that it meant that God made us holy. But it states that He declares us holy, and by faith, we believe it. It made perfect sense once i learned that. For, we generally act out what we believe about ourselves. We are in fact fallen creatures, but God Himself declares/justifies us as holy/righteous. And by faith, we believe that, then we will generally act accordingly. Amazing! Just like God in His perfect timing, this truth has been discovered at just the perfect time for me. I want to do things on my own, but God, just like in the recent season that He brought me through, wants to do things through me, to the Glory of His Name! His "rod" "comforts" (changes) us, His declarations make us Holy! And with that I was reminded of my new garden. I planted it (and re-planted it...see last post) :), I fertilized it, I water it, I put it in the sun, but now there is nothing that I can do but pray that God makes it grow and wait and see what fruit it brings. Same for everything else in my life. You see, the work has been done on the cross, we have already been declared holy...IT IS FINISHED! Now we just bask in what God has made us and keep our roots in Him. Just as this season symbolizes...we have been buried with Christ in His death, and raised to walk in newness of life! It is not anything on our own. The work has been done for us. Let His rod comfort you and then bask in the green pastures that He lays you in! May this weekend be a celebration of what He has done for you! I'm finally just now getting it myself! Oh praise Him!

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Gardening

As my last post stated, I am currently enjoying all that Spring has to offer...the rodeo, flowers, butterflies, sunshine, great weather, hummingbirds, newness, a little break from work, and gardening. This past Sunday I decided to dig up all that the freeze killed in my yard, buy some new plants, and re-plant some beautiful newness. I was so excited and God provided such a beautiful day! So I headed out to a great nursery, picked out my most favorite flowers, plants and herbs that I could afford, some mulch (notice that I did not say soil), and headed home. I got home, plucked out all the dead plants and threw them away, and carefully "miracle-growed" and planted all my new beauties. I then watered them all and stood back to behold the beautiful sight. I was happy with my effort. All the while I was in a bit of a hurry though b/c I knew that I had to get ready for night church soon and I wasn't going to miss it. So after I rushed through the process, I just as quickly got dressed and rushed out the door for church (which was a great service by the way.) But that night it hit me, as I lay in bed, that I hadn't planted in soil, only mulch. What was I thinking? Could they survive? Early the next morning (yesterday), I presented that question to my gardening father while it was fresh on my mind. To which he replied, "No, plants cannot grow in mulch. They need soil." AAHH!!! I knew what I had to do and set out to do it immediately. I hurried and bought soil and headed home and had to re-plant EVERYTHING!!! I did just that, covered them in all the mulch that I had just bought, and then said a prayer. It was done. Now I just had to wait and see.

I then quickly headed out to the rodeo and enjoyed a night there last night. I was so thrilled to hear them open in prayer...Glory! I have never arrived early enough to hear them do that. I had a good time there (as I always do) but am sad to say that my night didn't end as glorious. I legitimately got upset about something while there but instead of just addressing it and letting it go, I stubbornly shut down for the rest of the evening. I struggle with doing this a lot. When I went to bed last night I was frustrated that I had let that incident ruin my night. I awoke this morning and presented my dilema to God in my QT. To which I felt Him ask me to look up stubborn and shut down in the dictionary. He is funny that way. :) I discovered the following...

Stubborn: Tenaciously un-willing to yield, not responding to treatment, obstinate, persistent manner, difficult to handle/manage or treat.

Shut down: Cease to operate or cause to cease operating, to settle so as to obscure vision, close in, to make ineffective in competition.

Hello...those are horrible things and inherited traits that I don't want to be and I no longer want to hold onto! I pleaded with God for a breakthrough and had a powerful QT about this with my Jesus. At one point I had just finished reading Psalm 115 and then looked out my window at my new, pretty flowers and a hummingbird at his new feeder, and it hit me...the parable of the sower.

You see, those flowers would have lived for awhile in the mulch that I had stupidly :) planted them in, but they could not have rooted and thrived. Just like me. I can coast along in life simply knowing Jesus, knowing I will make it into Heaven, and allowing a few changes here and there, but if I don't stay rooted in the word of God with a teachable Spirit, then I will not thrive in the abundant life that He has called me too. And that, my friends, is what we all want and need...just as Psalm 115 talks about. I've said it before and I will say it again, we are here for His Glory! And in order to bring Him Glory we must stay deeply rooted in Him and His Word. I know the things that usually trigger me to stubbornly shut down, and I must now humbly catch them and choose truth. And the coolest part about God's Glory is this...He doesn't just cut off branches, but He also brings newness of life!!!!

Just as my yard was looking like a frozen, dead, barren and ugly wasteland, so had my life start to look over a year ago. I was trying to "grow in mulch," not looking to Jesus but other things, and beginning to look like my idols (lifeless...see Psalm 115.) But then, He plucked me out in order to re-plant me, and it hurt...as His Glory always does. I was fruitless for awhile, but I was establishing roots. But now, just as it has turned from Winter to Spring, I have begun to bear fruit, and all Glory to God! It's just like baptism, like the cross to the Resurrection. We are buried with Christ, and raised to walk in newness of life! Hallelujah! But in order to bear fruit and thrive, we must dig our roots deep in Christ and His Word, allow Him to trim off the dead branches, and THEN we will bear much fruit, to the Glory of His Name! Praise God for the seasons in our life! And praise Him for bringing life from death! I am raised to walk in newness of life...Hallellujah! That is in fact my favorite part about baptism! :) Go and do some planting friends. It's so therapuetic. I hope to have pictures of new growth to show you soon! May my life portray it at least! :)

"He who goes forth bearing seed and weeping shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him." Psalm 126.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Spring has Sprung!



I love all the flowers that are popping up everywhere now a days! Praise Jesus! :) The beauty and this weather puts a spring in my step! In fact, my grandfather moved into a nice retirement home today and as I was there helping him, I couldn't help but dance down the hallways. My aunt was embarrassed of me but I didn't care. Why would she be embarrassed of me anyways? You should have seen the old folks doing the Wii Fit...HILLARIOUS!!! :) Yeo, I always love when the sun gets to shine a little longer and brighter! My skin craves the sun and I have enough sun spots now at 30 to prove it! :) Perhaps my new found taste of freedom is mostly the reason for my joy! In fact, I know it is! But with that comes a big target on my back. Will I stay faithful? The enemy is already trying to trip me up. Just today my mind wrestled with going back to an old habit of mine that needs to stay dead and buried. KSBJ was playing in the background, and as the thought entered, I heard words over the radio declaring a Father's love for a child. As soon as I heard it I thought, "Why would I want to hurt my Father so bad? That would grieve Him. And besides, I know better. I am His royal princess of a daughter." As soon as I thought it, my mouth dropped. I FINALLY GOT IT!!! Praise Jesus! :) I'm sure He was thinking the same thing too...ha. :)

You see, my dad was around growing up, but not involved. So too grasp the concept of God as my caring Father has been hard for me. I know it in my head, but it doesn't control my heart. But I got it today! Oh thank you, Lord! May I never forget! Man, once we grasp just truly Whose we are and who we are in Him, EVERYTHING thankfully changes! Do you know Whose you are and who you are in Him? Find out. Then choose to believe it 'til it eventually seeps into your very marrow and one day you just get it. After all, the apostle John knew what He was talking about when He placed love and obedience together!

On a side note, as I type today I am not feeling as pretty as yesterday's blog attested too. My nails are already messed up! They are stained blue from painting with my nieces, and chipped from being the compulsive hand washer that I am. This crazy girl can't seem to stay clean and I guess that too is part of the reason for me not spending money on these kinds of things. :) And lastly, enjoy a shout out from my cat, Sally. She got spayed today so is under the weather. Don't these photos just speak what we women feel sometime??? :)

Happy Spring friends! Enjoy it! :)



Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Glory hurts

I sit here typing with beautiful, freshly manicured nails- and it thrills me. Today my boss and YL decided to treat the few girls that we have on staff to a day of pampering. I got a manicure, pedicure, massage and free lunch. It was nice! (See picture below of my boss getting a pedicure!) :) This is a luxury that I don't take the time to do for myself very often (nor do I have the money for.) And to be honest, it's something that has never been too terribly important to me. You see, it's pretty safe to say that I have struggled with self-loathing/hatred for well of most of my life. It's a wound that began at the age of 5 and that Satan has picked at for forever. It's really sad actually. But it has never really grieved me until recently. To me, I just couldn't stand me. But it didn't seem to bother anyone else (so I thought) and I didn't see myself as worth the trouble anyways, so I tried not to focus on me...unless I was criticizing myself (which I was all the time; so oddly enough I was always focused on, well...me.) That's exhausting just to write. But that all changed a few months ago...

In the last chapter of John and Stasi Eldredge's book, Love & war, John talks about how we usually learn to love through bearing our cross. Yep and Amen! And my Bible teacher, Beth Moore, once said, we move from Glory to Glory, and Glory hurts, but it is something that is indescribeably beautiful. Can I hear another Amen?! I knew that but I didn't "KNOW" that...not until a few moths ago. It was the most painful season in my life that I have honestly EVER walked through. But in it, God took over and LITERALLY rocked my world! He tested me, refined me, encouraged me, loved me, strengthened me...and changed me...HALLELUJAH! I am truly different. But being the self-loather that I am, I didn't grasp just how different. Not until last night.

You see, over the past few months I have found my identity in Christ and have learned to love me. But over-coming self-hatred is a process, so although I was changing, the old part in me still tended to focus on my negatives vs. my positives. But last night, God grabbed my little face and spoke a word to me. I was where I have always been on a Tuesday night for he past 10 years...prayer & bible study. After prayer one of my friends came up to me and said, "Corrie, you prayed that the peace of Christ would rule in your heart and I just wanted to tell you that it does. I see it in you. You are different." (Thanks, Gina!) :) After that we got to talking a bit about just how different our lives were- for the better...praise Jesus! A little while later, my prayer mentor grabbed me, w/o knowing of what had just happened, looked me dead straight in the eyes, and said, "Corrie, you are different. You have always been beautiful, but you truly radiate Christ now and there is a maturity about you from Him." To which I replied, "That's what Gina just said." To which she replied, "Then it's confirmed." She spent the rest of the night continuosly speaking that over me in several ways. And on top of that, during our prayer time God gave me Psalm 126...about how He has turned our mourning into dancing. That's how I felt. After that we all headed into Bible Study. Praise and worship started us off and I found myself compelled to go to the altar to offer a sacrifice of praise (along-side you, Gina.) I have never done that before but it seemed so fitting. I felt God whisper to me, "My sweet one, you have come so far but not yet taken time to see it. Stop for a moment, quit focusing on all the areas that you need to grow in for a bit, and just enjoy how far you have come." And that I sure did. All praise to you, my Lord! "Lord, You are my Lord! A part from You, I have no good thing!" After that Bible study began and, in short, Beth taught on how far our lives come with Christ! Hello! He sure wanted to get my attention! I left bible study last night with a heart of praise. I am not who I was...Glory! Yet, I sadly grieved a bit too...but in a good way. B/c in having that revelation, I also realized just how much damage I had caused those around me through my self-loathing. That's what led to a lot of the painful season that I had just walked through. What an idiot I was. I never want to go back to her! But in Christ, I am not who I was! But the best part is, I have learned to love. Not just me...but also others (I'm so sorry to you know who!)

You see, that painful season: made me utterly aware of all that was ugly in me, stripped me of all that was me, showed me all that was God, made me utterly aware of just how good He really is, and humbly taught me how to love Him, myself, and others. Glory! It's all I have ever wanted. I don't know if I am making sense to you, but it makes perfect sense to me. I understand why we are here now. I have tasted freedom finally! We are not here for ourselves, but to bring God glory. And glory hurts...just like the cross. But it 's what counts, what matters, what ful-fills. It teaches you how to love and be loved. It's something that I never really knew but always wanted too. I see things so differently now. Now I just want to return, carrying sheaves with me! And I am and will...praise Jesus! It's all about Him, not about me! Glory!

Now, I can enjoy my manicures b/c I know that I am worth it. But I don't need them to define me nor do I want to spend all my money on that. Does that make sense? It does in my crazy brain at least! I sure hope so! In closing, enjoy a recent picture of my man with his niece. In him, God is giving me a do-over. Oh praise you, Jesus! My heart is full of praise! :) He can make you different too! Let Him...



Monday, March 8, 2010

Pressing On...

First things first, a little bit of "randomnity" (see through pictures at bottom)...

I house-sat this weekend for one of my favorite YL girl's, D'laney, and her duck, Weezy (she bought it on line last week...ha.) Here is Weezy! He is so cute and funny and the animal lover that I am had a great time!

I am slightly obsessed with the new serve yourself yogurt craze and have found a new place that I love most particularly. My niece, Abi and I frequent here a lot and I can't get enough of the fruit flavors topped with mochi...yum!

Speaking of Abi, below you will find a picture of her dancing. She gets bored watching her brother and sister's many different games. So this past weekend (when she realized that a cute, 5 yr old boy was sitting right beside me), she decided to dance right in front of us, in order to get his attention of course. Here is a picture of the ballerina in action. It did end up getting his attention. So you know what he decided to do?...Show her how strong he was by arm wrestling me. It was so cute yet so freaking hillarious. It was such a fun portrait of how God designed us. Ladies asking the men in their life, "Do you see me? Do you think I am beautiful?" And men, "Do you see me? Look how strong I am!" Oh that we would know our worth in Christ and then find someone to share our beauty and strength with!

Gabby's 17th birthday was the day after her mom's funeral. She had a good time though! Please keep praying for her! (see previous post.)

Of course I had to include a picture of one of my babies. I love my little Linus! Lucy is not on here but she is just a little ball of cuteness! :)

And lastly, the freeze destroyed all of my well-loved flowers, but one miraculously just popped it's head up and it smells delightful. Do you happen to know what it is? I have no idea what it is, nor do I have any recollection of ever planting it, but here it is and it smells and looks beautiful! Such a picture of the new things God brings us after tragedy. With that being said...

One of my mentors recently suggested that I watch the movie, Up again. I've seen it once and loved it, but she brought to my attention of how much it covers loss and all it's appropriate stages of grief. Even though I know it is of God, and have such a peace about it, I have had to let go of a huge part of my life recently and embrace some new things. It's been a weird adjustment for me and my un-risky self. So I sat down to watch Up and it was pretty healing for me. Loss comes in all different various forms. We can experience it like my sweet Gabby just did (through the death of her mom); or through a move, changes in our life, a loss of a relationship, etc. Bottom line, as I just told Gabby, we must grieve, but not grieve as if there is no Hope. So that's what I did. I "un-packed my house" and grieved the loss of a sweet "Ellie" in my life and also some things that I wish I had done different. But the best part of watching that movie came when I realized the blessing of the little boy. God too brought me a "little boy" through my loss. (Hahaha...sorry Steven!) :) Most of you know, but for those who don't, my new boy friend, Steven is younger than me and came at a "weird" time during my loss. It didn't make sense at first. However, I have no doubt that he was sent from God. He is such a blessing to me that I thank God for daily! It's un-explainable, but it brings Glory to God and blessing and healing to both of our souls...just like the old man and little boy in the movie. Just like my flower after the freeze. And that my friends, is the beauty of the grace of God.

We will have to grieve over things lost. And we must let certain things go...Just as my pastor stated yesterday (while preaching on Genesis 22.) But it's all for the Glory of God. I taught last week at Yl on Romans 7. Something I found so interesting in my preparation was when Paul said, in verse 24, "who will rescue me from this body of death?" In those days, tyrants would punish prisoners by strapping a dead body to them. But is that not what we do ourselves? We have been given new life in Christ but we can't help but strap on our old, dead, heavy selves daily. We lug our "houses" around and therefore can't really walk in newness of life. You see, the old man in the movie, Up, was too busy trying to "maintain his house," that he couldn't embrace the new blessing that God has sent his way. I have done that for too long. We need to let those things go...even the good things that God calls us to, as He did Abraham. But only so we can embrace the full life that He has for us! And we will have to grieve some. But we need not grieve as one with no hope! For we have a God who restores and send us blessings along the way! He is our hope! You should go watch Up now. :) As Ellie writes to her husband in the movie, "Thanks for the adventure- Now go and have a new one!"

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." Isaiah 43:18&19.













Friday, March 5, 2010

Perspective

I attended one of my close YL girl's mom's funeral today. It was heart-breaking. I stood by balling and watching as a father (who has never told his daughter that he loved her) embraced his daughter and said it for the first time as she laid balling on the casket. I prayed silently the whole time. Gabby's mom died un-expectedly a few days ago (in her sleep) and Gabby found her the next morning- all by herself. She has no siblings or close relatives nearby. It seems her diabetes had taken a turn for the worse. On a positive note, Gabby accepted Christ with me at camp last summer and has been walking with God ever since (which is sadly rare.) Therefore, she has hope in her grief and she knows that. I also have had a lot of time with her in these past few days and it has been sweet. And, after the burial, a bunch of YL, high school kids that were there followed me to my car (b/c we were all signing a huge poster board for Gabby.) It afforded me a great opportunity to talk to them about today. They were ripe for silence, perspective, reflection, meaning. And I took the opportunity to share with them how we need to take time every day for this, not just at funerals...b/c you never know. They agreed. Now if they heed this advice is one thing...but at least I got the opportunity to share. This whole thing has gotten me thinking a lot lately. Hence why I penned the following note to my YL donors a few days ago (see bottom.) I left that funeral today in tears. Yes, for my sweet friend, Gabby. But also as I myself reflected on life. I have wasted so much time b/c of my own insecurities and such. It saddens me deeply. I hurt someone very dear to me but I am grateful that he is happy now. And I too no longer want to miss opportunities. I want to live...even when it hurts. We all need too. And most importantly, I want to live out the great commission. That is what I am doing with YL. Will you help me?

Perspective – By: Corrie Cline, YL, 3/1/2010
It’s a Monday evening, about the time when most people are getting off of work and ready to head home to some well-deserved relaxation. But not me. I’ve spent the day running errands, getting ready for Young Life (YL) tonight, working on papers for my seminary credit/training for YL, bustling around YL office work, compiling all of my YL miles to turn in for some compensation, and taking care of a 16 year old girl that has just sadly and unexpectedly found her mom dead at home. Needless to say, I am tired. But it’s off to more work for me. I mentioned to a friend how I did not want to go to YL tonight. To which he replied, “But what a privilege! You have the distinct opportunity to witness to over 100 lost high school kids about Jesus at one time. Most Christians would die for that opportunity!” Wow! I had never thought about it that way. To me, YL has become just a job. And a job it is. However, in reality, it is also (and most importantly) a ministry of which I am privileged to serve. So tonight at YL, un-like usual, I sat in the back of the crowd (during the talk) and just took in what my friend had reminded me of earlier. Over 100, lost high school kids were here- quiet, and listening as a leader told them of the God of the Universe’s plan and love for them. Yes, we had a lot of fun (as we always do in YL), but more importantly, they got to hear the Gospel and respond. I witnessed so much “fruit” tonight. Perhaps b/c I was looking with different eyes. What you don’t see (when you go home tired at the end of the day) is what I get the privilege to witness every day…a lonely 16 yr old who just lost her mom and needs a friend; a 17 yr old girl who just found out that she has herpes b/c of her past, crazy lifestyle, but doesn’t want to tell her mom (only me) and is determined to change and does (and now leads Bible studies); a boy struggling with anger but having no man to lead him; a girl who wants desperately to quit drugs; a 17 yr old couple with a baby and trying to start a life in these circumstances; a girl who accepted Christ at camp last year and is desperately trying to live different than her “partying” friends, but is sad that b/c of that she doesn’t fit in. The list could go on. I attend funerals, Dr’s visits, games, sleepovers, and baby-sit their animals (all when parents sadly won’t or can’t.) And I know the Hope for them and get the chance to share it with them. Now that is some perspective.
I love battling the front lines in the ministry of YL, but can’t continue without your gracious support. Will you please continue to give or decide to do so now? So far I’ve made it 2 years on your support and there is such fruit from it! Thank you…it truly is making a difference! God is so good! And let’s remember, times may be shaky, BUT OUR GOD is the constant security and the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills! He will provide! Be blessed as you have blessed me! I thank God for you and pray for you daily, truly! Thank you for loving High School kids with me,
Corrie Cline ☺
Gabby is the girl on the left... :)