Besides just pain, lessons & discipline...

Here are a few other (mostly more up-lifting) things going on in my life right now...

Warning...the pics and words are somehow all a jumbled mess but I'm not computer savvy and tired of trying to fix them so deal somehow. :)

* Some of my old YL kid's family was just visited by Extreme Makeover Home Edition last week and I got the distinct priveledge of getting the first tour of their new house a coupe of nights ago!!! It is so amazing!!! I praise Jesus for them! This is a Godly family of four biological children and 9 adopted children (most of which have severe disabilities.) This family was hit hard by Ike 2 years ago and 15 of them have been living in a trailor since. I can't wait for you guys to see it when it airs on TV. Not sure when it will yet. Wasn't aloud to post the finished product pics! :)


* I have been taking care of my sick gpa. Please pray for him. :(


* I finally bought a cute, little couch for my little pool house (much needed) and my dogs think it's theirs!




* Due to my alone season, my nieces & nephew have become some of my new bf's! :) Grace's hair is a fun, new piece of entertainment! Ha :)


* Back to the grind of work and ministry in YL...but I love it! Recently I had the priveledge of watching 2 of my High schools wrestle against each other. I have never watched this sport before and yall...it is most interesting...ha.


* I have obtained a cat! All my life I have been allergic to cats and their personalities freak me out anyways. However, I am an animal lover of all kinds and this summer, as previously blogged, I rescued several stray kittens from my garage. Several died, a couple were adopted, and the rest escaped back into the wild...but one...Sally. I named her Sally to fit in with the rest of my Peanuts gallery over here. I loved Sally and had calmed this little stray but knew I was allergic so I asked my brother in law to take care of her for me. I haven't seen her since and have missed her. He has had her for the past 7 months but just a few days ago he surprisingly informed me that he could no longer have her. So w/o thinking, I went to get her. I rushed her to the vet and we had a time with her. She has gotten a bit wild yet received a fairly clean bill of health. So I took her home on friday and set her up in my bathroom (until she can get used to her new surroundings and I can see if she is a fit for us.) It started out a bit challenging but is a lot better now. So far...no allergies for me (praise God!), she hasn't attacked my bird, Woodstock, but eyes him, there is a little bad blood between her & Linus (not surprsing) but not too bad, and she is slowly taming. We shall see what happens. I pray we all gel well together soon! She at least has been purring now when I touch her! :) And the wierd thing is...I got her when all the drama began un-folding in my life this summer. I had no clue what my poor choices would bring and soon gave her away. Now I have gotten her back, after the issues have ended yet the lessons are being learned. Is she a "do-over" for me? It's wierdly symbolic. I hope so! May it be a blessing...beauty from ashes! But it is in fact a zoo in my little home! :)

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* My parakeet, Woodstock, is a surprising talking machine...against all odds. I got him last February and he already says the following (clearly) and I'm not lying..."Hey Woodstock-Good Morning Woodstock-You're such a pretty bird-I love you-Praise Jesus-Hi Corrie-Jesus loves me-Come here-Hey baby..." and various whistles. Sometimes he even intermingles the words, like, "Praise Corrie," to which I quickly correct him. It's hillarious! :) He taunts Sally too which is even funnier. I love that smart little guy!


* I'm having to throw a lot of old clothes away. I still can wear clothes from 7th grade...ha. They are back in style now due to my old age! :) These socks were new just 8 months ago though! I got them for my Colorado summer backpacking trips. Yet I sat too close to the fire this summer on Wilderness and got burned. It is time to release them. A lesson...don't sit too close to the fire or you will get burned blog friends! :)



* As my previous post stated, I have a new hair cut and I am 30 now!!! Aahh...! Here are a few pics from my birthday. It blew! But I had a great QT with Jesus and coffee in my new cup, a yummy cake, a pretty sunset, and some pretty flowers!







* And lastly, always something I am learning. :) Today I was reminded of the woman in MArk 5:24-34. Really study that story. Her faith healed her! That is where I am at today! I'm learning to trust God's great plans for me, even in the pain. He is molding me to want what He wants! Amen! And this will be my year for Psalm 18 to ring true!!! Throw what you want at me, enemy, I am growing in Jesus! Ok, I can always write more, but this is really too long. :)

May you not be bored to death now! :)

On the eve of 30!

Well bloggy friends, I officially turn 30 tomorrow and I am dreading it! :( I was in such a different place last year and I couldn't imagine being where I find myself today! However, I am equally ready to move forward! No more being stuck in the past as I have lived my whole life! As my new haircut states, out with the old and in with the new! So long 20's...it's my last day in them! :( This year I pray...

"Not only that I get hotter...ha. Really, that God will raise the dead things to life and make the impossible things possible in me, as that is His specialty. Yet I pray that I exercise great faith (as I am learning) so that I am finally capable of long term obedience (of which I desperately want), and of which I am capable of through faith in Christ! Also, that I will remember that the only priority that drives the Master Gardener of this vineyard of mine is to bring me to fruitfulness and that He will do whatever it takes to make that happen b/c He is even more committed to my abundance than I am! So please make it happen, Lord! For as Psalm 16 and Proverbs 16 say...Lord, You have a plan for me that is good. You are out for Your glory and my good. You have a right to rule and Your rule is right! We will obey some Master yet You are the better option! Be my Master! And may I stop reacting on feelings, like Esau, David & Sarah did and therefore a whirlwind of consequences followed. God, forgive me and have mercy please! Rather, may I focus and act on Your truth and wisdom, instead of my feelings! Renew my mind! Perfect that which concerns me! And may I know and love your more than anything in my life this decade and beyond! In Jesus' Name-Amen!"

"The Lord works out everything for His own ends-" Proverbs 16:4.

And to end, a song from one of my very favorite artists, Shane & Shane: Mercy Reigns, by Shane Barnard

"she hides her face, it seems too good
for Your embrace to find her
and say, "my dove, your voice is sweet
show me your form... your form is lovely"

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

its new every morning
its new every morning
its good enough for me

no ear has heard a melody
as sweet as yours for her
it seems too good, so undeserved
my heart faints now, for we are her

Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun
Your mercy reigns
Your mercy comes
Your mercy falls
and rises with the sun

i will abide in Your love, Your love"

(song of solomon 2:14, lamentations 3:22-23

His eye is on the Sparrow...

...And I know he watches me!



I keep receiving mean comments. It can be a bit dis-heartening. But God is equipping me. I learned in my Bible Study this morning that, like a tree (in which God compares us to a lot), our feelings and thoughts are fruits. Our assumptions are the roots. We must trace the root of a bitter fruit and cut off that faulty root with the sword of the Spirit! Your weapon is God's truth alone! No more failing prey to un-belief by acting upon lies! For example, the Israelites in Deuteronomy 1:26-32. And 2 Corinthians 10:4&5 & Ephesians 6:10-18! The people who are hurting me should not have the power to destroy or define me. Nor should I get bitter and prideful. For we are all fallen creatures. But our God...He alone is perfect, He is good, His love is un-failing, He is the only one who can meet our expectations and never tires of our needs...and never let us down! His eye is on the sparrow...therefore I know that He watches me! I was reminded of this truth yesterday when I saw him on my porch. :)

"Look at the birds of the air, they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26.

I am in His hands! And so are the people of Haiti! Have you heard? Please pray for them. It grieves me. If you would like to help but don't know what to do, I learned from Beth Moore's ministries (Living Proof) that you can Text "HAITI" to 90999 to donate $10 to Red Cross relief efforts. It will be charged on your cell phone bill.

Lies vs. Truth

I awoke this morning with my phone and computer off and ready to have some time with Jesus. It was a sweet, revealing time. I was filled with encouraging, healing TRUTH! Praise Jesus! Once my QT ended I was ready to share some of my thoughts on here. I proceeded to turn on my computer and go to my blog. I then saw 2 comments that needed to be moderated. One, from my good friend Tucker. A verse of truth! Another from a coward who wished to remain anonymous...a lie straight from the pit of hell! Of course I chose not to publish it. Lies do not deserve to be published. At first he/she decided to quote me from one of my last posts and this anonymous person's comment read as the following, "'I feel un-worthy, un-loveable, rejected, easily replaced, messed up, abandoned & ugly.' Ummmmmmm...you should after all the shit you pulled!" Wow! A week ago I would have let this comment define me, bring me down, destroy me. But not anymore! God is truth and when He speaks He speaks words of truth, affirmation, healing, encouragement. These words were not such! These words were straight from the pit of hell and from a cowards mouth! So if the person who wrote that is reading this, I want to say this to you...I am not bitter. I choose to forgive you. And you did not get me down. In fact, I feel very sorry for you. For you, my friend, must be lost. God will deal with you. I need not avenge myself. For I am His child and He hates to see one of His own wounded. May you get that yourself someday. I pray for you. Your lie did not penetrate through my truth from my God. Yes, I am a sinner, BUT I am saved by grace and that in fact is who I am!

Well, that first paragraph truly does sum up my life lately in this season. Satan is trying so very hard to destroy me. He is pulling out all the stops, not letting up and the battle has gotten very heated and hard for me daily! And yes, God is allowing it. Just as He did with Peter and Job. But I know that just as He did with Peter and Job, I will come through this victorious! For Satan is only after me b/c I am a threat to his kingdom. "But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. To the Lord I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy hill." Psalm 3:3&4. God is calling me to walk this journey alone with Him now, to discern truth from lies, to live on truth and not lies. He has pulled all my securities away and is testing me by allowing the enemy to through all his lies at me. Will I believe and put my identity in them (like I have always) or in God's truth. God alone is my security and who defines me! My journey is hard but I am not alone. God is for me! And I am growing. You see, God, my King, is pursuing me-Psalm 23:6. And He pursues with unfailing love. I am being captured finally by His love and His truth! As I learned in my bible study this morning...My presumptions (and others about me) are not worthy of becoming the foundation of my thought closet. That is pride and leads to horrible actions. Like Rachel in Genesis 30:1. Only God's view of me is worthy of becoming the foundation of my thought closet! I will no longer be dis-obedient by un-belief. I choose to believe God! For He is my Shepherd and always has His glory and my good in mind!

"But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love for ever and ever." Psalm 52:8.

Lamentations 3:19-33.

Winter Training & Discipline

I finally just got home from YL Winter Training in Georgia! Here are a few pics (in regards to my snow/Prince of Peace blog a few days ago.) It was beautiful! I also enclosed a few bored pics taken while in class. As you can see, my good friend, Bronson is asleep on my chair...ha. Being home is refreshing but also brings me back to reality. It's hard. I don't want to face it. In fact, I went for a walk a minute ago to clear my head. Plus, I haven't exercised in weeks and that is not like me. I almost had a heart attack this morning while pulling my suitcase up 2 flights of stairs! I have been sitting all week and I had to move but knew I couldn't go too far due to lack of exercise. Anyways, on my walk I was listening to music on my iphone when my best friend, Hanna called. She, and a few others have been helping me through my hard time lately and I was sharing with her how I couldn't take many more tests from God. "He won't seem to let up and it's so painful," I told Hanna. "Enough already," I keep crying out, but to no avail. Just when I see a ray of hope, something else hits me. "I don't understand why God hates me so much," I said to Hanna. To which she replied, "Oh no, Corrina, (that's what she calls me...she's mexican) :) the Lord disciplines those whom he loves and chastises those He sees as His children." Wow! She was right on. A truth I well know but had forgotten at this time. Here I am feeling picked on, when all the while God is picking me out! Amazing...yet painful! He is TRANSFORMING me for a greater purpose. I just can't see the greater purpose yet so while in the transformation process it hurts. It's kinda like my arrival to the Atlanta airport today.

We awoke at 4:30, after little to no sleep, got on a greyhound bus for a long trek to the airport and when we arrived to the airport I was told my bag was too heavy. I'm sure it had a lot to do with the 6 large books that they assigned us while there! Anyways, I quickly took thing after thing out until the size was right and my hands were full. Only to find out you now have to pay $20 to check a bag with Continental...ridiculous. Anyhow, I preceeded to the security gate which is never fun anyways. Once there I received the dreaded news that no one likes to hear, “Bag check.” I looked to see if the gentleman in front of me had received his bags. He indeed had. It was me. I was flagged for a small wooden sign that was too long to fit in my suitcase. It was a gift for a friend and something that I had carried on recently before. The “checker” told her "assistant" to take it to their supervisor. To which the assistant responded, “This? Why?” “Because she could use that to wack someone in the head with it," replied the checker. “Are you serious,” I thought. Not even a minute later the assistant came back to me and asked me to step over to see his supervisor with him (all the while refusing to give me back my wooden sign.) His supervisor proceeded to tell me that I could not bring that on the plane and it was too late to check it so I had to mail it. “Why,” I asked. “Because you could use this as a weapon and hit someone with it.” At this point I was irritated. I had been up all night and already traveling via bus since 5am. Therefore I responded, “Sir, I could use my laptop here for much greater damage if I really wanted to hit someone.” “I realize that, mam, but it doesn’t look dangerous. You’re going to have to mail it back home. The post office is down aways,” he replied. With a highly aggravated laugh I asked where and he showed me (more like escorted me) the way. It was a nice little hike. When I arrived at the airport post office I shared with them my dilemma and that I had nothing to wrap this in. “Go next door to the next place of business and get some bubble wrap and then come back to me.” I was on my way, even more irritated. I arrived at the next place of business only to discover that they were in fact out of bubble wrap. At this point I was ready to just throw the sign at someone and hurt them for real and just leave the gift behind and head to my gate. I didn’t. I begged this guy to help me out somehow. He felt sorry for me so he wrapped it in a bunch of cellophane for no charge. From there I headed back to the post office in which I was told this wrap job probably wouldn’t keep. At this point I didn’t care. I said a little prayer that it would and then I proceeded to pay the enormously large fee. It was now out of my hands. I headed back to security, only to have to go through the charades all over again.

I was about to make it through when I heard, “Bag check,” again. Are you kidding me? This time it wasn’t mine. I then got all my stuff only to have another assistant ask me how I was doing today. I didn’t feel like responding with the usual, “Good,” so I instead responded with the truth, “Been better.” To which he replied, “I’m sorry to hear that. We unfortunately all have those days. What you have to do is take care of you. You hear me. Take care of you. Are you sad to leave here?” “Not at all,” I replied, “I’m ready to get home.” “What are you going to do when you get home,” he asked. “Un-pack, shower, play with my dogs and sleep,” I answered. “Well, I hope that your day gets better young lady. Choose to make it better,” he said. I was done gathering all my belongings (and re-dressing) at that point and after that statement I thanked him and walked away with a smile finally on my face.

Irritations, disciplines, hurts, etc. will come our way but may you come across some friendly "airport assistants," truth, and friends like my friends, along your way that assure you it’s going to be Ok and encourage you to choose joy. I haven't arrived home to joy. In fact, some situations have already occured and the knife digs even deeper into my chest. However, I rest in the fact of what my friend, Hanna, reminded me of..."THE LORD DISCIPLINES THOSE HE LOVES AND CHASTISES THOSE WHO ARE HIS CHILDREN!" I AM NOT PICKED ON, BUT RATHER PICKED OUT! Now I just have to be obedient in faith. That's the hard part next to the pain. But my God is for me...and FOR YOU!!! This is long, sorry. :)

Fact vs. Faith

Fact: I have been rejected, replaced and withheld love by many dear people in my life...Those who I trusted.

Therefore, I feel un-worthy, un-loveable, rejected, easily replaced, messed up, abandoned & ugly.

Faith: I am accepted, adored and loved by God's UNFAILING LOVE!

Therefore I have hope!

Just like Naomi in Ruth 1:20 & 21 & 4:14-22. Her fact...she was a widow. Her label/lie she wore b/c...bitterness. Then she embraced faith and wore the label of...favored by God. Something I am learning in my new Bible Study, Me, Myself & Lies.

Hebrews 11:1 - "Now FAITH is being SURE of what we HOPE for and CERTAIN of WHAT WE DO NOT SEE."

2 Corinthians 4:18 - "So we FIX our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is TEMPORARY, but what is unseen is ETERNAL."

We must elevate FAITH over fact & fate. Our faith is the only label we must wear!

Bloggers, yesterday has been the hardest day yet. I am in need of a heart healing, renewed mind, and to be shielded from the enemy NOW! PLEASE interceded in prayer for me! I can't believe I am being so vulnerable. That is so un-like me. But I am desperate and know that only He can save me now! Thank you for bearing with me! May my lessons in this difficult season encourage you now too I hope. I have something to offer and am worth it...I have to keep reminding myself of that. You do too. Just like the countless other children of God in deplorable circumstances. I will not give up! I am strong in Christ and this is only making me stronger!!!!

Prince of Peace

I'm in the mountains of Georgia right now for YL training. Days are long here as we sit in class A LOT. However, we were afforded a small break after lunch today (Ok, so really we're supposed to be in another meeting but I chose to skip) :) and as I sit here, sipping coffee, I am watching it snow. It is so peaceful. It falls so softly, quietly, pure and fresh. It is a call to "Be still and know that He is God. And then He will be exalted above the nations." Psalm 46:10. Peace. Ah, what a weighty word that is. It is something that I haven't felt in a few weeks. As previously posted, my life has been recently turned upside down. Last night I found myself alone on our cabin floor, crying out to God for some peace. I don't even have enough strength to lift my own head and yesterday was a rough day. I miss laughing. BUT TODAY. My circumstance haven't changed. But today, I awoke and decided to choose joy. It is a choice at times and is biblical. So I did just that. I laughed for the first time. And then I got to our theology class and we started it out by watching some of the most depressing movie clips that I have ever seen. Then we sang the old hymn, Man of Sorrows. It was a somber feel. After that our professors stood up to announce that we would in fact be talking about the theology of suffering and the cross today. I laughed. On the day that I chose joy of all things...ha! But so like God, it was beautifully ordained and I felt His peace. Peace. There are so many different meanings to that word. Most of the time we think, as I do, of freshly fallen snow, a river, etc. But it holds so much more meaning than that. As one of my beloved bible study teachers, Beth Moore, taught, Christ's peace rules...it comes with a sword a lot of the times! Yes, that is indeed so true. In this season of my life His peace has truly hit me with a sword...and it has been quite painful. I have yet to be able to see the "forrest through the trees." But today. Today I awoke with a sense of His peace in my heart. As I follow my Savior's journey to the cross, I am reminded that if we truly want to live as His disciples, as salt and light, for the purpose in which He sent us, the resurrected life, then we have to literally die to ourselves-and die daily. It is a cost that most are not willing to pay. Yet I have cried out to want to follow my Savior anywhere, as Peter did. And just as Peter was tested, so God is testing me. That was the question He posed to me this morning in my devotions. "Corrie, will you really take up your cross daily, as you said, and follow me? That is why you are where you are now." And with much fear I responded, "Yes." I used to condemn myself for fear. It isn't of God, I know. His perfect love casts it out. But that's my problem now. I have yet to fully be satisfied in His love for me. I know it, but I don't "KNOW" it yet. I long to know and love Him more than anything else in my life! It's a prayer I know that He will answer. I just pray soon. In the meantime, God assured me today that He does not hold my fear against me. Instead, He reminded me that He is in fact my Emmanuel-God with me. And He is in fact walking this journey with me and loving me just as I am. Many people have promised to love me and never leave, yet they have left and left abruptly. But only God's love is unfailing. Well, after that revelation, I opened the scriptures to the book of Luke, where I have been studying lately. Today I was in chapter 11. Verse 46 stuck out to me, as I am learning how to walk away from the generational sins. As I was praying that I would not be like a pharisee (something that I have been addressing in the book that I am writing), I received a text from one of my sisters. She randomly wanted to apologize for shunning me and withholding love from me when I do things that she doesn't necessarily agree with. She begged me to forgive her b/c apparently she is experiencing the same thing right now from others and knows how horrible it feels. She then committed to just loving me unconditionally. Wow! That meant so much to me! That is another thing that I have been fighting against for awhile now. God is good. He lifts up our head in just the right time. After that I turned to my new Bible study-in which I was learning the importance of meditation. We meditate on so many words that we let define us. That is why it is so important to CONSTANTLY meditate on the truth of scripture. In my bible study it was brought to my attention that we will meditate on lies (for the most part) if not truth. That is what I have done. B/c love has been presented to me so conditionally, I feel very un-loved a lot of the times. Therefore, the words that I subconsciously meditate upon in my head are things like, "no-one loves you, Corrie," "you are un-worthy," etc. But today. Today I was reminded on what I need to meditate upon. So truth is becoming even more so of my serum and healing balm. I finally feel encouraged today. I feel His peace. My circumstances haven't changed and I may still be scared but I know He is near and His "snow" is falling afresh on me right now in so many ways! :) Please keep praying for me blog community. May the Prince of Peace rule in your hearts and minds!
P.S. Sorry if this is jumbled. I am short on time and internet connection and surrounded by way too many distractions. I'm off now to play in the freezing snow a bit before my next meeting. Peace out! :)