Monday, August 27, 2012

The End of an Era

I woke up today and it felt like fall. I love fall! The first day of school, no more 100 degree temperatures (so I hope), a new season, and pumpkin spice lattes. I got excited! So I drove Lillie and I to Starbucks to partake in a pumpkin spice latte, only to find that they don't arrive for another week! Sigh. And then I realized that fall really doesn't arrive until Sept. 22. (thank you, Google.) As I felt stuck in between 2 seasons, I realized just how much that pertains to my life currently. I have been involved with Young Life (YL) for 18 years now! My first set of years, I was just a kid attending. Then I became a Senior leader. In college at A&M I went through YL leadership training but ended up not doing it out there and just helping out back home when they needed it. I also interned for MCYM YL in Europe and worked at camps. Eventually I switched colleges to Houston Baptist University and then got placed on the League City YL team. I volunteered there for a few years, then became the head volunteer team leader in our staff's absence. A few years after that, I finally came on staff with YL and stayed in my same area. I have been on staff with YL for 5 years now and come August 31, 2012, I will officially retire. When I first announced that, it was bittersweet. I decided to go off staff so that I could devote my attention to be a stay at home Mommy and God graciously provided for us to do so! However, in fully embracing one child, I feel as if I am letting go of another. Alongside my many pets :), YL and these kids have been my "children" for so long now! I plan on still being involved in small ways. I love YL too much to ever fully let it go (unless god called me too.) However, it will ultimately not look the same. :( As I said, when I first announced my decision, it was hard. But that was weeks ago and since then the work of 2 jobs (stay at home mom and YL) has since taken it's toll on me and my decision got a bit easier. :) However, as the days draw nearer and I begin cleaning out my desk, finalizing paperwork and such, I am sad once again. Don't get me wrong, I am happy to embrace this new phase and little person in my life! :) I have always wanted to be a stay at home mommy and I know that wherever God calls, He provides. However, this new phase is uncertain to me. This past phase has almost become part of my identity. I am sure, years from now, when my kids are all off to college and grown, I will be writing these same words, but in a different way. However, this now is my reality. This is my bittersweet. I have so much to say but I haven't fully sorted through it in my own head yet. Right now I am stuck in between 2 seasons and the feelings are still too raw. I am not quite sure what all this next one holds for me. So I will close with that I just read in my book, Unglued... "Even when life is hard and chaotic, I pray I make the courageous choice to embrace what is and to fill my soul with all of the good reality right in front of me. What I am. What I do have. What I can do." P.S. Why isn't blogger letting me add spaces, yall? Sorry! :)

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