Friday, February 5, 2010


A long one but I hope you read and it's an encouraging word for you, as it was me...

The past few days have been rough for me. As God has parted my red sea and carried me through, Satan is wanting me to grumble in the desert so as to detain me from my promised land. Just as he does to all of us. And further more, being a leader in ministry, I wrestle (in the spiritual realm) for lost high school kids daily. Satan already has them down (for the most part), but if he can get me down (the one fighting for them on their behalf), then what better way to keep them down. You know? Let's just say, I feel blows from all sides and these past few days I have felt weary and lost the will to fight...therefore, I have given into some grumbling in the desert-thus leaving me feeling hopeless and causing me to make impulsive, horrible, decisions-out of hopelessness. I know some of you feel me. Last night I was weary and I couldn't sleep. Thoughts raced through my head and I decided at 3 something in the morning that I would fast today. I felt pulls back to my egypt and I did not want to go back! But I knew this battle was way beyond me. So this morning I headed into my QT, determined and ready for " 'this' to only come out by prayer and fasting." And just as our sweet Savior would have it, He stepped in, interceded, and fought for me. Oh praise His Name!

I read through a Psalm a day and the first word I received from God was from Psalm 35:1-3 & 27. "God delights in the well-being (wholeness, security, safety, comfort, peace, completeness & satisfaction) of me" my Hebrew/Greek Key Word Study Bible defined! :) But that may not come in ways we follows reads.

After the above word, I then turned to my Worship the King devotional, where God re-affirmed me that it truly is ALL ABOUT HIM AND NOT ABOUT ME! He has been hammering that truth into me so much lately! And with that comes much humility!!! Oh boy! But that's a good thing, right? Humility places us in a dependent position upon our a child. And we must humbly and simply seek His Glory in EVERYTHING, as Chris Tiegreen's devotional stated. Our worship, ministry, prayer, victory, etc. need to be a God-centerd outlook! Just as Paul lived and stated in Philippians 1:20&21. The quote at the end of one of Chris' recent devo's said this, "Provided that God be glorified, we must not care by whom." - Francis De Sales. Boy have I ever been learning that truth and gaining that perspective lately! For lack of time and personal reasons, I will spare you the details. But in short...I wanted my life to be one way with one man and put my security in that. We dated for a long time and I thought that's how it was gonna and should be. Yet, through a chain of crazy circumstances, God planned another route for He and I. At first neither of us could understand it. We wanted us to work. Why all this craziness? Neither one of us was obviously perfect but it truly was neither of our faults. In our eyes, we made sense. And we could have tried, through Christ in us, to make it work. But we weren't God's plan for us. He had another plan. For the longest time I couldn't see that...neither could he. But now, as the relationship has ended/been severed by God, time has passed, and we have both moved on, I can see from God's perspective. You see, he and I are both Godly people who God used in each other's lives for a season. And we wanted it to work, but it wasn't God's plan for us. We didn't bring out the best in each other. (I for one was in deed a mess.) We wanted what we thought was best for us. But God knew what was best for us and it wasn't each other. You see, we do so much for our own's all about us. But in reality...we are here for God's's all about Him! He alone knows what we need and what is best for us! That doesn't make other people or circumstances bad. Young Life is for me, but other ministries are just as good. Get what I'm saying? Losing my ex has been hard, due to the circumstances. I made him my security when only God should be, for one. And I know that now. And he is a great guy and we shared a lot...that's why the mourning is there. But with God's perspective though, I see the beauty in it...His Glory...and Glory hurts! But we are here for Him, not us...that is truly how I want to live my life! And now, only through God, can I say that I want someone better suited for him and it looks as though he may have found her already. (I'm praying for yall if you are reading.) :) And in turn, God has picked someone better suited for me. Not better, just better suited. I would never have picked this person (no offense if you are reading!) :) I mean, he is a wonderful man, but, it wasn't my plan, it was God's. Get it? God knew what would bring Him Glory on the WHOLE! Against all odds, maybe me and my new man (one of the risks God recently asked me to take) exist together soley to be a light to each other's families. I don't know? I don't even know where this new relationship will go. All I know, is that God took me away from one, leaned me into Him, and then brought me into another solely for HIS GLORY! And due to that, this new relationship works. Isn't that funny? We look to God for His Glory and things actually work...Ha. Ok, that was more of an explanation than I planned on giving, but trust me...I left out alot! :) Just pray for this please. Moving on....

After that huge tidbit of perspective, I felt freer, more healed. Praise God! Then God, through my Me, Myself & Lies Bible Study, took me to HOPE...the point of this blog. I learned (in God's perfect timing) that although I may be tired (hello...beginning of this blog), I must not let my emotions win and therefore give into feelings of hoplessness, through mis-placed hope. Rather, I must recognize, refuse & re-label lies and repeat! And most importantly, I must HOPE IN JESUS, His Word, & His un-failing Love...for He alone is IT!

I will end there. I can't believe that I disclosed as much as I did. But please know that I am not afraid to be real if my fallings and lessons can help you! And I know that enough time has gone by now that it's OK to be, with no hurt feelings. Plus, you don't know it all, and for good's none of your business. :) Bottom line folks, we are here for one purpose...God! Ask in every situation, what will bring You glory? For that is what works and what we really need and want guys. And glory hurts so some things may be hard. We may lose some security. But God is our hope! He alone is our only security! And in turning into Him, we will shine Him brighter to others (the whole reason why we are here!)

** "I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait (hopeful expectation rooted in God) for him.'" - Lamentations 3:24! **

1 comment:

parks said...

i want to see you.
thank you for sharing this. and thank you for letting me share this with my friends. i love you.