I have never found in an interest in America's super bowl phenomenon (although I am glad that the Saints won...I'm for underdogs!), so last night I had coffee with a couple of YL girls and then headed to church instead of partaking. It was like a ghost-town at church. :) But it felt nice. Due to a chain of circumstances (as previously briefly mentioned in my last blog), I've recently switched from my normal am church attendance to our pm church service. It's been a weird adjustment for me (as everything currently in my life is) and as most of my friends are in the morning service. However, last night felt nice. It was quiet, peaceful, intimate...just Jesus and I and a few other worshipers. We began with singing 2 classic hymns that I love and I feel very appropriate for me now: It is Well With My Soul & I Surrender All. I began thinking of about all the places that Jesus had taken me. I have come so far and He has carried me through it all and has been my constant! Oh praise His Name! It was affirmation that I too would make it through this un-comfortable journey that I find myself in. A road filled with un-certainty, newness, hard losses, tests, victories, temptations, etc. Then the message came and it too was so fitting for me. My church is still going through Genesis and last night my pastor spoke on Genesis 16, where Abram & Sarai make a poor choice regarding Hagar. Basic points that stuck out to me...
Abram was in process, not perfected (Amen!)...It's a problem when you "satisfy" your soul with something other than God. Wait for the real meal & stop filling up on "chips"...God's delay is not always His denial...A reckless heart leads to a reckless life...Plan B is an affair...our 1 sin affects many (ex. Ishmael)...Don't jump ahead of God and make a mess, rather wait and hope in Him and feast on the true delight of Him!
All in all, it was a good word for me. In this un-comfortable time, I must rest in God as my Comfort and not look back or step ahead without Him. Reeling from my epiphany during worship, the message last night, and a scary nightmare trying to pull me back into my Egypt, I awoke this morning wondering why it is so hard for me to "move forward?" I want to move forward, I am; However, it's so hard for me. Why God? Why do I resist? Do you struggle with that? With that question in mind, I brought it to Jesus. And here is what I discovered...
God brought me to Isaiah 43:1-4 & 18 & 19. Beside it I had written 5/2009...which means that God gave me that exact word at the beginning of when this whole process of leaving my "Egpyt" started for me. God is so cool! Today I was given it again, almost as if He was saying....2/10-fulfilled! "Forget the former things, I am doing a new thing, Corrie! And although you have passed through hard times, I am with you, b/c You are precious and honored in my sight, and I love you!" Wow! After that, I turned to my bible study where we were studying about Deborah from Judges 4. Then I read these words, "I might face risk, sacrifice & pain, but I must not give up, rather hope in Him, march on in faith & persevere." Hello! Again, God is so cool!
You see, as I walk this new road, I find that, as 1 Corinthians 6:12 sates, "Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial." Only God knows what is beneficial for me. I may not know where His road leads, but if I surrender to Him everyday, He will move my pillar of cloud and it will benefit me to follow. I must march on. I will be a slave to something. Be it in Egypt, my grumblings in the desert, Or God. But only His Mastery brings liberty! I choose to be mastered by Him alone! What about you?
"Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land..." Psalm 37:34. He is our Promised Land!
In closing, here is a recent pic of my family, minus Woodtsock. :) And of some flowers God gave me as a promise (Ok, I bought them for myself, but it counts!) He sees me as a daisy in the desert! :) And you too! "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come; the cooing of does is heard in our land. The fig tree forms it's early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." Song of Songs 2:11-13.